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KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


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Kathleen’s heart beat warmly as she leaped from the carriage 
into her father’s arms. 



KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


BY 

JOSLYN ^RAY 


ILLUSTRATED 


NEW YORK 

CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS 
1918 



Copyright, 1918, by 
CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS 


Published April, 1918 


COPYRIGHT. *917. BY THE YOUTH S COMPANION 


APR 30 iSiS 



©G!.A497l)99 


TO 

MY FATHER AND MOTHER 



ILLUSTRATIONS 


Kathleen^s heart beat warmly as she leaped from the 


carriage into her father’s arms Frontispiece 

FACING PAGE 

“Dear Kathy,” the letter ran, “I was called here last 
night by a telegram” 86 

Before she went to bed that night, weary as she was, she 
got out her receipts for six months back ii8 

“Thank you, girls,” she said. “I was the one” . . . 226 


The publishers wish to acknowledge the courtesy of “ The Youth* s 
Companion^' in permitting the publication of the illustrations. 


/ 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


CHAPTER I 

K athleen RAWDON threw back her fur col- 
lar, unbuttoned her jacket, folded her gloved 
hands in her lap, and gazed out of the window of the 
Pullman coach with an air of absent content. 
Absent, because she did not see the beautiful winter 
landscape: the brown woods, with evergreens vary- 
ing the color here and there, bordering the level 
stretch along the track, over which lay a thin cover- 
let of snow, with the brown stalks and seed pods of 
goldenrod and other weeds reaching up through it, 
delicately beautiful against the white ground. The 
telegraph-poles, struck by the last beams of the 
December sun, left long, slanting shadows. Iso- 
lated houses appeared suddenly as if just set down, 
some with children playing about, others with lighted 
windows fast closed for the night. Carts and motor- 
cars jolted or chugged to and from hidden towns 
and villages. But the girl was oblivious of all: she 
was in a dream of happiness. The last two of the 
group of college girls who had set out together to 


2 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


go their various ways for the Christmas holidays had 
left the train at the last station, and Kathleen was 
revelling in the thought of their affectionate fare- 
wells. 

She was the most popular girl of the freshman 
class, and could not be unaware of the fact. Neither 
did she wish to be. For though she did not per- 
haps actively strive toward such an end, she appre- 
ciated the situation duly and liked to dwell upon it. 
Now, after reviewing the short journey at length, 
she went back over the events of the past week, with 
its hockey games, basket-ball, concert, teas, spreads, 
and examinations. It gratified Kathleen exceedingly 
to recall how either her own skill or the desire of the 
other girls had made her first in everything — ex- 
cept, of course, in exams. But even in that respect 
they had been perfectly dear. Ellen Little had 
sat up with her nearly all the night before the trigo- 
nometry examination, helping Kathleen get the sines 
and cosines into her head. And she had just man- 
aged to squeeze through, which was a real triumph 
considering the time she had spent — or hadn’t spent 
— on that study in the twelve weeks. 

The girl’s gaze left the window to fall approvingly 
on the sleeve of her green velveteen suit. She had 
gone into town not long since and selected it her- 
self, after deciding that she really needed it not to 
appear shabby beside the other girls, and she knew 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


3 


that it was more becoming than anything she had 
ever had. It was indeed a handsome suit, rich 
in color, well-cut, bordered with dark fur, and it 
suited the girl’s beauty, her dark auburn hair and 
rich coloring. None the less, plain as it was, there 
might have been question as to whether it were ap- 
propriate for a schoolgirl, and Kathleen had her 
doubts as to how her stepmother would feel about 
it — the only thing she had ever selected without the 
latter’s approval. In her letter, mother had rather 
seemed to begrudge the cost of it, so, quite likely, 
she wouldn’t like it. 

A slight frown wrinkled the smoothness of Kath- 
leen’s white brow. She only wished her stepmother 
might know how popular she was at college. It 
might make a difference in her attitude. Of course 
one can’t say things of that sort right out, and mother 
had extremely limited power of imagination. No 
matter how many occasions Kathleen might de- 
scribe in which she had played a principal r 61 e, 
mother would never draw the desired — and obvious 
and proper — conclusion. More likely she would 
come out with some such question as ‘'But, Kathy, 
are you allowed to do such things ?” or “And do you 
feel just as well next day for studying?” In cer- 
tain ways she was simply impossible. 

If only she could have brought Ellen Little or 
Marjorie Pierce home with her! Not expressly 


4 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


for that, of course — not at all, indeed. But if they 
had come, they would naturally have explained to 
mother when Kathleen was out of the way how every 
one liked her, and what a leader she was; and it 
would really be a capital thing for her mother to 
understand this. Every one said it was far worse to 
be underestimated than overrated, and mother had 
never given her any credit for any excellences what- 
ever. If it hadn’t been for father she would proba- 
bly have been so shy and self-conscious that she 
would have been a perfect chump and frump. 

Well, she was used to doing without praise and 
receiving criticism. But, for all that, she would 
never have expected mother to refuse to allow her to 
bring home even one of the girls. She had always 
been hospitable to her friends before, just as to those 
of her own children, Kathleen’s half-brother and 
sisters. Now she had made some excuse about 
the home circle and the Christmas-tide, and all that. 
She needn’t have used a word like Christmas-/id^ if 
she were going to be so small about it. Time would 
have answered her purpose much better. 

The train passed one tiny station and stopped at 
a small one. Just before it stopped at a third, Kath- 
leen fastened her jacket, and when they halted, 
went out on the step. Her half-brother Dick, also 
going home for the holidays from the school where 
he was fitting for college, was to board the train here. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


5 


but he would look for her in the regular coaches. 
She caught sight of him at once, a fair-haired, slender 
lad of fifteen in a grey suit, short grey overcoat, and 
cap. He was far down toward the engine, which 
still possessed considerable fascination for him, and 
Kathleen had to alight and signal violently to at- 
tract his attention. 

“Hullo, Kathy!” he said as he approached, and 
kissed her shyly and very hurriedly. But he 
frowned at the car she led him toward. 

“Oh, Kathy, what you putting on such lugs for ?” 
he grumbled. “Great Scott, a parlor-car for just 
that little way 1” 

“It’s rather better for a young girl travelling 
alone,” returned Kathleen with a superior air as 
they entered and took their chairs. “Here’s your 
check. I paid for it out of my own money. The 
other cars are apt to be crowded at holiday time, 
and rather smelly, don’t you know I” 

“Smelly! Great snakes!” exclaimed Dick, with 
a world of scorn. “There’s nothing so dead slow as 
a Pullman; nothing doing at all. Now, in the others 
there’s always something to watch. Wish you’d 
seen the kid with the jelly roll that got on at Walker.” 

“Thanks, I’d rather imagine it,” said Kathleen. 
“How does my suit strike you, Dick?” 

Dick glanced carelessly at the green velvet and 
dark fur. 


6 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Looks nice and warm,” he remarked cheerfully. 
‘‘Notice my tie, Kathy ? It’s not bad, eh ?” 

“Slightly loud, I should say,’’ rejoined Kathleen, 
smiling indulgently. “Of all the shades of red I 
ever saw, that’s the ugliest and purplest — and then 
to be cross-barred with that impossible blue ! Wait 
till mother spots it !’’ 

“Ho, she may like it,’’ said Dick, truly disap- 
pointed. For he had meant to ask Kathleen to 
guess how much it had cost and then to surprise 
her by confessing he had only paid a quarter for it. 

“You and mother don’t always agree, Kathy,’’ he 
added. 

Which was quite true. Kathleen changed the 
subject by asking if Dick were on the school team. 
He shrugged his shoulders as negative. 

“Substitute?” demanded his ' sister in surprised 
disapproval. 

“Naw. ” 

“But, Dick, what have you gone in for in the way 
of athletics ?” 

“Nothing doing,” said Dick coolly. “Swimming 
and walking, of course, but that’s enough for yours 
truly. I’m on the paper — sub-editor — and I’m in 
the debating club. Corking times there, Kathy. 
Last time we had: 'Resolved^ That the aeroplane is 
superior to the submarine as a military weapon.’ 
We won — the negative, you know. It was to have 
been on ‘Mary Queen of Scots,’ but none of the 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


7 


fellows would take the opposition. Gee, here we 
are, Kathy!” 

To Dick Rawdon, the sight of the little smoke- 
begrimed station, with the familiar agent, with round, 
bald head, rushing out and smiling through his 
glasses, and the expressman trundling his trucks, 
meant, as always, adventure and romance, with the 
added zest of being himself a passenger behind the 
big engine on his first home-coming. Only, he hated 
to be seen alighting from the parlor-car I To Kath- 
leen it was merely a dirty, dingy stopping-place, to 
be left behind as soon as possible. 

‘'Oh, Dick ! ” she said, as they rose, “tip the porter, 
will you? A quarter’ll do.” 

“Great Scott, Kathy, I haven’t got but a dime to 
my name — spent the rest on this tie,” said Dick 
calmly. “Shall I give him that?” 

“Goodness, no! Here, give him this.” And she 
stealthily handed him a twenty-five-cent piece. 

“For my part. I’d rather keep it,” observed Dick. 
“What’s he done for you, Kathy?” 

“Oh, Dick, I can’t stop to explain now, but he — 
offered me a pillow, and — anyhow, you have to do it. 
It’s so small not to. And don’t for heaven’s sake 
make it so pointed. Just as a matter of course, you 
know.” 

Susy was waiting for them at the farther side of 
the station with the old white horse. The carriage 


8 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


didn’t look overclean — ^it was a period of slush— 
and old Charley wasn’t checked up, and his head 
almost touched his feet. And Susy wore bright-red 
woollen mittens — of all things ! On the whole, 
Kathleen was relieved that she hadn’t brought 
Ellen or Marjorie. 

She kissed Susy decorously on her round, rosy 
cheek, but Dick gave her a rapturous, bo5dsh bear- 
hug. Kathleen said to herself sagely that, of course, 
he had really been more pleased to see her than Susy, 
for she was nearer his age. That hug was just ner- 
vousness. He hugged old Charley, too. 

As they got in Susy kept the reins. 

‘‘Better let Dick drive. Sue,” said Kathleen. 

“Oh, Kathy, I want to myself,” pleaded the little 
girl. “Mother lets me now, you know. I came 
down all by myself, and I can hitch up and back 
around when there isn’t room to turn.” 

“All right,” said Kathleen, “only do go on. Peo- 
ple will wonder why we’re waiting here.” 

“Hi, Dick, glad to see you !” shouted the express- 
man, rattling by. 

“Hi, Ben!” Dick called back, flushing with 
pleasure. 

They toiled through the mire up the hill. 

“Sue, dear, can’t you hurry Charley up a little 
going through the street?” complained Kathleen. 
“My goodness, he is a plug, isn’t he?” 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


9 


‘Tt’s awfully hard going through all this slush/’ 
insisted Dick, standing up for his old friend. ‘ ' Looks 
as if you’d had sleighing, Sukey? ” 

“Oh, yes, Dick, and sliding, perfectly splendid!” 
cried Susy, her blue eyes shining, her red cheeks 
redder still. Then she added, with seeming irrele- 
vance, though in her child’s mind there was a con- 
nection: “Oh, Kathy, you’re going to sleep with 
me !” 

“Susy Rawdon, what do you mean?” cried Kath- 
leen, the inner irritation she had felt all the way 
from the station becoming sudden indignation. For 
she had looked forward to sleeping again in her own 
bed — alone, of course. 

“Mother thought it would save washing,” said 
Susy gently. 

“Save washing I Well, I like that !” cried Kath- 
leen. “I never thought she’d be so small as that — 
to shut me out of my room to save washing 1” 

Dick’s thin, tanned face flushed sensitively. 

“Kathleen Rawdon, are you calling mother 
small?” he demanded. 

“It’s because of Ellen — she has so much to do,” 
the gentle Susy interposed. “Father doesn’t feel 
very well, and mother goes to the office every day 
to help him, and that leaves so much for Ellen that 
mother and I help her out as much as we can. The 
twins don’t understand, and we don’t say anything 


10 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


to them. Mother says to keep ’em babies as long 
as we can, even if it does make more trouble for her 
and me — ^but it really doesn’t, Kathy, they’re so 
darling.” 

They were driving slowly through the long main 
street of the little town. The shops were brightly 
lighted, but looked ugly and old-fashioned in com- 
parison with the artistic little shops of the college 
town, and the display in the windows struck Kath- 
leen as ludicrous. People were plodding cheer- 
fully — ^poking stolidly, the girl thought — through the 
slush. They met carriages, carts, and motor-cars, 
and Susy gave the other party so much of the street 
that she almost went into the ditch. 

Kathleen turned impatiently. 

“Susy, why doesn’t mother put out the wa — laun- 
dry?” she demanded. “It seems so — sort of com- 
mon to save on anything like — bed-linen.” 

“It costs so much, Kathy dear,” said wise little 
Susy, “and Ellen says they eat the sheets aU up 
and ” 

“Gee! regular cannibals!” interjected Dick, and 
Susy laughed as if it were the greatest joke in the 
world. 

“It’s the stuff they put in, Dicky,” she explained, 
“lye that you spell with a *y,’ you know.” 

She turned to her older sister. 

“Kathy, I’ll go in with the twins and save my 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


11 


sheets, if you want, and you can have your room all 
to yourself.” 

** That’s a dear ! ” said Kathleen, patting her shoul- 
der. “It’ll be fim, won’t it. Sue, to sleep three in a 
bed with Flora and Dora?” 

“Oh, yes !” said Susy, striving to be enthusiastic, 
for the twins were restless bedfellows. 

“Well, I just bet mother won’t let her,” said Dick 
indignantly. 

An angry retort rose to Kathleen’s lips, but did 
not escape. For at that moment old Charley turned 
of his own will into the driveway of home. There 
was the shabby, hospitable, old white house with 
lights twinkling from the windows; and there in the 
pillared porch stood dad with mother behind him, 
and the twins shouting from the doorway. Kath- 
leen’s heart beat warmly as she leaped from the 
carriage into her father’s arms. It was good to be 
home ! 


CHAPTER II 


HE dining-room certainly looked smaller, and 



1 the ceiling seemed to have lowered itself by 
several feet. The carpet, which Kathleen remem- 
bered as the parlor carpet of her childhood, and which 
covered the whole floor in the old-fashioned way, was 
horribly faded, and yet those impossible figures 
stood out more conspicuously than ever. The room 
looked tidy enough except for the mantel, which was 
cluttered up like a kitchen-shelf. Then, too, the 
evening meal was supper instead of dinner — a good, 
hot supper, indeed, with Kathleen’s and Dick’s 
favorite dishes; but it wasn’t dinner, and no one 
dressed for it. The twins were excited and rather 
boisterous, and their father encouraged them by 
laughing at them. Ellen wasn’t once called in dur- 
ing the meal, and conversation was constantly inter- 
rupted by some one asking for butter or bread, or 
passing a cup to mother for more chocolate. Kath- 
leen fairly gasped as she thought of what her feelings 
must have been had she brought one of her friends 
with her. Now, she was secretly thankful for her 
mother’s firmness, no matter what lay at the root 


of it. 


12 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


13 


The girl was rather silent. She wondered at Dick. 
He appeared so radiantly happy. Usually a quiet 
lad, he talked much, constantly appealing to his 
mother, bursting out with short, disjointed reminis- 
cences of his first term at boarding-school. He 
laughed uproariously at Flora and Dora, paid Susy, 
who spoke slowly lest she stammer, the most defer- 
ential attention, and even bounced out into the 
kitchen to tell Ellen how good the pickled pears were. 
Dick didn’t seem to feel any change, any sort of — 
disillusionment. One would have thought from his 
demeanor that things had improved since they left 
in the fall, instead of rather going down-hill as they 
actually had. 

“Oh, mother, what do you think !” he was saying 
with shining eyes and a flush showing through the 
tan of his thin cheek, just as Kathleen turned with 
dismay from a large colored calendar with advertis- 
ing in huge letters: Bates and I found witch-hazel 
off in the woods on Thanksgiving Day.” 

‘'Why, Dick, how splendid!” exclaimed Mrs. 
Rawdon, with an enthusiasm she never exhibited 
toward any of Kathleen’s ventures. ‘T didn’t get 
out on the Metcalf road this year, and so missed it 
for the first time since the twins were bom. Was it 
abundant, dear?” 

“Well, quite a lot, you know, mother, though not 
like goldenrod or anything of that sort. We brought 


14 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


some back to the hall and the housekeeper was 
daffy over it. Oh, yes, and another day — I guess 
that was earlier — ^we found a little red lizard.” 

“A salamander, son. Aren’t they fascinating?” 
returned Mrs. Rawdon, and turned to Kathleen. 
‘‘No chocolate for you, dear? It seems queer to see 
you drinking tea.” 

Kathleen thought she might have said singular 
or curious, or even odd, 

“If Dick went in for athletics as he ought, he 
wouldn’t be pouring down chocolate at that rate,” 
she rejoined. “That’s his third cup.” 

“Dick is so thin I’m glad to see him take to choco- 
late and other nourishing things,” said his mother. 
“Don’t you get good food, son?” 

“Oh, yes, mother, it went very well, especially 
when you’re always htmgry,” Dick admitted, “but 
of course you and Ellen knock the spots all ofiE 
them.” 

Mrs. Rawdon smiled happily. She was a tall 
woman, thin and almost angular, but youthful- 
looking, with a singularly strong, fine face. Her 
eyes were brown and soft, her large mouth full of 
humor and kindness, and her wide brow smooth 
and white. But in the brown hair, plainly parted 
from it, and coiled about her head, a few grey hairs 
had appeared during the children’s absence. Kath- 
leen, noticing it, wondered if her mother minded 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


15 


looking older. It was Dick who was secretly touched 
by the sight. 

Mr. Rawdon, who had thus far occupied himself 
mostly with his eldest daughter, turned to his son. 
A delicate-looking man, with white hair and mous- 
tache, he had a young face with hazel eyes like 
Kathleen’s. 

“Don’t you go in for sports, Ricky?” he asked 
with some surprise. 

Dick’s bright face clouded, for his father’s voice 
and expression denoted disappointment, even dis- 
approval. 

“Not much, dad,” he admitted reluctantly. 

“But, father, Dick tramps for exercise. He knows 
all the cormtry round already,” interposed Mrs. 
Rawdon, her cheeks flushing in the same sensitive 
way that Dick’s had done. “And he goes in for 
debating and such things. There’s nothing better 
for a lad than walking and running, and he’ll go to 
college with ideas in his head that will give him a 
better sense of proportion than the athletes have.” 

“Kaffy’s fat,” remarked Dora suddenly. “Does 
afleticks do vat ? ” 

Every one laughed except Kathleen. 

“You absurd baby !” she said; “mother, I’ve lost 
three pounds since Christmas.” 

“And how many had you gained up to that time, 
dear?” queried her mother with a quizzical smile. 


16 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


And Kathleen, who had in truth gained twelve, 
would not answer. 

Meantime Susy had been eagerly awaiting an 
opportunity to speak. Being the only one who was 
scrupulous not to interrupt, she had some difficulty. 
In the pause she asked her question. 

*'Oh, Kathy, what is your favorite study ?” asked 
the little bookworm. 

Hockey, my dear,” returned Kathleen calmly, 
and every one laughed except Susy, who turned in- 
quiringly to her mother. 

‘‘Well, well,” exclaimed her father, “do you put 
up a good game, daughter ?” 

“They tell me it’s not bad,” the girl admitted, 
with her own pretty, mischievous smile which her 
father admired and loved. “And I’m captain of 
the freshman basket-ball team,” she added. 

“Good!” 

“And we got up a ball nine and I caught. We 
beat an all-star team that met us. We had to stop 
that at Thanksgiving, but there are plenty of other 
stimts to fill in.” 

“Well, my dear, I’m glad you do not neglect your 
health,” Mr. Rawdon remarked judicially. “You 
look better than I ever knew you to, and I don’t 
doubt that your studies benefit by it.” 

Kathleen cast a comical glance at Dick, who 
missed it in his absorption in plum-cake. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


17 


*Tt certainly makes one alert, dad, dear,” she said 
sweetly. ‘‘For instance” — ^her eyes twinkled — “I 
know a girl who does fairly well in all sorts of athletic 
stunts that hardly looked at her math till the night 
before the examination in trig. Well, she plugged 
nearly all night, had a clear head in the morning, 
and passed the exam. She had lots of red blood 
and oxygen to spare, you see.” 

Mr. Rawdon smiled fondly and indulgently. 
But his wife’s face was serious. Proud and sensi- 
tive, of deep feeling, she had longed to have Kath- 
leen make the utmost of advantages for which she 
had herself longed in vain as a young girl. 

“But, Kathleen, what did it all mean ?” she asked, 
trying to keep her voice cool and even. “A college 
education isn’t, of course, getting through examina- 
tions in that automatic way. Isn’t the value of 
mathematics in the discipline it affords the mind? 
Where, pray, did that come in for the athletic girl 
who bolted the whole subject in a night ?” 

“Oh, mother!” protested Kathleen, “that old- 
fashioned notion about mathematics being dis- 
cipline for the mind was exploded long ago. The 
theory now is that one thing’s as good as another. 
Whatever you take to most naturally, you know, 
that’s the best discipline.” 

“That sounds like kindergarten,” said Mrs. Raw- 
don rather sharply. 


18 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


"‘Kindergarten!” echoed Dora, “ours, muvver?” 

“Ours, muwer?” repeated the other twin. 

“Yes, duckies,” said their mother, smiling on 
them. 

“But, of course, mother, it’s likely to be something 
just exactly as stiff as mathematics,” Kathleen de- 
clared, “like biology, you know, or — anthropology.” 

She hadn’t the slightest idea what the latter 
might be, and trembled lest Susy or the twins in- 
quire. But her mother responded too quickly to 
give the slow Susy a chance. 

“Well, Kathleen, all I can say is, that if the men 
of dad’s age who went to college had been trained 
according to that theory, if you may call it so — if they 
had bolted their mathematics, and, perhaps, dawdled 
over botany or the history of art, business and the 
professions would be in a sad state to-day.” 

She spoke with more warmth than she had meant 
to show. Susy, sensitive and mature beyond her 
years, felt the strain and spoke quickly for her. 

“Dicky, what’s your favorite study?” 

“Geology,” said Dick promptly; “it’s perfectly 
corking. You’d like it first rate, Sukey. You’ll 
have to study it when you grow older. Mother, of 
course she’ll go to college?” 

“Yes, indeed,” said his mother warmly, though 
she had never been in the least enthusiastic in 
regard to Kathleen’s going. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


19 


‘‘And us, muwer?” demanded one of the twins, 
to be echoed by the other. 

“Possibly, if your present thirst for information 
endures,” returned their mother. 

“Is geology anything like geography, Dick? I 
just love that !” exclaimed Susy eagerly. 

Kathleen and her father laughed merrily. 

“Something like physical geography; you know, 
there’s paragraphs about that scattered through the 
book,” explained Dick gently. “I’ll tell you all 
about it to-morrow, Sukey. You and I’ll go out 
on the Metcalf road and I’ll take my hammer 
along.” 

He drew the shining implement from his pocket, 
showed it to the delighted Susy, then passed it to 
his mother, who examined it almost fondly, in a 
way that went to his heart. 

“Us, too, Dicky?” asked the chubby twins. 

Dick looked at them doubtfully. He thought 
them the funniest, jolliest youngsters in the world, 
but 

“No, little daughters,” said Mrs. Rawdon firmly. 
“Susy shall have Dick all to herself for the walk. 
She’s so good and willing and unselfish that we all 
impose upon her. She’s getting to be a little old 
woman, and we can’t have that yet awhile. I mean 
that she shall have her vacation while Kathy’s 
home to share some of the responsibility. Dick, 


20 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


I appoint you herewith special constable to see that 
Susy enjoys it.” 

“Sure, mother, I’ll see to that,” Dick declared 
warmly. 

Kathleen could scarcely conceal her surprise. 
Her face grew rather hard as they went into the 
living-room and clustered around the big table, she 
alone sitting apart. All the other girls’ mothers 
would be looking out to see that they had a jolly 
time during their holidays, and mother was planning 
to make a drudge of her instead. Then, too, why 
should she seize upon Dick exclusively for Susy? 
True, Susy and Dick had always been chums; but 
it was different now that Dick was away at school. 
Susy was just a little girl, and he was a young man. 
It would be fitting and expected that he should turn 
to his older sister and make an intimate companion 
of her. Mother was certainly rather dense. Of 
course, she wasn’t narrow enough to impress upon 
Dick that there was any difference between a half- 
sister and Susy. She had been his sister ever since 
he was bom, and he didn’t know any difference. 

She caught Dick glancing happily about the room. 
His school must be a bleak place, indeed, for him 
to take such obvious pleasure in seeing all these 
old things again. As her own eyes wandered about, 
Kathleen seemed to understand a vague sense of 
dissatisfaction, and even of irritation, she had so 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


21 


often felt before she went to college. It wasn’t 
that things were so shabby ; it wasn’t that the place 
was so chock-full; it was simply that nothing was 
artistic either in form or arrangement. Fancy keep- 
ing that worsted motto, God Bless Our Hornet hang- 
ing there all these years, like pictures of Way-Back 
in the magazines ! 

Being reminded of their bedtime, the twins set up 
a roar. In the circumstances, their mother granted 
them fifteen minutes’ grace, and both jumped for 
joy, with an amazing amount of noise even for twins. 

‘'Muwer, Susy’s going to sleep wiv us!” cried 
Dora. 

“Evwy single night while Kaffy’s home!” added 
Flora. 

Mrs. Rawdon flushed. She turned quickly to 
Kathleen. But Susy spoke. 

'‘M-m-mother,” she said, stammering for the first 
time in a fortnight, ''it will be f-f-f — It will be 
fun, dear, you know. And Kathy can have her 
room all to herself.” 

"Kathleen, do you want Susy to do that?” 
asked her mother. 

"Why, mother, she proposed it herself,” returned 
Kathleen. "Of course it would be rather nicer to 
have my room all to myself. Some of us girls were 
talking of it last night.” 

"Yes, indeed, daughter,” chimed in her father. 


22 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


*Ht certainly is something to look forward to. I 
well remember how glad I used to be to get back to 
my bed imder the rafters when I had been away as 
a boy. Let the girl have her room to herself, Mary. 
Sukey’ll fit in anywhere, won’t you, pet?” 

*'Yes, indeed, daddy, dear,” cried Susy. 

Mrs. Rawdon said nothing, and Kathleen felt 
quite justified by her father’s defense. Susy slept 
in her own room, however. Afterward Kathleen 
learned that Mrs. Rawdon spent one full forenoon 
of the following week helping Ellen with the iron- 
ing. The girl couldn’t help feeling that it was 
rather foolish in her mother, and, perhaps, just a 
bit spiteful. If she had done only the extra sheets 
and pillow-slip, it might have seemed different. 
But to work half a day was just to make a martyr 
of herself ! 


CHAPTER III 


K athleen RAWDON did not remember her 
own mother. Neither did she remember the 
period between her death and the coming of her 
stepmother. But many times during that ten days' 
vacation she longed for an own mother — one who 
would be as devoted to her as her father was, and 
would stand as loyally by her. It seemed to her 
that she had never before been so conscious of the 
difference between a mother and a stepmother — 
almost a typical stepmother, who criticised every- 
thing she said or did, and seemed to see no good 
whatever in her. If she hadn't been so pleasant to 
every one else, Kathleen would have believed that 
her disposition had suddenly soured; for, severe as 
she had always been, she hadn't come down upon 
her so constantly and severely before. 

The worst of it was, indeed; that mother was 
really so warm-hearted and so sweet. She simply 
worshipped her own children, and just showered 
praises upon Susy and Dick. The children were 
dears, of course, though perhaps a bit commonplace, 
and quite wanting in individuality. If only she 
would care a little for Kathleen. If only she would 
once in a while give her some little word of praise 
23 


24 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


or commendation. Sometimes it seemed as if she 
would give up all her father’s praise for one word of 
mother’s. 

For the truth was that Kathleen Rawdon cared 
secretly and half>unconsciously more for her step- 
mother than for any one else in the world. She 
had always longed for her good opinion, her appro- 
bation, her praise, though she had never gone to 
work in the right way to win them. And now, fresh 
from the attentions and favor of the chief “set” in 
college, she was less likely than ever to be humble- 
minded enough to sue at home for what she received 
abroad without effort on her part. 

On New Year’s day, however, she had a few hours 
of genuine satisfaction. Susy had had a pair of 
skates for Christmas, and Dick had been teaching 
her to skate. He had to return to school the 'follow- 
ing day, and this afternoon was to be his last lesson. 
The day was fine, the ice said to be in perfect condi- 
tion, and Susy had progressed so well that after 
to-day she hoped to go alone. 

Neither Mr. Rawdon nor Kathleen knew of the 
plan, and the former asked Dick to go to the office 
with him and help him for the afternoon. Of 
comse Susy yielded her brother without a word, and 
he went off with his father directly after dinner. 
But the little girl suddenly disappeared, and when 
she reappeared her eyelids were red. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


25 


Kathleen caught a glimpse of her and went hur- 
riedly to her mother. 

“What’s happened to Susy — ^you haven’t been 
punishing her, mother?” she asked with some 
warmth, for though Kathleen imposed upon the 
child’s unselfishness, she loved her dearly. 

“Indeed, I haven’t, Kathy,” returned Mrs. Raw- 
don, half indignant that she should be suspected of 
punishing one whom she believed to be far better 
than herself, half gratified that Kathleen should 
thus champion her little sister. 

She went on to explain Susy’s disappointment 
over the skating, which must have gotten the better 
of her. And on a sudden mother and daughter 
smiled into one another’s eyes as Susy passed the 
door singing “Oh, say does that star-spangled ban- 
ner yet wave” in a bravado of cheerfulness. 

“Bless her heart !” cried Kathleen, “I’ll take her, 
mother. I’ll finish her tuition in a style that’ll sur- 
prise Dick.” 

“Oh, Kathleen, dear, if you would!” exclaimed 
her mother with such a loving glance that the girl’s 
heart leaped. “But weren’t you going to Isabel’s ? ” 

“I’ll go early because I promised, but I’ll be at 
the pond at quarter of four and Sukey can meet me 
there. Tell her to come to the end nearest Riggs’s.” 

She dressed hurriedly and went off in high good 
humor with herself. And Mrs. Rawdon was so 


26 KATHLEEN^S PROBATION 


pleased with this unusual instance of sisterly kind- 
ness that she forbore to make the nattiral comment, 
that the green velveteen suit was too good to wear 
skating. 

She had been profoundly disappointed in Kath- 
leen upon her return from college. Instead of the 
improvement in the girl she had hoped for and 
expected, she seemed to see only an increase in her 
faults, which were rather numerous and striking. 
Devoted to her handsome stepdaughter, she had 
missed her sadly, and the disappointment of her 
hopes had engendered a certain irritability in her, of 
which she had been conscious for the past week, and 
which was really quite foreign to her nature. 

When she had married Mr. Rawdon, Kathleen 
had been a handsome, spoiled baby of two years, 
to whom she had hoped to take the place of a mother. 
From the first she had been very fond of her, and 
when her own children came she had not been con- 
scious of loving them more. But the latter were 
sweet, docile children, inheriting her own unselfish- 
ness, and easy to guide; while Kathleen was head- 
strong, selfish, and, even as a child, avid of praise. 
In the very nature of things, the young mother had 
been obliged to be more strict with Kathleen than 
with the younger children, else she and they would 
have been constantly dominated by her. And the 
situation was further complicated by the fact that 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


27 


Mr. Rawdon, in other respects the kindest and most 
considerate husband, and the fondest father to all 
his five children, had always felt (secretly, he be- 
lieved, though both his wife and Kathleen under- 
stood it) that he had somehow wronged his daughter 
in marrying a second time, and he had always borne 
himself toward her in a somewhat apologetic way. 
He had accordingly disapproved of any effort to 
discipline her, and had, though unawares, influenced 
the child to feel that the authority of her stepmother 
was in the way of usurpation. 

Happy in all else, Mrs. Rawdon had had to hold 
herself firm in this regard. She could not, however, 
help being influenced : strive as she would to be im- 
partial in the true sense and to Kathleen’s true 
advantage, she foimd herself constantly yielding, 
where she should have been immovable, ignoring 
acts of selfishness that should have been checked 
and punished, and as the girl grew older, allowing 
her privileges which she were better without, and 
luxuries which they could not afford. 

In the latter category had really belonged Kath- 
leen’s desire to go to college. The girl had gone 
through the local high school with lazy enjoyment, 
popular with her fellows and with the teachers, 
animated at games, and the life of all the parties 
and festivities. But, though she was quick and 
bright and learned easily, she had shown little in- 


28 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


terest in her studies and had been graduated with 
a pcK)r and, considering the circumstances, really 
a discreditable record. On which accoimt, her 
father being far from strong, with a family of grow- 
ing children to provide for and educate, Mrs. Raw- 
don had not considered it necessary nor right to 
make the sacrifices that would be demanded to send 
Kathleen to college. 

But Kathleen’s eagerness had won her father 
strongly to her side. Mrs. Rawdon had yielded 
perforce; but she had done more than her share to 
make it easy and comfortable for the girl to go, 
wearing old clothes herself that Kathleen might have 
the larger store of new and becoming ones, and do- 
ing without certain extra help she had had in the 
household to increase the sum of her pocket-money. 

She had striven, too, with all her might, to lead 
the girl to estimate at something like their true 
value the privileges she was to enjoy. Thoughtful 
herself, a student and lover of books, she had 
ardently hoped Kathleen’s interest might be aroused 
and sustained. She had looked forward to her re- 
turning home more thoughtful and earnest, and had 
anticipated the beginning of a closer companion- 
ship between them, a friendship to replace the old 
uncertain relation that had been in many ways 
galling to both. 

But the girl had returned with her faults intensi- 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


29 


fied, and without new spirit. In the arrogance of 
her youthful beauty and popularity, the girl was as 
‘"impossible” to Mrs. Rawdon as her stepmother 
seemed to Kathleen. She wanted only a jolly time. 
She wanted the family to bow down before her, to 
give themselves up to securing the happiness of her 
holidays. She wished to see her old school friends, 
partly, indeed, because she was fond of them, but 
largely to impress them with the image of a popular 
college girl, a good sport. 

She didn’t care to talk about her studies, nor about 
the professors and instructors. She practically re- 
fused to waste her time over such topics. She 
scorned to pretend to take any interest in them, 
insisting airily upon the theory that the value of a 
college course lies in the general atmosphere of cul- 
ture, in intercourse with girls from all over the 
country, the cream of the South and West, as well 
as of the East; in the peculiar and charming social 
life amid artistic surroimdings, in the broadening of 
the mind, and in the sort of insensible absorption 
of general information, which, after all, is all one 
needs in after-life. 

Against such self-sufficiency there seemed to Mrs. 
Rawdon absolutely no way of appeal, though she 
didn’t by any means give over without striving. 
Neither did Kathleen share Mrs. Rawdon’s anxiety 
for her husband. The girl was very fond of her 


30 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


father, but she couldn’t see that he looked ill in the 
least; quite likely he didn’t get exercise enough. 
Her mother was nervous and fussy about him; 
Kathleen wondered that dad endured it as he did. 
It even occurred to the girl that her mother was 
“rubbing it in” in regard to her father, because of 
her extravagance last term. She hadn’t forgiven 
her for getting the velveteen suit with money she 
had had, and then sending for more for books and 
various dues. She seemed to think she could make 
her wickedness more striking by harping on her 
father’s ill health. 

But to-day, as Kathleen betook herself gayly to 
Isabel’s with her mother’s kiss on her cheek and 
smile in her heart, Mrs. Rawdon went eagerly to 
bear the news to Susy. The child was overjoyed. 
She laid out her coat and tam-o’-shanter, her fur 
tippet, and the scorned red mittens, examined the 
felt bag to make sure the key of the skates was there, 
and then started games with the twins to while 
away the time. 

But just as Mrs. Rawdon was tucking her sailor 
collar under her coat, Susy’s violin teacher came to 
the house, and finding no one below, ran up-stairs 
and into the room where they were. The Brad- 
burys were driving over to Middlebury to hear 
Sobiensky, the celebrated ’cellist, who was to play 
at the home of one of their friends, and had asked 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


31 


her to go. At the last moment they had sent her 
word that there was room in the car for a little girl 
and that she might bring one of her pupils. She 
had herself thought of Susy Rawdon, and Mrs. 
Bradley had suggested her name. She must come 
right back with her, for they were to call for her in 
ten minutes. 

Mrs. Rawdon had pulled off Susy’s coat, and 
opened the drawer where her best dress was kept. 
But even as she took it out, she remembered, and 
Susy remembered at the same moment. 

“Oh, mother!” cried Susy, who was passionately 
fond of music, “I can’t go, can I ?” 

“Dear me, Susy has promised to meet Kathleen 
way out at Warren’s Pond, Miss Rodney. Isn’t 
it a pity!” exclaimed Mrs. Rawdon. 

“Where’s Kathleen now?” demanded Miss Rod- 
ney. 

“At Isabel Webster’s.” 

“We’ll telephone to her from the house,” said 
Miss Rodney quickly. 

Susy was buttoned into her pretty, light-blue 
frock and bundled into her best coat. Mrs. Raw- 
don, who was going to Mr. Rawdon’s office, put on 
her own wraps, took the skates in case of need, and 
the three hastened over to Miss Rodney’s. 

The big motor-car stood at the door already. 
So when Mrs. Rawdon heard through the telephone 


32 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


that Kathleen had already left the Websters’, there 
was no time to plan. Miss Rodney went off re- 
luctantly without Susy, and the little girl walked 
soberly along by her mother to the point where 
they took cars headed in opposite directions. 

‘‘You’re rather overdressed for skating, dear,” 
said Mrs. Rawdon cheerfully, trying to smile. “I 
wish there were time to go home and get your mit- 
tens. I’m afraid your hands will be cold in those 
gloves. Oh, you can take my muff! How lucky 
that I had it.” 

“Oh, mother, your good muff!” 

“Yes, for my good girl.” Again Mrs. Rawdon 
smiled, though she felt rather like weeping for the 
child’s disappointment which she hid so bravely. 

“I couldn’t go back, for I’d be very late,” 
said Susy. “I’ll be there now just on time, only 
Kathy’ll be there first if she’s started already, 
for she hasn’t so far to go. I’d like to be first, 
mother.” 

“Yes, dear, mother knows you would. Well, 
here’s your car. Have a good time, dearest. 
Mother’ll be home early, and when you and Kathy 
come there’ll be a specially good supper waiting, 
because of its being New Year’s.” 

Mrs. Rawdon was indeed home long before Susy. 
The fair day clouded early, and about five snow be- 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


33 


gan to fall. At half past five Mrs. Rawdon began 
to be anxious. If the girls had started home when 
it began to snow they ought to be here. 

Just upon six Kathleen came bounding in, her 
eyes shining, her cheeks glowing. 

‘ * Kathy, where’s Susy ? ’ ’ asked her mother. ‘ * Did 
she get a ride ?” 

‘‘Oh, mother, isn’t she home yet? You see it 
was this way ” 

Mrs. Rawdon paled. “Kathy, what do you 
mean ?” she cried. 

“Oh, mother, you see Isabel had a chance at the 
last minute for me to go over to Middlebury with 
Frances and her to hear a perfectly wonderful 
’cellist, and ” 

“And you got Susy and took her, dear?” 

“Why, no, mother, of course not. She wasn’t 
invited.” 

“Well, what did you do?” 

“Why, mother, it was like this. There wasn’t 
a mite of time, and Mrs. ” 

“Kathleen Rawdon, you don’t mean to tell me 
that you went off to Middlebury without letting 
your little sister know ” 

“Oh, mother, the girls said the pond would be 
just full of children and — and grown people, too, 
and — and — they just made me go. You don’t 
understand what a chance ” 


34 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


‘T don’t want to understand,” cried Mrs. Rawdon, 
*T want to know where Susy is !” 

”What a little goose she was to stay after it 
snowed. I’ll go for her right away, mother. I’ve 
got my things on, and it won’t take any time.” 

‘'No, Kathleen, I shall go myself,” said Mrs. 
Rawdon, getting out her long cape to go over her 
jacket. ‘T couldn’t bear it to wait and fear what 
may have happened. No, you can’t go with 
me. No, indeed. Take your things off and help 
Ellen with supper. You and yoiu* father and the 
twins have it as usual. I’ll be back as soon as I 
can.” 

The snow fell heavily now, and the cars were late. 
It was after half past six when Mrs. Rawdon reached 
the pond, and dark, save for the whiteness of the 
landscape. The place was quite deserted except for 
a lonely little figure at the end toward Riggs’s, 
holding a large muff, and moving forlornly back 
and forth Over a rod of snow. 

“Precious child!” cried her mother. “Oh, Susy, 
darling, are you chilled through ? And you had no 
rubbers 1 Come with mother, quick.” 

For a moment Susy only clung speechless to her 
mother. A sob choked her when she tried to speak, 
but before they reached the car she had so con- 
trolled herself that she could speak, and slowly so as 
not to stammer. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


35 


“Kathy — ^hasn’t come yet. Oh, mother, nothing 
has happened to darling Kathy ?” 

“No, dear, Kathy’s quite safe. But, dear, we 
must hurry. I must get you home. Your boots 
are wet through.” 

On the car, Mrs. Rawdon took the child, who, 
though round-faced, rosy, and tall, was small and 
slender, into her arms and held her close, wrapping 
her in her warm cape. Arriving home, she put her 
to bed with warm flannels and hot bottles, gave 
her her tea, and read to her imtil Susy fell asleep. 

It was late when she went down to the dining- 
room, where the faithful Ellen brought her her sup- 
per. As soon as Ellen went out, Kathleen came in. 

“Mother, let me tell you,” she began hurriedly, 
“honestly I didn’t dream that Susy wouldn’t have 
sense enough ” 

“Kathleen,” said her mother gravely, “I should 
have expected you to inquire first whether Susy 
suffered any harm — not to attempt first of all to 
justify yourself.” 

Kathleen flushed. 

“Why, mother of course, I saw you come in, and 
Susy as lively as could be, and of course she’ll come 
out all right with all that fuss over her. But hon- 
estly, mother, don’t you think she was foolish to 
wait all that time — after it began to snow and all ?” 

“Susy isn’t old enough to judge when she had 


36 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


done enough to redeem her word. The child only 
knew she had promised, and it was like her dear, 
honorable little soul to wait up to the last mo- 
ment.” 

For a little, Kathleen drew lines on the table-cloth 
with a fork she took up. Presently she spoke. 

'‘The way you said that, mother, sounded as if 
you thought I was not — ^honorable,” she protested. 

“I wish very much, dear, you had kept your word 
to Susy,” said her mother quietly. 

“But it wasn’t like a real promise,” insisted the 
girl. “There wasn’t time to send any word nor any 
way to do it. Mrs. Webster herself said Susy would 
understand something had kept me, and would just 
have a good time with the other children. And 
she said it wouldn’t be right to lose a chance to hear 
Sobiensky.” 

“Susy gave up the chance, and she cares more for 
music than you or I.” 

Kathleen stared at her with incredulous wonder. 
Mrs. Rawdon explained. 

“And she didn’t skate at all, though a number of 
people offered to put on her skates and help her. 
At first, when there were so many on the pond, she 
was afraid you wouldn’t find her easily. Then when 
it grew later, she told me, she hadn’t the heart to. 
Oh, Kathy, she thought something had happened 
to you !” 


KATHLEEN^S PROBATION 


37 


On a sudden Kathleen dropped her head on the 
table and began to cry. Her mother left her supper 
and was beside her in an instant, her arm about her. 
Kathleen rested her head upon her shoulder in real 
relief. 

'‘Oh, mother, I see it all differently now,” she 
said. “But — you’ll never believe again that I’m — 
honorable ? ” 

“My dear, no one is more ready than mother to 
believe all good of you. But I want you to feel 
sorry for the thing itself, anxious not to do such a 
thing again, rather than so desirous of my good 
opinion — or that of any one else. And I want you 
to value truth and honor in themselves. I want 
my girls to have as fine a sense of honor as father 
and Dick.” 

“I suppose you think Susy has already?” said 
Kathleen soberly. 

“Yes, dear, I do.” 

“She has, I know,” acknowledged Kathleen. 

She kissed her mother warmly and went quietly 
to her room. But the softer feeling gave way to a 
sense of injury. Her mother’s words rankled. She 
didn’t think it at all fitting that Dick, who was 
nearly three years yotmger and, of course, callow 
and crude like any boy, should be held before her as 
a model. That was the worst of mother! When 
she seemed sweetest and Kathleen yielded utterly 


38 


KATHLEEN^S PROBATION 


to her — ^bit the dust, indeed — she’d take care to 
leave some pricking thorn in her heart at the end. 

“If she only understood me a little, she’d know 
that that’s just the wrong tack to take,” the girl 
said to herself, as she brushed her long, heavy hair 
before the mirror. “But she doesn’t understand, 
and it would never occiu* to her to make any effort 
that way. Susy and Dick are so simple and matter- 
of-fact that she can’t imderstand that what goes 
with them isn’t at all the same for a person that is 
more complex and sensitive. I wonder if even 
when I’m a grown woman she’ll respect my per- 
sonality and we can be like friends?” 


CHAPTER IV 


N ext day Kathleen was altogether charming. 

Susy had a slight cold and her older sister 
devoted herself to her, petting her and striving to 
entertain her, when simply her company meant so 
much to Susy that the unselfish child was quite 
overwhelmed. Dick was leaving for his school 
that day, and Kathleen tried to help her mother 
get him ready and made a box of his favorite candy 
for him to carry back. She bundled up the twins 
and took them out for a frolic in the snow which 
continued to fall, and when the hour came, she drove 
Dick and her mother to the station, putting up old 
Charley herself on her retiim, instead of leaving it 
to her father. 

But she received no praise whatever from her 
mother, who took it all coolly as if it were no more 
than the eldest daughter's duty to expend her 
strength that way when she herself had to return in 
three days more. Whether or not that was the 
cause, in any event the white mood did not last 
overnight. The following day she was her former 
instead of her better self, and she remained so dur- 
ing the remainder of the vacation. 

39 


40 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


On the night before she was to return to college, 
as Kathleen was preparing for bed, her mother 
came in and dropped into a rocking-chair. 

“I was sorry, dear, to refuse to let you bring any 
of the girls home, but you understood, didn’t you, 
Kathy?” she said. 

She looked tired and there were lines in her 
smooth forehead which Kathleen, however, did not 
notice. 

‘*Oh, yes, mother!” Kathleen returned with an 
impatient stroke at her hair. '‘It turned out that 
it was much better, anyhow. I’m afraid it would 
have been pretty slow for either of the girls I wanted 
to ask; they’re used to a lot doing, you know.” 

“Oh, Kathy, haven’t you had a good time, dear ?” 
cried her mother impulsively, smitten suddenly by 
self-reproach. 

“Oh, yes, of course, mother!” returned Kathleen 
shortly. “What in the world was Flora howling so 
for? Temper?” 

“Earache,” returned Mrs. Rawdon with a sigh. 

For a little she sat silent, her eyes upon her 
daughter’s splendid hair, glowing like bronze imder 
the light. But she had come in with a purpose. 

“Kathy, I’ve been wondering if you have thought 
about what you would Hke to do when you’re through 
college,” she said half hesitatingly. “If you have 
some fixed purpose in mind it makes a difference in 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


41 


your selection of work, I suppose, and has a certain 
influence upon your life in general — gives it a cer- 
tain luiity. Of course you’re young, and tastes 
change; still, it seems better to have a changing or 
vacillating piupose than none at all.” 

‘T’ve only got so far,” said Kathleen, turning to 
face her mother with her beautiful hair about her 
face and hanging over her shoulders below her 
waist. “I’d like to go abroad the summer I am 
graduated and spend a year — ^rather quietly, you 
know, staying two or three months in a place. And 
then I could be settling my mind as to what I 
wanted to do afterward.” 

“Kathleen Rawdon, I’m sime I don’t know what 
you’re thinking of!” cried her mother. “Oh, my 
dear, don’t set your heart on any such thing ! 
There isn’t the slightest chance in the world of 
your going abroad unless you should win a scholar- 
ship; and I can’t imagine your wanting to go for 
research or hard work. You see, father has Dick 
to put through college after he’s through with his 
school, and by that time Susy ’ll be sixteen. She’s 
an unusual child in mind as well as in disposition, 
and she must have her chance, either college or a 
musical education, or possibly a combination of 
the two. And yet, you know — ” Mrs. Rawdon 
paused and smiled ruefully. “After all, Kathy, 
dear, it’s dad that we all ought to consider. He 


42 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


needs a rest the worst way. At Thanksgiving- 
time he was so poorly that I begged him to take 
both you children out of school at the end of the 
term and go abroad himself. I could carry on the 
business for six months, for I have helped him since 
early fall regularly.” 

“Of course, dad wouldn’t do that!” Kathleen 
exclaimed in surprised accents. 

“I haven’t yet been able to persuade him,” said 
Mrs. Rawdon wearily. 

She leaned back in her chair and her hands 
dropped listlessly into her lap. All the spirit that 
had animated her when she sought Kathleen’s 
room had left her, and she had to make an effort 
to make her words soimd other than perfunc- 
tory. 

“Now, Kathy, when you get back, do try to think 
of your future — ^what you will do with your life. 
Of course you could stay right at home and cheer 
your father’s and mother’s declining days” — she 
smiled, but wearily — “and we’d be right pleased to 
have you, but I am afraid you wouldn’t be content. 
However, I really don’t think that as far as father’s 
help is concerned, there’s an3d:hing else than that 
for you to look forward to after you have your col- 
lege education. He won’t be able to do much for 
you financially, I mean, until the others have had 
their chance. And remember, dear, father is mak- 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


43 


ing great sacrifices to put you and Dick through, so 
try to appreciate your chances and make the most 
of them.” 

Kathleen was braiding her hair. She looked 
up from the task. 

“I hope, mother, you impressed that fact upon 
Dick,” she said severely, ‘'he’s a regular little spend- 
thrift. Fancy, he only had ten cents in his pocket 
coming home on the train, and you probably sent 
him money when you sent mine?” 

“Yes; but, Kathy, his pocket-money isn’t a quar- 
ter part of what we give you, dear. And I wouldn’t 
have Dick stingy for all the world. He has only a 
little and I can’t help liking him to be free with it 
in his boyish way.” 

Again she sighed. 

“Dick has been such a dear little gallant to Susy 
all through his holidays,” she remarked with seem- 
ing irrelevancy. “No, dear, I didn’t mean money 
when I spoke. I meant for you to make the most 
of your chances by studying — by plain attending to 
the business of school or college, which is, when all 
is said, to learn. And Dick’s doing that. I didn’t 
need to warn him.” 

“But you did need to warn me?” 

“I certainly did,” said Mrs. Rawdon smilingly. 

“Well, Dick’ll certainly be a man before his 
sister,” said the girl with an answering smile. She 


44 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


kissed her mother with real warmth, but Mrs. Raw- 
don carried a heavy heart from the room. 

Kathleen returned to college next day, half re- 
gretfully, yet on the whole full of eagerness. 


CHAPTER V 


K athleen RAWDON had a very pleasing 
contralto voice. She sang as she spoke — 
and, indeed, as she walked and moved — with a 
careless, indolent ease which revealed, instead of 
weakness, almost superabundant vitality. She 
didn’t read music with sufficient facility and wasn’t 
sufficiently able to subordinate her part to others 
or to sing in imison to make the glee-club; but she 
was always in demand. All through the year she 
had sung very happily at all manner of informal 
events, besides entertaining little groups in various 
girls’ rooms with comic songs and clever imitations. 

Soon after she went back after Christmas, she 
was asked to sing at the annual glee-club concert, 
which was to occur this year on the 3d of March. 
She was to be the only soloist, and was chosen above 
numerous far superior voices because of her per- 
sonality and charm. Pleased and flattered, she 
accepted the songs they selected and agreed to be 
prepared with Kathleen Mavourneen as an encore, 
and began practice in good season with Ellen Little 
as accompanist. 

She wrote home directly to ask for a new gown for 

45 


46 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


the occasion. Both hers looked like rags, she de- 
clared, and anyhow, every one had new ones for 
this, even those who had no part in the concert, 
for it was one of the chief social events of the 
year with a reception and dancing afterward. The 
girls invited their friends, she added, and she only 
wished mother and dad were near enough to take 
it in. 

Her mother wrote by return mail refusing the 
request outright. Moreover, in refusing, she wasn’t 
at all apologetic, as she often was, and didn’t take 
any trouble to explain. Indeed, she seemed rather 
to reproach Kathleen for presiunption in even think- 
ing of such an enormity. The girl had barely read 
it, when she sat down and answered it at once in 
her wrath, complaining of the tone of it, which 
made her feel like a naughty child or a criminal, 
and demanding to know why she should have been 
allowed to come to college at all if she had to go 
so shabby, and live in such a meagre, stingy way 
that she lost half the advantage of it. 

In this vein she wrote at what for her was great 
length. She sealed, directed, and stamped the 
letter, but did not carry it down for the early after- 
noon post — partly because she hardly dared to send 
it, partly because she began to feel a little disturbed, 
perhaps ashamed. With her respect for her step- 
mother was mingled a certain amount of wholesome 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


47 


fear. She had never before addressed her with any 
such freedom, and she wasn’t sure what might or 
might not happen. On the other hand, she knew 
that she wasn’t shabby, and that she hadn’t any 
cause for complaint as to being able to get the most 
out of college. And considering she wasn’t her own 
daughter, her stepmother had been fairly liberal 
until this moment. 

She got out the fresher of her two evening gowns, 
a fine white India silk, simply made, and fotmd 
that it looked much better than she had feared. 
It was reaUy as good as new, though too plain for 
the stage. As she held it before herself at the mirror, 
a happy thought came to the girl. She cut her 
next recitation and devoted that time and her study 
hour to a visit to the town. 

She purchased a wreath of artificial flowers to 
go next to the chiffon about the round low neck of 
the frock, fine green with delicate blossoms like for- 
get-me-nots in blue, pink, yellow, and lilac. Each 
of those four shades she matched in chiffon for a 
soft rainbow girdle with long ends. 

Six dollars seemed a great deal to spend, but she 
could use the flowers almost forever, and the chiffon 
for a long time. And she wotdd do the necessary 
sewing herself. But ten minutes after she had 
seated herself with work-basket and materials, she 
sprang impatiently from her chair, and carried the 


48 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


work to a junior who paid her expenses by doing 
odd bits of sewing for the girls. The latter under- 
took to do it for two dollars, and Kathleen left it 
with her. Feeling rather uneasy, on the way back 
to her room she suddenly decided that she would 
drop out of chemistry, which she had only taken 
because it was supposed to be a snap, and thus save 
the five dollars that had to be deposited to cover 
the cost of possible breakage, and nearly two dol- 
lars for the text-book — ^for both of which she had 
fortunately delayed paying. And, of course, she 
wouldn’t send that hateful letter. She would burn 
it in the grate, stamp and all ! 

She went directly to the mantel, where she 
thought she had left it, and was surprised not to 
see it. It must have blown to the floor, she said to 
herself, and searched every comer before she looked 
elsewhere. After she had gone about the room 
twice to make sure she had not overlooked it, she 
went carefully through her desk, but still it baffled 
her. She was going through the desk a second time 
when Marjorie Pierce came in. 

“Well, the third time caught you, mavoumeen,” 
said Marjorie as she dropped down on the roomy 
couch. ‘ ‘ What’s up ? Honestly, you look almost as 
if you’d been studying, not to say cramming.” 

“Heaven forefend!” rejoined Kathleen, smiling. 
“I just had a letter ready to post and can’t find it.” 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


49 


“Good reason why, child. I stopped in about 
two hours ago on my way down-stairs with two of 
my own and, seeing one on the mantel, took it 
along. ’Twas sealed and stamped all right.” 

Kathleen closed the desk. “Thanks, Marjie,” 
she said quietly, and then gave her full attention to 
a discussion of a spread Marjorie and her roommate 
were to give after a skating-party the next evening. 

But after Marjorie had gone she threw herself 
on the couch and birried her face in the cushions. 
That letter was on the way! It seemed as if she 
couldn’t have it so. Whatever would her mother 
think of her! She was so ready to blame her for 
small cause or none, that having what Kathleen 
herself acknowledged as just cause, the girl didn’t 
know to what lengths she might not go. She quailed 
under the very thought of her indignation. 

Presently she wondered if she mightn’t write 
immediately and say that she had written in anger 
and afterward repented, and that it had only been 
posted by mistake. But she couldn’t bring herself 
to do that. She said to herself that she could if she 
hadn’t spent that six dollars (soon to be eight) on 
the white dress, which she realized now didn’t really 
need any adornment. That and the fact that she 
was going to drop chemistry without mentioning it 
somehow made it impossible to own up. 

Nevertheless, the girl suffered keenly for two 


50 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


days, and when her mother’s next letter came she 
dreaded to open it. She needn’t have feared, how- 
ever; it was sweet and kind and natural as usual, 
ignoring her angry outcry altogether, as also did 
all her subsequent ones. But a week before the 
night of the concert Kathleen received a box from 
home containing a beautiful gown of pale lilac cr^pe 
de chine which fitted perfectly, was extremely be- 
coming, and more than satisfied the girl’s fastidious 
taste. She recognized the material as that of the 
best of mother’s wedding-gowns which had been 
laid away in a trunk for years. She had given it 
up to Kathleen and made it over herself. 

Kathleen wrote a letter all love and gratitude, 
and confessed that she had shed tears over the 
gift. She endeavored to refer to the former letter 
and say how sorry she was about it, but try as she 
would she couldn’t frame the sentences. Finally 
she decided that being so far in the past it was as 
well not to try to rake it up by writing. The next 
time she went home and got mother all to herself 
she would make it right. Talking was so much 
simpler. 

But her next home-coming was quite unlike any- 
thing she had expected. On the afternoon of the day 
of the concert Kathleen lay on her couch resting for 
the evening after a strenuous hour in the gymnasium. 
Three of the girls sat around her talking gayly, but 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


51 


refusing to allow her to open her mouth. She had 
been ordered to relax utterly. 

With lazy enjoyment she watched Ellen Little 
cross the room to answer a knock at the door. But 
catching sight of a telegraph messenger she rose 
quickly, went to the door, and signed for it. Break- 
ing the envelope with white face she read: 

Father very ill come at once. 

M. Rawdon. 

She sank down on the couch, covering her face 
with her hands. Ellen and Marjorie on either side 
of her encircled her with their arms and essayed to 
comfort her. Ellen, who had been her confidante, 
reminded her that her mother was inclined to be 
overanxious about her father, and made Kathleen 
acknowledge that very likely such was the case now. 
But practical Gladys Cary inquired what time the 
next train that she could take left. 

The last train which would get her to the junction 
twenty miles below in time to get the train for 
Hermit Hill left the little station at the village 
at five o’clock. It was now quarter before four. 
Kathleen rose and began to fumble with her clothes. 
At the very moment her eyes fell upon the lilac 
gown spread out on the bed ready for her to wear 
to-night, Ellen cried out : 


52 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


“Oh, Kathleen! The concert!” 

“Oh, dear!” cried Kathleen. “Ellen, you and 
Marjorie will explain, won’t you, the minute after 
I’ve gone?” And she rushed to the clothes-press 
to get out her portmanteau. 

“It will just spoil the whole thing!” Ellen de- 
clared blankly. “You have no idea, Kathleen, 
how the girls bank on your part. They were going 
to call for all sorts of things besides Kathleen Mavour- 
neeUy too. To tell the truth, the whole thing was 
likely to turn out a — well, sort of an ovation to you, 
dear. And so many strangers coming, too.” 

“I wonder if they can’t find somebody!” cried 
Kathleen anxiously. “Dear me, I could have done 
it if they hadn’t asked me imtil six o’clock to-night.” 

“Nobody else could,” declared Gladys. “What 
time does that train get you home ?” 

“About seven.” 

“And how early could you get home in the 
morning ?” 

“There’s a train from the junction at eight. It 
gets into Hermit Hill about ten.” 

“Oh, Kathleen, darling, couldn’t you wait for 
that?” asked Ellen eagerly. “If you only could! 
The girls would be so grateful. And there isn’t 
much difference.” 

“But if dad’s very ill ” 

“I don’t believe he is, dear — not dangerously,” 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


53 


Ellen assured her. ‘‘And anyhow they wouldn’t 
let you see him to-night, you know. And in the 
morning you’d be there almost as soon as if you’d 
slept there.” 

“If you hadn’t happened to be in your room you 
wouldn’t have had the telegram in time to go,” 
said Gladys. “Yesterday, you know, we were all 
out until six-thirty.” 

“You’re not fit to start off alone, dear,” Ellen de- 
clared firmly, leading Kathleen back to the couch. 
“Your hands are trembling and you look as if you 
would faint. You’ll simply have to wait until 
morning. Lie right down here till it’s time to dress 
for the concert. I’ll stay with you and Marjie’ll 
bring up your dinner. And I’ll sleep with you to- 
night and go way over to the junction with you in 
the morning and start you off. I’m quite sure your 
mother would think that was the only thing to be 
done.” 

“Whatever I do will be just the wrong thing to 
her mind,” said Kathleen sadly. 

She did not yield at once, but after a little more 
urging she gave over and passively accepted Ellen’s 
arrangement. The girls praised her for her self- 
sacrifice and loyalty to the college, even while they 
declared it was only the part of common sense. 
Still she was ill at ease. In dressing she forgot her 
trouble for a moment as she gazed at herself in the 


54 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


mirror, but she went to the concert with a heavy 
heart. 

The effort she had to make to sing at all seemed 
somehow to heighten the effect, just as the soft shade 
of the pretty gown and the flush in her cheeks deep- 
ened her beauty. And after the first, no effort was 
necessary. In the enthusiastic welcome and the 
almost overwhelming applause she received, Kath- 
leen forgot all else and threw herself into the excite- 
ment with her whole heart. She sang encore after 
encore and still they demanded more. And finally 
the rapture of excitement was like the height of 
happiness. 

In this mood she would have remained for the 
dancing, but Ellen Little insisted upon her leaving 
the moment the concert was over. When Kathleen 
reached her room she realized the propriety of such 
action, and before she was out of the party dress a 
strong revulsion of feeling took possession of her. 
She packed her things and laid out her clothes for 
the morning, then cried herself to sleep. 


CHAPTER VI 


K athleen RAWDON did not reach home in 
time to see her father alive, but neither did 
Dick, who had arrived at seven the night before. 
For Mr. Rawdon died less than two hours after his 
wife had sent the two telegrams. But it hurt the 
girl terribly to think that while she had been singing 
at the concert, arousing roimds of applause and roars 
of laughter, her father was lying dead. Then, too, 
her mother had been keenly disappointed and 
vaguely alarmed when she had not appeared at the 
expected time with her brother. 

By the time she had joined the bereaved little 
circle, Susy had taken the eldest daughter's place 
with her mother. Despite her grief, Kathleen 
couldn't help feeling that she wasn't needed, was 
! rather left out. And somehow her father had 
I seemed to belong to her rather than to any of the 
1 other children, perhaps because he had been her all, 

I while the others had an own mother. Half un- 
j consciously she had expected every one to unite in 
trying to comfort her. Instead of that every one 
seemed to bestow all his pity and sympathy on her 
mother. 


55 


56 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


She and Dick returned to their schools at the end 
of the week. At the last moment it seemed sud- 
denly to Kathleen as if she had not seen her mother 
at all. She clung to her almost convulsively, and 
cried out that she could not go back. But Mrs. 
Rawdon soothed and comforted her and sent her 
on with such a renewal of strength and courage that 
the girl felt a sudden desire to become a very dif- 
ferent and more worthy person before her mother 
should see her again. 

There were four weeks before the Easter holidays. 

On her return, Kathleen seemed first really to 
realize her loss. For a little she was very quiet, 
stunned, and dazed. But the girls flocked about her, 
petting and pitying her and she brightened quickly. 
Indeed, she was almost ashamed to appear to regain 
so much of her high spirits so shortly. But she said 
to herself, perhaps it was better so. When she 
went home at Easter it would all burst upon her 
freshly. 

At the end of the third week she was amazed to 
receive word from her mother that she was coming 
on, arriving the next day, asking her to secure a room 
for her at the inn in the village. The girl couldn’t 
imagine what could be her purpose in doing such an 
unprecedented thing, unless it might be that she 
thought her stepdaughter so affected and exhausted 
by the strain she had undergone that she would 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


57 


need help in packing and getting home for the holi- 
days. Her bright color and look of health made her 
feel almost guilty. 

But as soon as her mother appeared, Kathleen 
knew that that wasn’t her purpose. She didn’t 
explain what it was, however, and somehow Kath- 
leen didn’t dare ask, though she secretly resented the 
look of determination in her sad eyes. Mrs. Raw- 
don remained over one night, spending very little of 
the two days with Kathleen, and having no intimate 
conversation at all. In Kathleen’s room there ’was, 
indeed, little chance for any such thing, for some one 
was always dropping in. And yet on the second 
day when Mrs. Rawdon asked her to spend the two 
hours before her departure with her at her room in 
the inn, Kathleen complied rather sulkily. She 
knew she should now learn her mother’s reason in 
coming, and she dreaded what she might say. It 
; was terrible to think that now her authority was 
absolutely supreme. There was no dad to appeal 
to, no one to stand up for her. 

Her mother’s first words confirmed her appre- 
i; hension. 

“Kathy, dear,” Mrs. Rawdon began, “you must 
I brace up, for what I have to say won’t be pleasant 
:i to hear nor easy to accept. But it’s the only way 
i out, so let’s just see how brave father’s eldest daugh- 
I ter can be.” 

i 


58 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


' On a sudden her voice faltered. Kathleen stared 
rather coldly at her. Her mother’s strong, sweet 
face was thin and white, and very sad, and new lines 
made it look five years older than it had at Christ- 
mas. She was dressed in a dark-blue suit, which, 
though it was inconspicuous because of the good 
material and plain style, wasn’t at all what they 
were wearing this year, and was not at all suitable 
for a widow. The girl knew how her father had 
disliked black so that her mother had never worn it ; 
knew that now respect for his memory as well as 
the necessity of economy had prevented her adopt- 
ing widow’s weeds. None the less she had been 
mortified that she should have appeared about the 
campus thus. Dorothy Brewer’s father had been 
dead four years and her mother still wore voluminous 
black — and always of the latest fashion. 

Mrs. Rawdon closed her travelling-bag, laid out 
her coat and hat on the bed, and gloves and veil on 
the dressing-table, then seated herself on the sofa 
next Kathleen. 

“Things are still pretty much in confusion at dear 
father’s office, Kathy. We’re working at the tangle, 
but it’s impossible at the moment and will be for 
some time to come to determine how much we may 
depend upon for an income, though it is certain that 
whatever it may be, it will be small, even with the 
addition of the insurance and what little I have of 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


59 


my own. I shall pay the creditors and try to con- 
tinue the business myself imtil there’s a better op- 
portimity to sell out than there is at present, but 
we shall have to get on at home with very little. 
Further than that, I am very sorry to say, dear, that 
you will have to give up college. You won’t be able 
to return after the Easter hoHdays.” 

'‘Oh, mother, but I must. I must finish this year 
at least !” cried the girl defiantly. 

“No, dear, you cannot even do that,’’ said Mrs. 
Rawdon firmly. 

“But father would want me to,’’ she cried in- 
credulously, “he had set his heart upon it.’’ 

‘ ‘ It isn’t possible, Kathleen ; that’s all there is to it. ’’ 

“Didn’t father leave me any money of my own ?’’ 
demanded the girl rather insolently. 

Mrs. Rawdon grew still more white. 

“Everything was left in trust to me, Kathleen,’’ 
she said quietly. “Do you want me to stay over a 
day and help you pack your things ?’’ 

“No, I thank you,’’ Kathleen returned ungra- 
ciously; “but you can’t really mean it, mother? 
Surely you can manage for just this last term ?’’ 

“No, Kathleen, you will have to leave next week; 
there’s no other way.’’ 

Mrs. Rawdon gazed absently at the “M” for 
mother or Mary which Susy had worked in the 
comer of her handkerchief. 


60 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Kathleen flushed angrily. 

“ Have you told Dick?” she demanded. 

‘'That oiu* income would be small? I think 
Dick understands. Poor boy, he seems like a little 
man. Dad’s death affected him as such a thing 
rarely affects a young person.” 

“I mean, have you told him that he’s to leave 
school ?” 

“No, Kathy — ” In spite of her self -justification 
Mrs. Rawdon hesitated under the scrutiny of Kath- 
leen’s flashing eyes. “Dick isn’t to leave school.” 

“Why, mother Rawdon!” cried the girl hotly, 
“you don’t mean that you’re going to take me out 
of college and keep Dick at boarding-school just 
because you’re his own mother and I’m only your 
stepdaughter ! The money is my father’s !” 

Mrs. Rawdon had to wait a little before she could 
speak. But presently she controlled her feelings 
and spoke in a calm voice. 

“Dick is father’s son just as truly as you are his 
daughter, Kathleen,” she said firmly. “Further- 
more, he has done exceedingly well at school. I 
have just been there. The principal told me Dick 
had a really remarkable record and was one of the 
finest and most promising lads they had ever had. 
The expense for him isn’t a quarter part of what 
yours is; and, besides, being very extravagant and 
wasteful, you have practically thrown away every 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


61 


penny that has been paid into the institution for 
you. I leam that unless you made simply phe- 
nomenal improvement in another term, you couldn’t 
pass off this year at all, but would have to repeat 
so many courses that it would result practically in 
repeating your freshman year. I wouldn’t have 
spoken of this, except that you thought I was act- 
ing unfairly by you because I am your stepmother. 
Oh, Kathy, how could you? How could you hurt 
me so ?” 

But Kathleen was deaf to all appeal. 

‘‘Did you come all the way,” she demanded, 
“to sp — to find out my marks ?” 

“I assumed the trouble and expense of the jour- 
ney when I could so ill afford time or money for it, 
to satisfy myself as to whether it would be right to 
sacrifice the welfare of the family to keep you here. 
I felt assured that it would not, but I wanted it to 
be plain beyond peradventure. Believe me, if I 
had foimd the slightest evidence in your favor, I 
should have been inclined to give it undue weight. 
But even in these last weeks since you came from 
home after father’s death, you haven’t done one 
thing in the way of studying, though you admit 
that you have been coaxed back into the social life.” 

“When I said that, I didn’t know you were around 
gathering evidence against me,” said the girl sullenly 
as she rose. 


62 KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 

“But, Kathleen, you’re not going?” cried her 
mother. 

“If I’ve got all that packing to do, I must get 
started,” said the girl stonily. “Good-by,” and she 
held out her hand. 

Mrs. Rawdon took and held it. 

“Kathleen, dear, we have never parted in this 
way before. Surely we won’t do so now, when 
father has just left us.” 

She, drew the girl to her and kissed her. Kath- 
leen left the room without a backward look. 

Mrs. Rawdon sat for the remaining hour, her 
head resting on her hand, suffering keenly. She 
would not allow the tears to come. • She had wept 
too much already; she must keep her eyes and her 
head for work. If it made it only the harder for 
her heart, what then? And after all, there were 
Dick, good, staunch old Dick, and Susy, her little 
saint and comforter. Even in her great loss she 
was still rich to have these children to work for. 


CHAPTER VII 


E arly in June, Ellen Little wrote to invite 
Kathleen to spend the month of July with her 
at the family summer home on the coast of Maine. 
Mrs. Rawdon consented to her going, though she 
limited the stay to three weeks, helped to get her 
things ready, and listened to and sympathized with 
her eager anticipations. On the evening before she 
was to start, when her mother gave her the money 
for the journey and a very generous sum for pocket- 
money, Kathleen was filled with sudden compunc- 
tion. She almost wished she weren’t going away. 
She felt she would like to give up the visit and 
stay at home. And yet — she wasn’t sure mother 
would welcome her change of mind. She didn’t 
acknowledge that it might be a relief for mother to 
be rid of her for a little space, but she rather won- 
dered whether she should be missed by any one in 
the household. 

Looking back, she felt that she hadn’t been alto- 
gether a satisfactory member of it in its changed 
condition. For weeks since her return, she had 
grieved over being forced to leave college — sulked, 
her mother might say. She wasn’t sure when she 
had ceased; perhaps even yet she hadn’t forgiven 
63 


64 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


her mother for the indignity, though she didn’t 
dwell upon it now. But her days up to the receipt 
of the cheering invitation had been idle, restless, and 
unhappy, and quite likely she hadn’t been so pleasant 
a presence as to make her absence cause any real 
void. 

In truth the girl had been, in her resentment and 
restlessness, far worse than she had known. But 
she had missed her father and grieved for him, and 
she had unconsciously missed her mother sadly, 
and been depressed by the long hours of her absence 
from the house and by the coolness between them, 
which was, however, wholly on her side. Even 
during her father’s lifetime, it was really her step- 
mother whose presence made home for Kathleen, 
as well as for the others. Now Mrs. Rawdon spent 
the greater part of the day at her husband’s office, 
endeavoring to settle the estate, clear up a large 
amount of entanglement, and keep the business 
running at the same time. The children were at 
school and the hours were almost like days to 
Kathleen. She took long walks and wrote pages to 
her friends at college, but otherwise she had moped 
most of the time. She didn’t accept her mother’s 
suggestion about helping Ellen with the housework, 
and though she had spells of amusing the twins, they 
were rare and sporadic. And Mrs. Rawdon felt it 
indeed fortunate that Kathleen should have this 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


65 


chance for a change of scene and company. She 
had felt the situation almost unendurable, but 
hadn’t felt she had the strength nor the heart for 
the struggle that an appeal to Kathleen would have 
involved. 

However, the girl brightened with the invitation 
and was very happy in making her preparations. 
Her farewells were warm and loving. She prom- 
ised to come back full of new life to give herself up 
to making it so jolly for every one else that they 
should all feel as if they had had a vacation, too. 
She clung to her mother and assured her that when 
she returned she meant to take a lot of care from 
her shoulders. 

Her frequent, long, entertaining letters were 
read with great enjoyment. Over and again she 
declared that she missed them all so much that she 
almost longed for the day when she was to come 
home, even though she was having the time of her 
life. However, she stayed the fourth week against 
her mother’s desire. She wrote they all urged her 
to remain, Mr. and Mrs. Little as well as the young 
folk, and she really could hardly get out of it. She 
was teaching Ellen’s younger sister to swim and 
needed just that extra week, and did mother really 
mind ? Mrs. Rawdon replied that she still felt the 
same, but that Kathleen could do as she liked. 
And Kathleen, of course, liked her own way. 


66 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


She delayed three days longer for the sake of com- 
pany on the journey, which was, indeed, a long one 
because of changes and long waits. But when she 
reached home on a hot afternoon of the first week in 
August, the girl seemed more like her old self than 
she had done since she had entered college, and Mrs. 
Rawdon stifled a sigh as she seemed to realize that 
the one way to live in peace and comfort with Kath- 
leen was always to give her her own way. 

Supper was a very happy meal — the happiest 
since Mr. Rawdon ’s death. The twins had a good 
deal to say to their sister, and Dick reported on his 
garden; but the greater part of the attention fell to 
Kathleen, and every one hung on her words with 
loving and flattering interest. 

Later in the evening when mother and daughter 
sat together alone, Kathleen annotmced that she 
had decided that she would like to study medicine. 
The idea had come to her while she was away after 
meeting Doctor Marian Little, Ellen’s aimt, and 
they had all thought it exactly the thing for her. 

*'The thought of it simply enchants me!” cried 
the girl with glowing cheeks. would be willing to 
drudge — to just slave, if necessary, you know.” 

She hesitated. ‘‘Mother,” she faltered, “you 
do think I would work hard over anything I truly 
took an interest in, don’t you?” 

“Yes, Kathy,” Mrs. Rawdon returned rather less 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


67 


promptly than Kathleen liked. '‘And I hope you 
would keep up, once you were started, and go 
through to the end with the same spirit. But truly, 
dear, I don’t see any chance of your undertaking 
any such thing. The education is very expensive. 
It would take every penny of my own money to 
put you through, and when you had your degree you 
would still be far from the possibility of making your 
living. I’m sorry, dear, but don’t set your heart on 
anything so impracticable.” 

“If I were only a boy !” sighed Kathleen. 

A few days later Mrs. Rawdon had what seemed to 
her a happy thought. That evening she asked 
Kathleen how she should like to become a trained 
nurse. That was in the line of medicine; and if 
she should still wish to be a doctor, both the theoreti- 
cal and practical parts of nursing would be of dis- 
tinct assistance at any time she might have the op- 
portunity for further study. 

Secretly, Kathleen took warmly to the idea. But 
she wouldn’t confess it, partly because it seemed a 
drop from the idea of being a physician, partly be- 
cause she felt aggrieved that her mother should have 
dismissed the subject of medicine so abruptly and 
conclusively. She hadn’t once alluded to the mat- 
ter since the night Kathleen had proposed it. After 
the extreme enthusiasm in regard to it at the 


68 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Littles’, it seemed to the girl like a snubbing to 
have it dismissed as casually as if it had been a 
child’s whim. 

Nevertheless, they spent the remainder of the 
evening in discussing Mrs. Rawdon’s proposal. 
Kathleen wouldn’t express any interest, but she 
finally agreed to go through the course if her mother 
could afford the expense. Mrs. Rawdon wrote to 
an old friend in New York City who was at the head 
of a hospital there and secured all the necessary in- 
formation. The expense was slight, covering only 
the cost of clothing, aprons, uniforms and the like, 
and books and apparatus. Miss Wainwright rec- 
ommended the three-years’ course at the hospital 
where she had herself been trained, and offered to 
get Kathleen in for the next term with the class 
entering in October. 

Dick had won a scholarship and returned to school 
in September. Mrs. Rawdon took a week’s vacation 
and spent most of the time getting Kathleen’s imi- 
forms made and planning for her clothes for a year. 
And on the last of the month the girl set out for 
another venture, almost exactly a year after the day 
she had started for college. 


CHAPTER VIII 


T he hospital was situated in the middle of a 
large, wooded estate in the environs of a 
busy, thriving city. At some little distance from 
the main group of buildings, on an elevation covered 
with old oaks interspersed with pines, stood a long, 
low, comfortable building used as the murses’ home. 
Across a court at the rear of this, a smaller building 
was given up to the probationers, with dormitories, 
classrooms, laboratories, dining-room, kitchen, and 
small assembly-room. Kathleen was assigned to a 
room here with a Miss Pringle from Oregon. 

Kathleen, who arrived nearly two hours earlier 
than the latter on the opening day, said to herself 
when she was left alone that if she had known she 
would have to have a roommate, and only one room, 
she didn’t believe she would have come at all. She 
wondered gloomily what Miss Pringle would be like. 
She hoped she would be small and retiring and 
dowdy, for the room was small and there was hardly 
space in the clothes-press for Kathleen’s clothes. 

She had taken them out and hung them so as to 
leave considerably less than half the space for the 
newcomer. There were two dressers with drawers 

69 


70 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


and two writing-tables. Kathleen made her choice 
of each and put her hat and gloves on the bed nearer 
the windows. She had just settled her things when 
Miss Hart, the assistant in charge of probationers, 
brought Miss Pringle in and introduced her. 

Ruth Pringle was not small nor retiring nor 
dowdy. She was as tall as Kathleen, with a pretty 
rounded figure and a sweet, animated face. Her 
eyes were blue with dark lashes and brows, and her 
hair, rolled softly back and coiled on top of her head, 
light brown and wavy. Her skin was rather dark 
for her blue eyes and fair hair, but it was smooth and 
firm with color in her cheeks. She was dressed well, 
though rather too elaborately, wearing more jewelry 
than the girls at college had considered “nice.” 
She was not shy nor yet forward, but spoke with the 
breezy freedom and the flat prommciation of the 
West. 

“Oh, Miss Rawhide,” she exclaimed the moment 
they were alone, “have you been over the hospital ?” 

“Rawdon,” corrected Kathleen almost fiercely. 

The other accepted the correction casually and 
repeated her question. 

“Oh, no. Miss Pringle, I haven’t been here more 
than two hours,” replied Kathleen coldly. 

“Two hours! My goodness! But didn’t you 
want to go straight over there the first thing and see 
what it’s like ? Isn’t it a perfectly gorgeous building 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


71 


with all those vines ? And such trees ! I saw hun- 
dreds, I should say, as I came through the grounds. 
It’s like a park that you read of in English stories, 
isn’t it ?” 

“M-m, I suppose so, but I am afraid I didn’t give 
much heed,” said Kathleen with a superior air. 
“You see I was at college last year and the campus 
was magnificent. And the buildings there were 
completely hidden in ivy. To me this seems more 
like a jail or an insane asylum.” 

She laughed. Miss Pringle gazed at her wonder- 
ingly, and a shadow appeared on her bright face. 
She rose and unstrapped her trunk, which had been 
brought in. Kathleen sighed silently to see how 
big it was. 

“Some trunk!” she remarked coolly. 

“Yes, but I had to come prepared for three years, 
you see. Miss Rawdon,” Miss Pringle explained, 
searching for her trunk-key from out the tangle of 
coins, trinkets, and various miscellany that stuffed 
her silver meshed bag to the extremity. “It’s so 
far from h — Oregon here, that if I’m accepted I shall 
have to stay right through — to the end.” 

Her voice faltered and her blue eyes filled with 
tears. But she laughed through them. 

“There!” she exclaimed, her Western “r” mak- 
ing the word very emphatic. “I must go straight 
to unpacking. Is this the closet?” And she 


72 


KATHLEEN^S PROBATION 


opened the door. “Oh, excuse me, that’s yours, 
isn’t it ? Where’s mine ? ” 

“I suppose that is meant for both of us,” said 
Kathleen, saying to herself that of course if the 
stranger insisted, she should have to clear three or 
foiur more hooks for her, though goodness knew 
what she should do with her things ! 

“Isn’t that the limit!” cried the Westerner. 
“Well, things will be six deep all right, but here 
goes I” And she hung her jacket on the door over 
Kathleen’s. 

If she noticed the fact that only a third of the space 
had been left to her, the girl from Oregon did not 
make it apparent in word or action. Perhaps she 
thought that in the East, where, she had already 
noted, the moral and social atmosphere was so dif- 
ferent from that of the hospitable West, “First 
come, first served,” is the rule. In any event she 
emptied her trunk quietly and neatly disposed of 
her things in the cramped space, putting the surplus 
back into the trunk for the present. Now and then 
she glanced admiringly at the handsome, haughty, 
nonchalant girl sprawling in the chair by the win- 
dow, but she made no further effort to engage her in 
conversation. 

Having accomplished her task and washed, she 
donned the uniform of the probationers, a blue- 
and-white-striped cotton dress with large white bib- 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


73 


apron. The color and simplicity of the costume 
became her far more than her elaborate suit and 
blouse. From seeming merely a fairly attractive 
girl, Miss Pringle suddenly became exceedingly 
pretty. Secure in her own unquestioned and rare 
type of beauty, Kathleen silently acknowledged the 
fact. 

'T’m going to get some one to show me over the 
hospital and the groimds now,” Miss Pringle an- 
nounced, surveying herself judicially in the glass. 
As she did so, she noticed for the first time a list of 
printed instructions in a corner of the mirror. She 
ran them through rapidly until she came to the 
last but one. Then she laughed out — a pleasant, 
ringing laugh which Kathleen thought too loud. 

''Oh, Miss Rawdon, will you listen to this!” she 
cried, and read: " 'The clothes-press for the proba- 
tioner occupying bed B’ — that’s me — 'is directly 
across the corridor and can be opened by the key to 
the drawers of dresser B.’ Isn’t that the greatest! 
Oh, dear, why didn’t I see that before I began !” 

She investigated and found that it was larger 
than the one in the room. She didn’t announce it 
triumphantly, but Kathleen knew she must be ex- 
ultant within. She transferred her things quickly 
without a word. When she had finished and offered 
Kathleen half of a broad shelf which the latter’s 
clothes-press lacked, the girl had the grace to feel 


74 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


a bit ashamed. If only she had left half the hooks ! 
But she accepted the space for her hat-box and furs. 

Again Miss Pringle announced her purpose to go 
over the place. She asked if Miss Rawdon would 
not come too. Kathleen excused herself. 

As the door closed behind the other girl, she rose 
to don her own uniform. 

“If she were at college wouldn’t she be con- 
sidered fresh,” she said to herself apropos the tour 
of inspection. “But no doubt every one here will 
be of that sort. Dear me ! I never shall be able 
to stick it through unless I can have a room to my- 
self. But there’s no use saying anything to mother. 
Only dad would understand !” 

Her frock fitted perfectly and even had a certain 
style, though mother had made it herself. Kath- 
leen had begged to have the uniforms made by a 
dressmaker, and had been rather sulky when her 
mother had refused. Now as she fastened the blouse, 
she suddenly realized how many buttonholes there 
were. The loose blouse buttoned to the belt, the 
sleeves from elbow to wrist, and the skirt half-way 
to the hem. And mother had made them at night — 
on four dresses. And twelve aprons had six smaller 
ones each. 

However, they would last for a long time, for only 
the collars and cuffs, and the bibs of the aprons of 
the probationers differed from the costume of those 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


75 


accepted for training, except for the addition of a 
cap for the latter. And Kathleen dismissed the 
matter in her absorption at the mirror. 

She couldn’t help seeing that where Miss Pringle 
was pretty she herself was handsome. But though 
fully conscious of the fact, she didn’t follow it into 
detail. Her abundant, very dark auburn hair, 
parted and waving slightly from a lovely brow, her 
white skin and clear color, her hazel eyes with long 
dark lashes, her full, very red lips and straight 
features made Kathleen a picture of the portrait 
type beside which Miss Pringle was like a pretty 
illustration from a periodical. 

Sauntering out presently, Kathleen came upon a 
little group of girls gathered in the living-room be- 
low — the bolder spirits among the twenty-four en- 
tering that day. The girl gravitated naturally 
toward them. Within fifteen minutes she was the 
centre of the little circle, over which before it broke 
up, she had established her leadership. And that 
meant the social leadership of the class. 


CHAPTER IX 


W ITHIN a short time, Kathleen Rawdon was 
more content, was indeed happier than she 
had been at college. When the new girls organized 
as a class she was formally chosen president. That 
did not mean much to her in itself, but she threw 
herself heart and soul into the leadership of that little 
group of girls who had come together the first day. 
Thereafter the six kept together and represented the 
gay and social portion of the probationers. They 
were all bright girls, of high spirits, and there was a 
certain originality about them that made it more 
exciting to be their leader than it had been in the 
case of the more conventional college girls. All 
but one of them were exceptionally good-looking. 
All dressed well when off duty, and even wore their 
uniforms with a certain distinguishing style. They 
had more spending-money than the others — at least 
they were more ready to squander it — and they didn’t 
partake of the general dread of the others, which they 
called bourgeois, of not being able to “pass off” the 
period of probation. Singly and as a group they 
felt assured that their presence in the school would 
be an asset to the institution, and that there was 
76 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


77 


no doubt but that they would be requested to re- 
main and pursue the course. 

Kathleen liked these girls immensely; she ac- 
knowledged to herself that they were almost as 
agreeable as her college friends. And though there 
wasn’t a great deal to do in a social way, they had 
very good fun together. Indeed, that very lack 
made invention and ingenuity the more to be 
sought and welcomed, and the girl took upon her- 
self in the spirit of adventime the responsibility for 
not allowing things to become dull. 

But there was another cause of her content. 
While at college the athletic and social life had been 
everything to her, and the other side completely 
ignored; here, work itself weighed largely in the 
scale of happiness. From the beginning, she found 
interest in every detail connected with the study of 
nursing. She made no effort, but the work reached 
out as it were and took her captive. She liked all 
the practical part, and in spite of past laziness, did 
not even shrink from the drudgery that falls to the 
lot of the probationer. And the class and laboratory 
work, largely practical and closely allied with the 
hospital practice, attracted the girl and held her as 
nothing else had done. 

None the less she ignored study hours. She was so 
quick as to absorb enough in class to get creditably 
through any recitation she might be called upon to 


78 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


make — which was by no means a daily occurrence 
in a class of twenty-four. And her interested atti- 
tude, her handsome face, and strong, slender, up- 
right figure, her pretty deference, made her a favor- 
ite with the instructors so that she passed for one of 
the most promising of the probationers. Indeed, in 
this respect, she not only misled the teachers and 
the other girls, but rather deceived herself. She 
concluded vaguely that she could go on thus and 
absorb sufficient information to fulfil the require- 
ments without outside study, except possibly a little 
cramming for examinations. The chief end of the 
study was attained, for she knew she got along 
amazingly in the hospital. 

Her roommate studied constantly. Kathleen 
was scarcely in her room except to sleep, and saw 
little of Miss Pringle. She reported her to others 
as a grind, and declared that one would know from 
her prim, precise, and very full note-book that she 
had been a schoolma’am. She was awfully narrow, 
too. Her foolish dread of not being accepted at the 
end of the probationary period was wholly because 
she had come from Oregon. Apparently if she had 
come within trolley-riding distance, she wouldn’t 
care whether she stayed at all ! Kathleen hoped she 
might get to be a bit broader than that before she 
went forth as a professional nurse. 

‘‘Well, it may be rather convenient to have a 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


79 


roommate with a note-book full up — I only wish my 
roommate had a half-way decent one,” remarked 
Mary Ward. And every one laughed, for her room- 
mate, Esther Donald, was the most careless of the 
six. 

“So far mine contains only my name and the date 
of purchase,” said Kathleen, “and the date, I fancy, 
I shall efface before long. Perhaps I’ll make it 
up off Miss Pringle in the Christmas vacation.” 

“Bless your innocent heart, but we don’t get any 
Christmas vacation, Kathleen,” Gladys Brown in- 
formed her. “We have the day, I believe, and no 
study hour the night before.” 

The news came to Kathleen as a blow. She had 
come from home prepared to remain a year in order 
to save the expense of the journey at Christmas time, 
when both she and her mother had supposed she 
would be given at least a few days. She went im- 
mediately to her room and wrote to her mother. 

Her correspondence with her mother had of late 
added largely to her happiness. At first she had 
written briefly and in a perfunctory way, disliking 
to confess how much she enjoyed the training- 
school. She had resented her mother’s questioning 
her when she asked for more spending-money, and 
called her repeated mention of the need of economy 
nagging. But before Thanksgiving she had put all 
that behind her and had begun to write long, glowing 


80 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


letters giving full accounts of her activities and of her 
enjoyment of the work. Her mother had responded 
royally, writing longer letters than she had time or 
strength for, relating all that went on at home 
and among their friends, and entering warmly into 
Kathleen’s daily life. She didn’t reahze that there 
were regular classes or examinations, and was pro- 
foundly relieved to feel that at last Kathleen had 
found her work. 

All this had, however, increased Kathleen’s long- 
ing to see her mother and to go home, and she had 
meant to beg to be allowed to make the long jour- 
ney, despite the expense. Now that that was im- 
possible, she conceived the plan of having home come 
to her. She wrote her mother begging her to come 
with Dick and Susy to spend Christmas day at the 
Empire Hotel in the city with her. The twins 
would be all right with Ellen. 

The letter reached Mrs. Rawdon when she was 
tired and rushed. The notion seemed so absurd 
and impracticable that she didn’t spend much time 
over her answer. She wrote kindly, but plainly, 
that the scheme was impossible and not to be con- 
sidered. 

Then Kathleen wrote demanding that Dick 
should pass his holidays with her instead of going 
home, and received a like response. Her third 
request for Susy drew forth a letter from her mother 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


81 


that seemed to show she was striving to conceal 
indignation or disgust. Kathleen wrote back that 
Susy was old enough to travel alone and would be 
better for some experience toward self-reliance; 
and as she would only have to pay half -fare, and as 
it was Christmas, she thought her mother might 
have done that little thing for her. It was hard 
enough not to have an own relation in the world 
without being forced to spend one’s Christmas alone 
the first year after it became true of her. And she 
added that if mother was so bent on saving, she 
had better save getting her any Christmas present. 
She didn’t want anything to remind her of the day. 
If it were possible, she would sleep right through it ! 


CHAPTER X 


T he days flew by. The probationary period 
of six months drew toward a close, and the 
sextette who didn’t share in the bourgeois dread, 
which increased as the critical moment approached, 
were nevertheless surprised and somewhat startled 
to realize that March was so near. 

One night in February, Kathleen was holding one 
of her httle parties in Mary Ward’s and Esther 
Donald’s room. She chose that partly because it 
was on the top story, partly because Ruth Pringle, 
who wouldn’t have been wanted, anyhow, didn’t 
approve of such festivities as were against the gen- 
eral custom and spirit of the school — there were few 
fixed rules. 

Kathleen was telling a story, and the five others 
were laughing almost hysterically. It was very 
amusing, and Kathleen’s manner and her power of 
imitation always added to the effect of her narra- 
tions; the hour, however, was so late as to make 
it imprudent to laugh aloud, hence a great ^deal of 
choking and stifling. But suddenly Kathleen, 
quickest of ear as of wit, caught the sound of a 
step outside and extinguished the candle. The 
choking subsided into complete silence just before 

82 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


83 


a knock sounded on the door. Esther got herself 
noiselessly upon the bed. 

“Are you all right, Miss Donald ?” a voice asked. 
“I thought I saw a light.” 

“I got up for a handkerchief, Miss Birdsey,” 
replied Esther in a very drowsy voice. “I turned 
on my flash-light to find the dresser.” 

There was an irrepressible snicker from the floor 
before the footsteps died away down the corridor. 
Esther herself kept breaking into smothered laughter, 
shaking until the bed creaked, and that sound set 
the girls on the floor into silent paroxysms. After 
finally quieting down, they waited ten minutes be- 
fore they ventured to break up and go to their own 
rooms. At the moment of parting, Kathleen pro- 
posed to adjourn until the next evening. 

“Not for mine,” said Gladys Brown with a shiver. 
“The chemistry exam.’s day after to-morrow and 
I’ve got to cram to-morrow evening — all night 
through, I fear me.” 

Kathleen was completely taken by surprise. She 
had been late the day the annoimcement was made 
in class, and hadn’t happened to hear of it else- 
where. She began to feel a trifle concerned about it. 
She had attended every lecture and recitation, and 
had performed the experiments, but she hadn’t 
written out her reports of experiments, which they 
were expected to keep in their note-books, and hadn’t 


84 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


made up nor even saved the notes of the lectures 
given. And she had scarcely opened her text-book 
outside of class. 

The next day she approached one of the regular 
nurses who had passed through the training-school. 

“Miss Warren, is the chemistry exam, likely to 
be hard?” she asked carelessly. 

Miss Warren wrinkled her brow. 

“No, Miss Rawdon, I don’t think it is,” she re- 
plied. “Of course you want to know your equa- 
tions — the reactions and formulae and all that — 
backward and forward. They usually put in a good 
deal of that. And then you want to be able to de- 
scribe any experiment you have done.” 

Kathleen was rather dismayed to find that she 
didn’t know exactly what Miss Warren meant by 
equations; but she said to herself that at any rate 
that part would be easy to cram — ^like the what- 
you-call-’ems in trig. As soon as she was off duty 
she appealed to her roommate. 

“Oh, Miss Pringle!” she said coolly, “Miss 
Warren says we ought to know the reactions and 
things of that sort for the chemistry exam. Is 
there any book where I can study them up ?” 

“Why, Miss Rawdon,” returned Miss Pringle in 
some surprise, “there’s one for each experiment, 
you know; and there’s the formulae and problems. 
Haven’t you got them in your note-book ?” 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


85 


“No, I haven’t. To tell the truth, I haven’t made 
up my note-book. I didn’t keep my notes,” Kath- 
leen confessed. 

“But surely you wrote up your experiments as 
you went along?” inquired Miss Pringle, looking 
up wohderingly from the long, stiff cuff she was 
adjusting over the sleeve of her uniform. 

“No, I didn’t even do that. I shall probably 
flunk,” the girl admitted, smiling frankly. “How- 
ever, I don’t fancy the exam, itself will count for 
much, if one’s class-work has been good. It’s more 
or less a form, don’t you think?” 

Ruth Pringle stared at her roommate. She ad- 
mired Kathleen overwhelmingly. Kathleen hadn’t 
been a thoughtful nor considerate roommate. She 
had slighted or ignored the other girl, and she had 
been less than fair about the privileges they shared 
together. None the less the heart of the Western- 
er still yearned toward the handsome, wayward, 
popular creature who seemed to her to embody the 
refinement and charm of the East. 

“I wish I could feel so. Miss Rawdon,” she re- 
turned reluctantly, “but— some one told me that 
they weed out the probationers by this examination. 
There’s always too large a class, and this person 
told me that they consider chemistry as it’s taught 
here a very fair test. Those that don’t get through 
disappear quietly over the following Sunday. Then 


86 KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 

there’s still another shaking up before the final settle- 
ment.” 

”Good heavens!” cried the startled Kathleen. 
” Whatever shall I do!” 

”You can have my note-book if you can make 
anything out of it,” said Miss Pringle; ”I’m just 
going on duty for two hours.” 

She didn’t say that she had meant to take the 
book along for any spare moment she might have. 
And Kathleen accepted it gratefully. 

She had an hour before she had to go to the hos- 
pital. Seating herself at the table, she began to 
copy feverishly from Miss Pringle’s records — equa- 
tions, formulae, reactions, and everything chemical 
that was to be expressed in letters or symbols. 
But she had only started when her roommate re- 
entered breathlessly to hand her a letter she had 
foimd for her in the mail-rack two floors below. 

Glad of an interruption, Kathleen opened the let- 
ter, which was from her mother. 

As she did so, she noticed with surprise and some 
resentment that the postmark was that of the 
village in which Dick’s school was situated. It 
didn’t seem fair for mother to visit him when she 
wouldn’t come to her even on Christmas ! 

But she grew pale at the first words. 

“Dear Kathy,” the letter ran, “I was called here 
last night by a telegram. Dick is very ill. Oh, 



“Dear Kathy,” the letter ran, “I was called here last night by 
a telegram.” 








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6 «. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


87 


Kathy, I cannot face the idea that it may be in- 
fantile paralysis, but they fear that it is that terrible 
scourge. Keep up good heart. I will let you hear 
daily. All were well at home, but Ellen only bore 
up to let me get away. Dick is almost like her own 
child. Mother.” 

Kathleen rose and left the room blindly, not know- 
ing what she was doing, There was a great attic 
used as a linen-room at the top of the building, and 
she betook herself thither. Throwing herself on 
the floor, she burst into tears. 

At first she suffered dumbly, shaken by sobs. 
Then feeling sharpened into understanding, and it 
seemed as if she could not bear it. Dick, sunny, 
funny, good old Dick, stricken down like this ! 
Dick, whom she remembered as a curly-haired, 
laughing baby in white frocks; Dick, so good and 
staunch, grieving silently for father, winning a 
scholarship, and plodding along trying to get where 
he could help mother and the younger children ! 
He would die or — Kathleen simply couldn’t think of 
Dick as paralyzed. 

And mother ! If it came thus hard to Kathleen, 
who suddenly saw herself as heartlessness and selfish- 
ness itself, why, it would almost kill mother, who was 
all unselfishness, who lived for her children, to see 
her son, her only boy, her eldest bom, suddenly 
stricken down before her. The girl’s heart went out 


88 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


to her mother with painful intensity, so that her 
suffering was doubled. 

It was not like her to recollect that she was to go 
on duty at four. But just before that hour she 
went down to her room, bathed her face, put on a 
fresh apron, and hurried over to the hospital. 


CHAPTER XI 


K ATHLEEN’S work at the hospital was always 
well done, but to-day she worked harder than 
necessary, filling every instant of the two hours. 
She went off at six, pale and tirecf^and sick at heart. 
She hadn’t been able to force herself to ask the 
nurses any questions in regard to infantile paralysis. 

At the supper-table, where she pretended to eat 
because she could not bear to be questioned, some 
one spoke of the examination. The girl started. 
She had quite forgotten it. 

Hurrying to her room as soon as she could get 
away, she lighted the reading-lamp and drew her 
things toward her. It was borne in on her that now, 
more than ever, she must succeed. Suppose she 
were to fail ? Even without looking further ahead 
than the immediate present, suppose she were to 
be sent home now to add to her mother’s burden 
of anxiety and sorrow ? It could not be. 

Miss Pringle came in and found Kathleen busy 
with her note-book, and assuring her she didn’t 
need it, went out and left it with her. It was late 
when Kathleen had finished cop3dng only what 
was barely ^necessary. Then she wrote a loving 
note to her mother, and went down and posted it. 
What she had copied meant simply pure memo- 
89 


90 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


rizing. Kathleen decided to go over that the last 
thing before she went to sleep so as to have it freshly 
in mind for morning. Sitting down with the text- 
book, she opened at the first chapter and resolutely 
set herself to the task of reviewing it. 

Little used to concentrating her mind, however, 
it was the harder to-night with her thoughts stray- 
ing constantly to Dick and to her mother’s anxiety. 
Moreover, the text, even the subject-matter, seemed 
almost new to her. Many of the subjects had not 
been taken up in class at all. She could have spent 
all the evening on one chapter. 

At half past ten Miss Pringle came in, glanced 
through her note-book and went to bed. Kathleen 
seemed to have scarcely begun. She strained to 
the imdertaking, and at half past twelve closed the 
book. But she did it with no sense of satisfaction. 
Her mind seemed dazed — clogged rather than filled. 

Miss Pringle was sleeping soundly. Kathleen 
took up the notes, but could not put her mind upon 
those letters and symbols that scrawled over the 
pages. Last^night’s revelling and the strain of the 
day had exhausted her, and she was heavy with 
drowsiness. She decided to lie down and relax until 
she should hear the clock strike one. Her head and 
eyes ached, and feeling that even’^fifteen minutes 
of darkness would help, she put out the light before 
throwing herself on the bed. 


CHAPTER XII 


^^Tky^ISS RAWDON ! You’ll be late for break- 

IVJl fast!” Miss Pringle called in hesitating 
accents. 

Disliking to disturb Kathleen, she had waited 
until the last possible moment. Seeing her lying 
on top the bed when she herself awoke, she had 
taken it for granted that her roommate had studied 
all night and dropped down for an hour of sleep 
in the morning. 

Kathleen opened her eyes and stared at her. 

“You never imdressed at all!” exclaimed Miss 
Pringle. “Were you up all night, Miss Rawdon?” 

Kathleen raised her arm as if to assure herself 
that she was lying there fully dressed, and looked 
blankly toward the window with the light of a bright 
late February morning streaming in. Then she 
recollected Dick. 

“No, Miss Pringle, I meant to, but I must have 
fallen asleep,” she said blankly, and Miss Pringle, 
who didn’t venture to express any of the sympathy 
she felt, left the room in order not to impede her 
movements. 

There was no time for her bath, nor even to 
change her uniform, which was rather mussed though 
91 


92 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


she had scarcely moved. With that terrible sinking 
feeling in her heart, Kathleen washed her face and 
hands and put on a clean apron and collar. Her 
cuffs looked badly, but there wasn’t time for the 
rather slow operation of getting buttons into fresh 
ones, and she must find a moment for that after 
breakfast. About to hiirry down, her eyes fell on 
her papers on the table. The girl groaned aloud. 
Again she had forgotten the examination ! 

She had fallen asleep and slept all night! She 
hadn’t even run over those equations since she copied 
them. She was utterly unprepared for the examina- 
tion. It was to come at eleven o’clock, and she had 
to go on duty directly after breakfast and remain 
until quarter before eleven. There was no use even 
trying. She couldn’t possibly get through. She 
would be sent home, and that would be the last drop 
in her mother’s sorrow 1 

Overwhelmed with bitter remorse, Kathleen went 
about her work. Just before half past^ten she had 
finished, and sat down to wait for the quarter hour 
when she could leave, resting her aching head in 
her hand. As she stared blankly into the wide white 
expanse of the inside of her cuff, on a sudden an 
idle, irrelevant story came to her. How they had 
laughed at college over the tale of Elise Allen who 
was stupid at mathematics, and had copied the 
pons asinorum on the inside of the cuff of her shirt- 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


93 


waist the night before her prep. -school examination 
in geometry, only to find when she needed it that 
it was upside down and half buttoned in. 

The girl started violently at the sound of her own 
name. 

“Don’t stay any longer, Miss Rawdon,” the head 
nurse was saying. “There’s nothing else. Go get 
a whiff of fresh air before your examination.’’ And 
Miss Warren smiled kindly, and said to herself that 
that brilliant girl needn’t look so white and pensive. 
She would come through with credit. 

Kathleen thanked her and hurried away. She 
went directly to her own room. Miss Pringle was 
not about, and had apparently taken her things 
and wouldn’t return before the examination. With 
trembling hands Kathleen locked the door, went 
to her drawer and took out a pair of cuffs and sat 
down at the table with them. 

There was not a second to lose. With the calm 
of despair she covered the inner surface of one and 
part of the other with the various equations she 
had copied the night before. Finishing, she ad- 
justed the cuffs, the one containing the major part 
on the left, the other on the right sleeve, and had 
just found that the work answered the purpose when 
the second bell rang. 

After she had unlocked the door, Kathleen went 
back and forced herself to look in the mirror. She 


94 


KATHLEEN^S PROBATION 


expected to see a terrible transformation. She was 
faced by a pair of desperate, frightened, appealing 
eyes in a white face. 

“It's for mother and Dick," she said to the image, 
“I've got to do it. I can’t be sent home. There's 
no other way out. I've brought it on myself. It’s 
my pimishment that I have to do this awful thing. 
I must stay here and finish my training so that I 
can share mother’s burden as soon as possible." 

She was the last to enter the lecture-room. Miss 
Martin, the superintendent of nurses, conducted 
the examination in person. She was a handsome, 
stately woman of whom every one stood slightly 
in awe, though she inspired the warmest and most 
enthusiastic devotion of the nurses. The proba- 
tioners had scarcely seen her except in passing, but 
she knew them all by name. 

She gave Kathleen a kindly smile. She had no- 
ticed Miss Rawdon particularly, early in the fall, had 
marked her handsome face, her attractive manner, 
her slim, strong yoimg frame. Everything about 
the girl seemed to promise that she would make a 
rarely fine nurse. She had watched her since, and 
though she hadn’t altogether liked the look of the 
girls she foregathered with, she knew she took to 
the work wonderfully, and was always on hand for 
everything, and believed that she was, as she looked, 
a host in herself. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


95 


Now she was secretly amused to see the girl’s 
white face and almost tragic expression. But she 
knew from long experience that the probationer’s 
first examination is a dramatic affair. 

The examination was printed and in two sec- 
tions. Kathleen started in with the first part with- 
out turning the page to see what the second might 
be. These more general questions were very difficult 
to the girl. She had probably never so struggled 
mentally as she struggled over them. What she had 
read last night had taken wing without leaving any 
impression. All she could do was to recover with 
tremendous effort what had been taken up in class, 
and endeavor to make conclusions and deductions 
that should have been familiar matter to her mind. 
She managed to write something on every topic, 
and believed she must have passed that part, though 
quite without credit. In which she was right, though 
her excellent English and fine clear handwriting 
helped the general effect. 

When she turned the leaf and looked at the second 
part,’the girl was appalled. She felt sick and fright- 
ened. She remembered the first part of ‘"Faust” 
which her class had read in college, and felt quite 
as if she had sold herself to the devil. For there 
was not a question, not a section nor fragment of 
a question in that division, of which she did not 
have the solution in her cuffs. She had scarcely 


96 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


to vary the order; it seemed to be practically only 
the case of a few omissions. Almost she could have 
copied her list literatim upon her paper, numbering 
them afterward. 

It seemed for a moment as if she must throw it 
all up, hand in her paper as it was, and fly. But, 
oh, she couldn’t go home, couldn’t give up her chance 
to help the family, to help care for Dick in his help- 
lessness. She couldn’t appear at home in this crisis 
announcing another failure. She must go through 
with it. 

Deliberately she set herself to the task. Oblivious 
of all else, she transferred the symbols from cuffs to 
paper, working so openly that detection would have 
been easy. But the other girls were absorbed in 
their own work, and if Miss Martin had been on 
the lookout for cheating she wouldn’t have dreamed 
of any necessity of glancing toward Kathleen. But 
the girls who entered the training-school were mature 
and earnest as a class; otherwise they would not 
have chosen that strenuous profession. Wherefore 
it was enough to have some one in charge of the 
room. 

Kathleen finished before the end of the period. 
She longed to wait for the bell to go out with the 
others. It did not seem as if she could bear it to 
pass up to the desk with her paper and cross the 
room before the other girls. But she had to return 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 97 

to the hospital, and this was her only chance to 
change her cuffs. 

As she took the neat-looking paper which Kathleen 
handed in so gingerly, Miss Martin had a pleasant 
word of congratulation. Kathleen, very white, did 
not raise her eyes. Once in the corridor, she fairly 
raced to her room. Tearing off the cuffs, she got 
into fresh ones more quickly than she had ever been 
able to accomplish it before. She wrapped the dis- 
carded ones in paper and carried them down to the 
laundry in the basement. There was no one about, 
and she cast the parcel hastily into the coal fire of 
the great range, and watched until the cuffs were 
consumed. The letters stood out to the very end; 
she had to stir the ashes to get rid of them. As she 
ascended the stair, she felt like a murderer who has 
disposed of his victim’s body. 

On her way to the hospital she found a letter from 
her mother. It was infantile paralysis, and Dick 
even in his utter helplessness was a hero. 

In her answer written that night, Kathleen was 
truer to her real self than she had ever been before. 
Filled with love and sympathy and yearning, the 
letter went straight to Mrs. Rawdon’s sad heart 
and helped her more than any other one thing to 
bear her burden. 


CHAPTER XIII 


'‘T RATHER think you must be a mathematician, 
i Miss Rawdon,” said Miss Martin, meeting 
Kathleen one evening as she was on her way to a 
lecture-room where Miss Pringle and some of the 
more thoughtful of the probationers were wont to 
gather for study. Ruth Pringle had originated the 
plan because Kathleen's presence, or at least her 
frequent interruptions, were fatal to any concen- 
trated work. Of late, however, her roommate had 
begun to seek out the gathering-place and was among 
the most studious of the frequenters. 

*‘Oh, Miss Martin!" cried Kathleen, flushing 
with pleasure, then catching her breath as she 
realized the import of the words. *‘No, indeed, I'm 
rather a dunce at mathematics, though I hope I 
can manage any sums or computations a nurse might 
— run up against" — she smiled faintly — “if I should 
be lucky enough to get to be a nurse." 

Miss Martin professed to be amazed. 

“Dear me, from your chemistry paper I thought 
we had corralled a mathematician at last. You know 
it's rather curious that so few girls that want to 
become nurses — and presumably, therefore, have ten- 

98 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


99 


dencies in that direction — have mathematical minds. 
Practically the whole lot are linguists and take to 
history.” 

“I like languages,” Kathleen seemed to hear 
herself saying lamely, as two of the sextet strolled 
slowly down the corridor, evidently desirous of join- 
ing her for the honor of speech with Miss Martin. 

'‘WeU, at least you are an algebra student ?” Miss 
Martin insisted. ”Your equations and problems 
were absolutely correct, and showed the power of 
rapid, almost instantaneous reasoning. No one 
else did nearly so well with them.” 

“Miss Pringle had a better mark,” said Kathleen 
before she thought. She had made herself almost 
ill wondering why her own mark shoiild have been 
so poor. 

“Miss Pringle had an excellent all-round paper, 
showing steady work. That girl will make a first- 
rate nurse if nothing happens — not a brilliant one, 
perhaps, but solidly good, the sort you can trust 
down to the groimd.” 

Perhaps she did not pause at all, but it seemed to 
Kathleen that Miss Martin hesitated, and she could 
scarcely conceal her agony. The sort you can trust 
down to the ground ! What did she mean ! And, oh, 
what a beautiful thing to have said of oneself ! 

“The first part of your paper lowered your mark. 
Miss Rawdon. It was rather low grade. Miss Pet- 


100 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


tengill assured me that you knew better. I am afraid 
you were rattled, as they say. You looked so, to 
tell the truth. Well, you are over the first and you 
won’t mind again. Your mark is quite satisfactory. 
Now I take it you are bound for study?” 

Kathleen smiled wanly as she assented. She 
passed disconsolately into the lecture-room. The 
girls had made a volimtary rule of silence, and the 
place was absolutely quiet. She sat for an hour 
motionless with her eyes on her book, without taking 
in a word or being aware of any one or anything 
about her. Over and over her mind repeated the 
strain. She had passed her examination only by 
cheating. She was sitting here in this room now 
only because she had been dishonorable. She was 
an usurper, a cheat. 

By no means new, these thoughts had, neverthe- 
less, not lost anything of the keenness of their cutting 
edge. What would dad have thought of her ? He 
who had always found an excuse for her — ^what could 
he have said now? Ah, and what would mother 
think ? That question Kathleen could scarcely 
endure, but it struck and beat against her closed 
heart demanding to be met. Mother, who was the 
very soul of honor, scorned and hated the slightest 
deviation from the truth, the least turning aside 
from the straight and open course. The only 
whipping Dick had ever had was when, as a very 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


101 


little fellow, he had told a lie — and not a very black 
one at that. Mother had been very severe with 
him, and when Kathleen foimd her crying afterward 
she had supposed it was because of that. But no, 
it was for the lie. 

There was nothing white or venial about this. 
Kathleen’s action was utterly black and ugly. She 
had done as she had, it is true, in order that she 
might keep on at the training-school in order to help 
mother and the others later, but she had brought 
it upon herself that she had to use baseness to ac- 
complish that end. And mother would never have 
accepted that sort of sacrifice. She wouldn’t have 
allowed her to do it for Dick. Kathleen knew what 
she would have said. 

She left the room first and returned to her own 
room without speaking to any one. She did not 
make a light, but raising the shades stood gazing 
out at the stars. She wondered why she should feel 
so keenly what mother’s attitude would be. She 
hadn’t cared greatly before — at least it didn’t seem 
as if she had. Only now, when she had forever for- 
feited all hope of such a thing, nothing in the world 
seemed so worth while as her mother’s love, her sym- 
pathy, and her good opinion. 

Her roommate entered and lighted the gas. 

“Oh, Miss Rawdon,” she said as she saw Kath- 
leen, “did you know that Miss Brooks and Miss 


102 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Farquhar had gone? Oh, yes, and that little Miss 
Adams !” 

Kathleen’s heart seemed to stand still. 

“For good?’’ she asked faintly. 

“For good — or bad.” 

“I supposed they had gone away — for Sunday,” 
Kathleen murmured. 

“They did, and didn’t come back, it seems. They 
went bag and baggage, or do you Easterners say 
lug and luggage?” Miss Pringle laughed gayly. 
“Miss Bennet has been moved into Miss Brooks’s 
place, and Miss Story’s gone in with Miss Lake. 
Miss Lake’s rather peeved over it, for Miss Farquhar 
was so jolly, and Miss Story’s very sedate, you know. 
Don’t tell, but some one said she was twenty-eight 
years old! What do you think of that?” 

Kathleen started to imdress. 

“Do they know why they’ve gone ?” she asked. 

Ruth Pringle shrugged her shoulders. 

“Search me I” she returned cheerfully. 

Kathleen folded her skirt neatly. Within a fort- 
night an almost morbid attention to detail had taken 
the place of her former carelessness. 

“Does any one think — that the chemistry exam, 
had anything to do with it, Miss Pringle ?” she asked 
quietly. 

“Can’t say — ^might be,” Miss Pringle lightly re- 
marked. Then she sobered. “Of course, Miss Raw- 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


103 


don, every one thinks so, though no one says it. Well, 
they had fair warning, same as the rest of us. Miss 
Farquhar was all right, and I’m more than sorry 
for that poor little Miss Adams, she seemed so sort 
of forlorn, but for my part I can live without Miss 
Brooks, can’t you?” 

‘T can live without anybody and an3rthing!” 
cried Kathleen with sudden fire. wish I were — ” 

She stopped suddenly. “Hop into bed, child, and 
I’ll douse the glim and put up the windows,” she 
said lightly. 

Kathleen had not spoken to her roommate of 
Dick’s illness; indeed, she hadn’t spoken of home 
at all. And Ruth, who had wondered greatly at 
her changed demeanor, was shocked and touched 
by this momentary flash of what had seemed like 
despair. She longed to speak to her under cover of 
the darkness, but could not venture. Her eyes were 
filled with tears, and she lay awake some time try- 
ing to speak, but the very silence was forbidding. 
And presently she fell asleep. 

Kathleen slept little that night. Next morning 
she started out anew. Lying awake, she had con- 
ceived of a plan that seemed' to promise relief. It 
was a sort of scheme of plenary grace — of super- 
fluous credits. Henceforth every lesson of every 
subject taken up she would prepare perfectly. She 
would study until she knew it beyond peradventure 


104 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


of a doubt. She would act as if the slightest short- 
coming would cause expulsion. Every subsequent 
examination should be as nearly perfect as mortal 
girl could accomplish. Thus would she lay up for 
herself extra credits imtil before the end of the three 
years she would have more than enough to make 
up for the chemistry if it were rated at its true value 
of zero. Then, perhaps, when she should be a senior, 
she would ask to be allowed to takse the probationers’ 
examination over, and would be square with the 
world again. 

Though reasoning so specious did not carry far, 
it helped in a trifling degree, and was bolstered by 
other motives. Certainly the change in Kathleen 
Rawdon, already begun, was thenceforward carried 
to a remarkable distance. Her restlessness and 
aching conscience forced her to concentrate her mind 
on something foreign to her own wrong-doing. Nat- 
urally very quick, when she had once learned to 
apply herself, she enjoyed her studies thoroughly, 
and had no difficulty in keeping her resolve to prepare 
each lesson thoroughly. She found a new and real 
satisfaction in keeping her notes so neatly and ac- 
curately that her book was the admiration and some- 
times the despair of others. She rose quickly to 
the first rank in everything. Anatomy, physiology, 
principles of nursing, food values — she outdistanced 
every one in the class in her interest and achieve- 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 105 

ment in all these, and was a real joy to the instruc- 
tors. 

Further, her work in the wards, good from the 
beginning, improved materially. Striving to forget 
herself only for the sake of her own peace of mind, 
she forgot herself in a better way in a desire to be 
of service, which shortly became instinctive. And 
a new interest in others gradually grew to be un- 
selfish. Her sympathy for pain deepened, and a 
new S5mipathy for sorrow and unhappiness softened 
the callowness of her youth. 

Before the period of probation had come to an 
end, five members of the class had been dropped, 
and six others left at that time. With the formal 
note announcing Kathleen’s acceptance, she received 
a personal letter of congratulation from Miss Martin 
which in other circumstances would have filled her 
with delight and triumph. As it was, it only added 
bitterness. She wrote to her mother merely that 
she was to stay. If only the personal word had been 
true, how gladly would she have sent it home ! 

Mother sent back a sweet letter that was even 
harder to bear. Mother’s letters 'were now the most 
precious things in Kathleen’s life — as well as the 
most painful. Every letter seemed to bring the two 
i nearer to one another, and at the same time to raise 
the height of the barrier between them. 

But all in all, they were the girl’s sustenance. 


i 


106 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


For weeks she lived on them. And then, suddenly, 
there was a change. The letters insensibly altered. 
Kathleen felt the first, slight difference without at 
all imderstanding it, and not feeling assured she 
was not mistaken. The letters were just as long. 
They were sweet and bright and cheerful. Dick 
was at home and improving, though very slowly 
and slightly. Mother related the little daily doings 
of the household as faithfully and interestingly as 
ever, but somehow — there was a difference. Kath- 
leen could not persuade herself that she was over- 
sensitive. The intimate tone that had characterized 
their correspondence had suddenly ceased. Again 
their correspondence was that of the mother at 
home and the daughter at school — except that there 
was never any chiding, however gentle, on the part 
of the former — not the intercourse of dear friends 
as it had seemed for those few months. 


CHAPTER XIV 


O N a fair, warm day early in June, Mrs. Rawdon 
was waiting at a station twenty-five miles 
from home to take the train for New York. She 
had been summoned thither to sign certain docu- 
ments and make the final arrangements for giving 
over her husband’s business into the hands of a firm 
to whom she had sold it when Dick’s illness made 
it impossible for her to continue to conduct it. 

It was a dirty little place, and she walked up and 
down the platform rather restlessly. Beyond the 
dreary waste of the station and tracks, rickety and 
smoke-begrimed factories and tenements shut out 
the distance, and there was nothing of greenness or 
beauty to rest her eyes upon except the brilliant 
white clouds in a Jime sky. She longed to be in 
the train and on her way. 

Dick had been left in charge of a nurse for the 
few days she was to be gone. He was under the 
care of the family physician and a young assistant, 
Doctor Lee, who had recently had special experience 
in a hospital with cases of the dread disease that 
had prostrated Dick. One side of the boy was wholly 
paralyzed from the waist down, and the other par- 

107 


108 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


tially; but sensation was returning slowly to the 
latter, and much more was hoped for. Dick himself 
expected to be sitting out in a chair before the end 
of the summer, and even talked of returning to school 
in the fall with crutches or a cane. Of course he 
was over-sanguine, but his mother cheered her jour- 
ney by her secret purpose. She believed Dick 
would be encouraged by the sight of a wheel-chair, 
and even though it might be months before he could 
use it, she meant to purchase one while she was in 
New York. Her struggle merely to meet expenses, 
which his illness had greatly increased, had been 
so great that the forty dollars she had saved for 
the purpose meant sacrifice indeed. 

As a train pulled into the opposite side of the 
station, a bent little woman alighted whom Mrs. 
Rawdon at first took to be very old. Strolling toward 
her in case she needed assistance, upon nearer in- 
spection she saw that she was not probably her own 
senior by many years, though toil had bent her 
shoulders and left lines like those of age upon her 
thin, worn face. 

She was evidently unused to travelling. She 
entered the stuffy station but kept coming to the 
door and gazing up and down the track with anxious, 
faded blue eyes, grasping her shabby hand-bag the 
while as if she expected it to be snatched from her 
at any instant. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


109 


A train from New York thundered in, and the 
little woman made madly for it. *'New York City, 
please?” Mrs. Rawdon heard her timidly asking 
the conductor. But he did not hear her, for he was 
holding back an eager group until others could alight, 
and she stood behind him and spoke very low. After 
repeating the question without making any im- 
pression, she started to board the train. Mrs. Raw- 
don hastened to her. 

”This train goes to Oxford and the north, not to 
New York,” she explained. 

“But I don’t want to go through Oxford. I’ve 
just come from that way,” the other cried, wringing 
her hands as she stood on the platform of the car. 
“I want to go to New York.” 

Mrs. Rawdon got her off quickly. 

“I’m going to New York, too,” she said gently. 
“Come with me and we’ll wait together for the train. 
It isn’t due for ten minutes yet, and I believe, being 
a through train from the West, it’s very likely to 
be late.” 

Perceiving that the other needed to sit down, she 
accompanied her into the stuffy station and waited 
there for the twenty minutes before the train 
whistled. Then she helped her on and shared a seat 
with her. 

The day was warm. The stranger wore a heavy 
woollen skirt, a black-silk waist of a bygone and 


110 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


ugly fashion, with a leather belt that slid up and 
down. On the front of the stiff collar, which seemed 
to choke her, a white satin bow was fastened by a 
beautiful cameo brooch. Her sandy hair straggled 
about her face under a rusty little black bonnet that 
was suited to a woman twenty years older. But 
everything about her was scrupulously neat, and 
when she had wiped the perspiration from her face 
with a fine pocket-handkerchief and, her nervousness 
subsiding, sat with her hands in their cotton gloves 
folded in her lap, gazing out of the window, Mrs. 
Rawdon saw something sweet and true in her face. 

She came apparently from far up in the coimtry. 
She must have worked very hard, at least from her 
young girlhood, and Mrs. Rawdon felt sure that 
she was a farmer’s wife and mother of a large fam- 
ily. She handed her a fan which Susy had put in 
her satchel, and encouraged by that courtesy, the 
stranger asked Mrs. Rawdon how to find an address 
in New York scrawled on a paper which she took 
from her pocket. She explained that she had not 
travelled for twenty-five years, and everything had 
changed so she felt like a ghost. Mrs. Rawdon told 
her that she knew New York well, and would see 
to it that she got to her destination ; and reassured, 
the little woman gazed out the window with increased 
interest. 

Mrs. Rawdon gave herself up to the stranger for 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


111 


the remainder of the journey, endeavoring to do 
for her what her husband had done for herself when 
they travelled together. And Mrs. Adams, who 
seemed to be more used to giving than receiving, 
nevertheless, responded wonderfully. Her faded 
eyes seemed to brighten. She watched the land- 
scape with ever-increasing interest, even finding 
voice to make little remarks about windmills or corn- 
fields or sightly houses. Many of the lines in her 
face softened and some disappeared. From sitting 
bolt upright, she settled down until she rested com- 
fortably against the back of the seat. 

But when at length they were within half an hour 
of New York, she became very nervous again. Mrs. 
Rawdon endeavored to reassure her by sa5dng that 
it would be only three o’clock when they arrived, 
and promising to put her in a carriage that would 
take her quickly to her address. 

But it wasn’t that that troubled Mrs. Adams. 

‘T can’t help worrying about my daughter, Mrs. 
Rawdon,” she said anxiously. '‘She’s sick and 
they’ve sent for me. I don’t know as she knows 
they let me know, and — maybe she won’t be — 
pleased at seeing me.” 

“Of course she’ll be pleased to see her mother,” 
Mrs. Rawdon said warmly, “and never more so 
than when she isn’t well.” 

“She’s a good girl,” said the other, smoothing her 


112 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


gloves, which were too large for her. “Minnie’s a 
good girl, but she’s proud. She’s had a hard time, 
too. She came down to the city to get work. I 
haven’t heard from her but once, and she’s been 
here since March. And yesterday I got this letter 
from a Miss Brown saying rather curt that Minnie 
was sick, and I must come and get her.” 

Mrs. Rawdon sympathetically hoped the mother 
would find things better than she feared. 

“You see, she ran away from home, Minnie did,” 
her mother said hesitatingly. “I don’t know as I 
blame her, really, she just couldn’t stand it. You 
see she wanted to be a nurse, and she went away to 
a school to study for it and thought she was getting 
on fine, but the first she knew she was told to leave. 
She come home at that, but folks were sort of hard 
on her. Even her pa wa’n’t very kind — ^his pride 
was dreadful hurt — and the other children were 
hateful, though I did everything to make ’em do 
as they should. You see their pa didn’t check ’em. 
One night Minnie come to me and cried — said as 
how she would ’a’ just killed herself if it hadn’t been 
for me. The next morning she was gone. I got one 
letter from her with the New York City postmark, 
but not telling where she was, and then nothing else 
till this letter.” 

Mrs. Rawdon understood better than the mother. 
She took Mrs. Adams in charge directly. Her own 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


113 


business engagement was appointed for the next 
morning. She took Mrs. Adams to the hotel where 
she was to stay in New York and, after they had 
washed, drove with her at once to a shop and made 
some purchases that would render her both more 
comfortable and more presentable in case of a crit- 
ical daughter. A plain linen suit with a white blouse, 
an attractive hat with flowers and a brim, and a 
pair of silk gloves still left a balance of the fund 
for the wheel-chair in case there was need of it for 
Minnie. Leaving Mrs. Adams in her room at the 
hotel to rest and don the new apparel, Mrs. Rawdon 
went alone to the address Mrs. Adams had shown 
her to ascertain the true state of affairs with regard 
to the daughter. 

Her suspicions were correct. She found that the 
girl, unable to get work of any sort and quite at the 
end of her resources, had taken poison after going 
without food for two days. The note she had left 
on her table had given the landlady her mother’s 
address, and she had sent for her in haste. But the 
girl had survived. Either she had not taken enough 
of the poison, or her stomach had promptly rejected 
it. Mrs. Rawdon found her dressed, though weak, 
and lying on her back on the bed. 

It had always seemed to Mrs. Rawdon that she 
could manage any young girl except her step- 
daughter. Minnie Adams was utterly charmed and 


114 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


became as wax in her hands. And when she left 
the city, two days later, Mrs. Rawdon had not only 
concluded her business, but she had set Minnie upon 
her feet again, and was sending her mother home 
a happy woman. But in the process of it all, she 
had herself received a terrible blow. 


CHAPTER XV 


M ISS CHARLOTTE WAINWRIGHT, whom 
Mrs. Rawdon had consulted in Kathleen’s 
case, was a girlhood friend, and she went to her to 
appeal for Minnie Adams. Miss Wainwright found 
a place for the girl as an attendant in the out-patient 
department of the hospital of which she was super- 
intendent of nurses, and agreed to take her as soon 
as she was fully recovered. It was not of course 
like being a nurse, though it was similar. Minnie 
would be an assistant to nurses, and what training 
she had had would help her so that she would begin 
to receive pay for her services at once. Further, 
she would have a comfortable home and pleasant 
companions among the other attendants. If she 
showed promise, she might later work up and be- 
come a nurse. 

Mrs. Rawdon had gathered from her first talk 
with Minnie that she had been at the same training- 
school and in the same class with Kathleen. But 
fearing that the knowledge might embarrass her, 
she hadn’t divulged the fact, and her name hadn’t 
apparently struck the girl. Quite likely it was not an 
uncommon name in her experience, and there was 


116 KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 

of course nothing of resemblance to call attention 
to it. 

On the day she was taking her train for home, 
Mrs. Rawdon called on her way to the station to 
say good-by. Minnie, who knew the city sufficiently 
well, was to take her mother to the train the next 
day but one, showing her the sights meanwhile, and 
afterward would take up her abode at the hospital. 
The girl was full of gratitude. In addition to other 
things, Mrs. Rawdon had given the remainder of 
the money for the chair to pay Minnie’s landlady, 
so that “ma,” whom the girl loved truly and un- 
selfishly, should not know of the debt nor have it 
to worry about. 

Mrs. Adams was in her own room, and the girl 
began to go back over her experience at the train- 
ing-school, telling how hard she had struggled and 
what the obstacles were. Mrs. Rawdon heard her 
patiently. She knew it wasn’t the desire for pity 
that caused Minnie to enlarge upon these things. 
She only wanted to justify herself sufficiently to 
show that this chance offered her would not be 
thrown away upon her, and that she wasn’t alto- 
gether unworthy the affection of such a woman 
as ma. 

‘'You know, I think it was mostly the examina- 
tion in chemistry that made the trouble,” Minnie 
said rather pitifully. “I had studied hard right 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


117 


along, but it was terribly difficult to me. Spelling 
has always come hard to me, and the minute I sat 
down to write I began spelling words wrong. They 
looked so queer that it sort of rattled me, you know, 
and when I got to the symbols, I was all mixed up. 
I put K for chloride, and F for phosphorus, and Ir 
for iron and S for sodium, just as I was afraid Fd 
do. I looked them over the last minute, too. I 
had a good mind to write a few that I always forgot 
on the hem of my handkerchief. I almost wish now 
I had!’’ 

‘'Oh, no, Minnie!” cried Mrs. Rawdon quickly. 

“If I had, ’twould have been for ma — so’s I could 
have got through and not disappointed her.” 

“No, indeed, that would have given a good mother 
real cause for sorrow, which is far worse than dis- 
appointment,” said Mrs. Rawdon firmly. 

“Well, anyway, one of the girls that passed did 
a lot worse than that. She had a whole slew of 
figures and signs written all over the inside of her 
cuffs, and just copied ’em down on her examination 
paper as fast as she could write. I was comerwise 
from her and saw it all just as plain. And she wasn’t 
like me, for things came easy to her, only she didn’t 
study any, and you can’t get those things down 
without it. She was popular and didn’t waste any 
time on her books that she could help. She was 
handsome and witty and all that, with dark-red 


118 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


hair, and funny-colored eyes with yellow and green 
streaks in them that some admired. And she was 
rich, too; she wore the loveliest green-velvet suit 
trimmed with fur every time she went out. If she 
did that, don’t you think ” 

Mrs. Rawdon drew out her watch. She was very 
white, and the girl said to herself what a saint she 
was to feel so sorry as all that for a stranger’s dis- 
honesty. Minnie had been neglected by the others 
at the school and had made no acquaintances. She 
must have known Kathleen’s name, but didn’t re- 
member it, names escaping her as easily as the cor- 
rect way to spell, and of course she had no suspicion 
of an3d:hing personal in Mrs. Rawdon’s behavior. 

‘T must be going now, Minnie. I’ll stop in your 
mother’s room to say good-by — no, you come with 
me. The best of fortune, dear child, and God bless 
you.” 

Minnie burst into tears. 

*‘Oh, you’ve been lovely. I can never forget it — 
all you’ve done. I’m afraid I’ve tired you, you look 
so pale. But — I’ll never in my life even think of 
doing anything again that isn’t honest. I couldn’t, 
knowing how you feel about it.” 

Mrs. Rawson kissed her, and after a few words 
with Mrs. Adams took her carriage for the station. 

All the way home she kept saying to herself that 
it was not true. It was a ghastly mistake. There 



Before she went to bed that night, weary as she was, she got 
out her receipts for six months back. 


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119 


might well be another girl in the class with auburn 
hair and hazel eyes, and she might wear a green- 
velvet suit. And all of last year’s velveteen stiits 
were trimmed with fur. Then, again, Minnie Adams 
might have made a mistake. Her own tempta- 
tion to use her pocket-handkerchief as a means 
of cheating might have caused her to mistake laim- 
dry markings from across the aisle for letters and 
figures. 

But in spite of herself a coldness fell upon her 
heart. Over and over she seemed to see one item 
in one of Kathleen’s bills from the training-school 
that she hadn’t been able to make out. , It had 
seemed to be “To one pair culbs,” and she and Dick 
had laughed about it and made up all sorts of strange 
things to represent culhs. As the price had been 
but twenty-five cents she hadn’t troubled to inquire 
from Kathleen. She said to herself that if it had 
been cuffs she would have known it. 

Before she went to bed that night, weary as she 
was, she got out her receipts for six months back. 
On the hospital bill, dated March 7, was the item 
“To one pair’’ — ^yes, it was clearly meant for cuffs. 

But what did that signify ! Why shouldn’t Kath- 
leen have an extra pair of cuffs ? She had had collars 
once or twice already. And why shouldn’t she need 
a pair in March ? If there had been — ^but she would 
not entertain such a wicked suspicion against Kath- 


120 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


leen. She might be headstrong, and she might be 
selfish — though since Dick’s illness she hadn’t seemed 
to be either any longer — but she would never have 
stooped to anything of that sort. 


CHAPTER XVI 


‘‘T’D like to play basket-ball/' said Kathleen to 

JL herself. “I’d like to play tennis. I'd like to 
play three old cat. I’d like to play anything ! No, 
I wouldn’t. But I’d like to like to. I wish I could 
really want to do something — could want to do 
something except hurrying to get through so as to 
earn money.” 

The girl drew a deep sigh. She sat alone on a 
bench on the lawn behind the nurses’ home, to which 
building those of the probationers who had been 
kept had lately been transferred. The others, with 
the exception of Ruth Pringle, were away, spending 
two weeks’ holiday which fell to them each year, 
but Kathleen had been unwilling to ask her mother 
for the money for the journey, and had not men- 
tioned the fact in her letters. And when later Mrs. 
Rawdon wrote to inquire about the vacation, it 
had passed. 

On this, the opening day, the moments dragged 
already, and Kathleen looked forward disconsolately 
to the long stretch ahead. There was no one about, 
and she dropped her head upon her hand and wished 
that that stony despair might indeed petrify her. 

121 


122 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Miss Martin, who had quarters on the lower floor 
of the nurses’ home, with a private door opening on 
the lawn, noticed the girl there idle and alone and 
went out to her. 

“Why, Miss Rawdon,” she said, sitting down on 
the bench beside her, “I didn’t know you were here ! 
I took it for granted you would go home. Are you 
keeping Miss Pringle company?” 

“Not exactly, Miss Martin,” Kathleen replied, 
realizing with a pang that she might have begun bet- 
ter by tr3dng to do something to make the Western 
girl’s holiday more pleasant. “It’s rather an ex- 
pensive journey to go home, and I thought I’d better 
not go this year.” 

Miss Martin was rather surprised. She had some- 
how shared the general notion that Kathleen came 
from a home of wealth. 

“What are you doing to amuse yourself?” she 
asked smiling slightly, for to her the girl’s attitude 
of despair meant boredom. Knowing how thor- 
oughly she enjoyed her work, she supposed she was 
lost without it. 

“Reading a little.” Kathleen’s eyes fell upon a 
book she had taken from the library. It was a trans- 
lation of “Les Mis6rables,” and her finger marked 
a place about three pages from the beginning. 

“You don’t seem thrilled by it, and I hardly 
wonder. It isn’t summer reading for one who has 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


123 


been working as hard as you, Miss Rawdon. And 
anyhow, you ought to get off the grounds. You 
must get what change you can, if you aren’t going 
away. Let me see, haven’t I been told that you were 
an all-roimd athlete?” 

That seemed a hundred years in the past. 

used to go in for that sort of thing,” Kathleen 
said in a spiritless way; “but of course since I came 
here I haven’t felt the need. I get exercise enough 
in the wards, Miss Martin.” 

Miss Martin smiled. 

“Then it was simply for exercise that you went 
in for athletics ?” 

Kathleen smiled faintly. 

“Well, no, Miss Martin, I don’t suppose it was,” 
she admitted. 

“Don’t let go entirely of any of your former in- 
terests, Miss Rawdon,” said the superintendent, 
with a kindly searching of the girl’s serious face. 
She seemed to have gained a wrong impression of 
Miss Rawdon. She had thought her full of life and 
spirits and abounding in vitality, as she had caught 
glimpses of her during the year; but now, as she 
began to get acquainted with her, she found her 
serious to the point of sadness, quiet, gentle, and too 
mature for her girlish face and figure. 

“You see, a good nurse should be an all-roimd 
woman, just as a good physician must be an all- 


124 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


round man,” she went on. “Interests of that sort, 
all varied interests, indeed, add to one’s permanent 
capacity for and store of cheerfulness, and there’s 
nothing more necessary for a nurse. I feel as if 
you had sobered down a great deal since you came 
here. Something about your face seemed to in- 
dicate that you hadn’t known care or trouble before. 

I am afraid you take things too hard. Don’t dwell, 
my dear girl, bn the illness and pain and misery you 
see in the wards, but consider that the hospital is 
here and we are here to relieve all that, and really 
that’s a cheering thought. And now break away 
altogether. Forget this place except at meal-times, 
and then you and Miss Pringle come to my table 
and pretend you’re visiting. I wonder — I suppose 
you row a boat ?” 

Kathleen had been stroke of the crew, but she re- 
turned only a general affirmative. 

“Good enough! Then I’ll tell you what to do. 
I’ll give you the key to my boat-house on Silver 
Lake. Keep it until the vacation comes to an end, 
and spend all the time up there that you can. Get 
some one to go along if possible.” 

Kathleen found Miss Pringle in their room, which 
was nearly twice as large as the one they had shared 
as probationers. Earlier in the year she had planned, 
when the change into the nurses* home should be 
made, to go in with one of the sextet. But the i 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


125 


sextet had been broken up. Two of the girls had 
been dropped at one time and two later, and since 
the examination Kathleen had not cared to seek 
out the other one. And she had been quite willing 
to go on with the same roommate. 

The two girls still seemed strangers. But Kath- 
leen had become far more considerate of late, there- 
by increasing her charm for Ruth Pringle unawares, 
and insensibly she was being drawn toward the 
other. And this afternoon, when, really longing to 
go out on the lake alone, she asked Miss Pringle 
to go along, made it clear to each how companion- 
able they were, and left them tacit friends. 

With the key. Miss Martin sent up two substan- 
tial baskets of limch. The girls set forth briskly, 
the Westerner being as strong a walker as Kathleen, 
caught a car, and within three-quarters of an hour 
were seated in the boat. 

The White Swan was a neat little craft, the lake, 
a large, placid sheet of water, and the afternoon all 
that a summer day should be. Kathleen rowed 
like a professional. Her spirits rose insensibly with 
the retium of an old pleasure, as they might not have 
done, however, had she been alone. Ruth Pringle 
caught the infection and showed herself an almost 
ideal companion. The girls laughed, sang, chattered 
as if neither had a care in the world, and the mo- 
ments flew. 


126 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


They were hungry long before they expected to 
be. Kathleen rowed in toward the shore farthest 
from the boat-houses and dropped the oars in the 
boat. Then they unpacked the baskets and began 
to eat. The food was delicious and abundant and 
the gayety continued. 

As they were lingering over cake and stuffed 
prunes, Ruth pointed to a large motor-car descend- 
ing the hill that led down to the pier. 

“Look, Kathleen” — she still hesitated a bit over 
the name though she had used it long in secret and 
thought it so beautiful and appropriate — “that’s 
Doctor Palmer. Some car, isn’t it?” 

“Sure,” said Kathleen. “Aren’t those his chil- 
dren, Ruth, out yonder?” 

Kathleen used her roommate’s name with glib 
ease. She pointed toward a boat in the middle of 
the lake which two children were just turning 
about. 

“Yes, they’re the little Palmerses — pa is coming 
to take them home to dinner. Isn’t it a pity for 
him to have such homely children when he’s so 
handsome himself! And there are two younger 
ones at home that are just as homely as these 
girls. Every one of them takes after the mother 
and she’s the limit. Kathleen, why do you suppose 
a handsome man like that marries such a ^homely 
woman ?” 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 127 

‘T suppose it must mean true love,” said Kath- 
leen sagely. 

suppose it might; only as a matter of fact this 
lady was fabulously wealthy, and — She stopped, 
frightened at the look on Kathleen’s face. 

‘‘What is it ?” she cried. 

“What is that little idiot trying to do?” cried 
Kathleen, getting into the seat between the row- 
locks. As the White Swan turned quickly, Ruth 
saw that the children, who were in a little light row- 
boat built like a canoe, were changing places with 
as little caution as if the boat were a parlor floor. 
Before Kathleen had pushed ahead with three swift 
strokes, the boat had overttmied and both children 
had disappeared. Making all speed toward the 
spot, neither of the girls saw that Doctor Palmer 
reached the pier only to see an overturned boat 
far out in the lake. 

The practice she had had already that afternoon 
had put Kathleen back into form. She literally 
raced and reached the boat in an almost incredibly 
short time. Neither child had reappeared but she 
knew exactly where they had gone down. Getting 
Ruth down into the bottom of the boat, she fixed 
her oars and dived. 

A few seconds later she appeared above the sur- 
face with the older girl. Placing her hands on the 
overturned boat, she bade her hold tight, clambered 


128 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


upon it and dived again. She rose to the surface 
alone and swam a few strokes. Then she went under 
again and yet again. The third time she appeared 
with the younger girl insensible in her arms. 


CHAPTER XVII 


H olding to the capsized boat, Kathleen 
called to Ruth to come to her aid. By now 
the White Swan had drifted to some little distance. 
But Ruth knew nothing about rowing, and though 
she got the oars into her hands, she only threatened 
to overturn the boat and throw a third person who 
couldn’t swim into the water. 

The child remained insensible. Bidding her sister, 
who was too frightened to be of any assistance, to 
wait and not let go, Kathleen struck out bravely 
for the White Swan. But it was impossible to make 
any headway with the child, and she only managed 
with great difficulty to get back to the boat with a 
vague purpose of righting it. But at that moment 
there came an encouraging shout. 

Doctor Palmer, who had himself been a college 
oarsman, had leaped into a boat from his car and 
was now almost upon them. A final spurt and he 
had taken the unconscious child from Kathleen and 
then the other one. Refusing to be rescued herself, 
Kathleen swam easily to the White Swan^ clambered 
in and rowed to the shore, arriving just behind 
Doctor Palmer. 


129 


130 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


On the pier, while Ruth comforted Arlene, the 
older child, the doctor and Kathleen worked over 
the younger. She was quickly restored and Doctor 
Palmer realized that his skilful assistant, who was 
also the rescuer of the two children, must be one of 
the nurses at the hospital, though he couldn’t place 
her. Later, he was amazed to learn that she had 
only just ceased being a probationer. 

The children were wrapped in robes, and Doctor 
Palmer got out his overcoat and covered Kathleen 
with it just as she began to realize the bedraggled 
condition of her white dress. Then he whisked 
them all back toward the hospital, stopping at his 
own house with the children and sending his man 
back with the girls. 

Kathleen was an odd sight when she alighted 
from the car in front of the niu*ses’ home, leaving 
the doctor’s coat on the seat. There was no one 
about to see, however. All the way up the stairs 
she left the imprint of her soaked canvas shoes, 
and Ruth, who followed closely behind, was shaken 
with silent laughter. The excitement had left her 
almost hysterical. 

She helped Kathleen in a professional manner 
out of her clinging clothing and into a hot bath. 
Then she insisted upon giving her massage, the prin- 
ciples of which their class were taking up, though 
they hadn’t gone far with the practice. It was vigor- 


KATHLEEN^S PROBATION 


131 


ously applied and with most kindly intent, but it 
was far from skilful and both girls laughed till 
they cried. However, when she finally lay in her 
bed, Kathleen admitted that she felt very comfort- 
able. 

They laughed continually, too, while they ate the 
little lunch of strawberries, cream, and rusk which 
Miss Martin had sent up to their room, thinking 
they might be late home. But on a sudden Ruth 
sobered. 

'‘Oh, Kathleen, what a nincompoop I was in that 
boat ! Honestly, if you had — well, cussed me, I 
shouldn’t have minded. It must have been simply 
maddening. I’m not fit to sleep in the room with 
such a hero.” 

“Ruth, if you ever repeat any such thing as that. 
I’ll duck you the next time we go out,” cried Kath- 
leen, settling back among her pillows. “But it is 
a pity not to know how to manage a boat, and I’ll 
teach you. We’ll go up to the lake twice a day and 
you’ll learn in no time.” 

“Oh, Kathleen, I’d love to learn. You see, I’ve 
always lived inland. There’s a river at home but 
it runs over stones, and I was never on the water 
till I came East and the train crossed a comer of 
Lake Michigan on a boat ” 

“We’ll just^ ” 

Some one knocked. Ruth tiptoed to the door 


134 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


were ready to go and sent them forth very happy, 
two tall straight girls with sweet faces and earnest 
eyes, the handsome one with a pensive shade upon 
her face which only added beauty. 


CHAPTER XVIII 

1 SHOULD have got thunder from dad,’* Arlene 
confessed frankly to Miss Rawdon, “because 
he had forbidden us to go alone on the water, and 
I stole the key and sneaked off when he was at the 
hospital and mother thought we were playing tennis. 
I should have taken it all, because they always say 
I lead Kitty into everything. It’s a wonder they 
don’t scold me for nearly drowning her, but they 
were so glad to have us safe that there hasn’t a word 
been said, and we can sit up to-night.” 

Her father, who was talking to Ruth, must have 
overheard some of Arlene’s remarks. He glanced 
at her sharply. 

“If you ever go on that lake again with any one 
except me before you learn to swim, Arlene Palmer, 
I’ll keep you in your room for two weeks on bread 
and water,” he said severely. 

“I’d rather stay in the incubator in the hospital,” 
said the child pertly. 

The doctor flushed, but before he could speak 
his wife spoke gently. She was truly an ugly woman, 
but she had a sweet voice and gentle, graceful 
manners. 

13s 


136 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


‘‘The girls ought to learn to swim, Charley. I 
learned before I was as old as Kitty,” she said. 

‘‘That’s quite true,” he acknowledged, “but I 
haven’t time to teach them and you’re not strong 
enough.” 

“I’ll teach them gladly,” Kathleen proposed. 
“I’m going to teach Miss Pringle, and we’re going 
to be at the lake every day for the rest of our holi- 
days. She’s learning to row already. It’s awfully 
simple teaching little girls. I taught one last summer 
up in Maine.” 

Both the doctor and his wife were delighted at 
the opportimity. Nothing more was said at the 
time except that they would have the first lesson 
the next afternoon. But at lunch next day Miss 
Martin told Kathleen that the Palmers intended 
to engage her as they would a regular teacher and 
pay five dollars a lesson for each of the two older 
children. She said Kathleen couldn’t get out of 
taking the money, and that it wasn’t too much. 

Kathleen began next day and enjoyed the lesson 
almost as much as the little Palmers, who were wild 
with enthusiasm. Every day thereafter through the 
vacation she gave them a lesson, and they learned 
much more rapidly than Ruth, who preferred row- 
ing. But she always went to the lake with Kath- 
leen and always accompanied her when she went 
to the Palmers’, for Mrs. Palmer was greatly pleased 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


137 


with both the girls and kept sending word for them 
to come back with the children and stay for dinner. 

When work began again, Kathleen’s studies and 
duties happened fortunately to be so arranged that 
she had Wednesday afternoons and Satiu*day morn- 
ings free, so that she was able to go on with the 
lessons on those days. Before that time, other chil- 
dren were offered her as pupils, and for the rest of 
the summer she had all that she could do. 

She enjoyed it thoroughly, finding it only sport. 
The children were very interesting and enthusiastic 
about her, and though naughty, pert Httle Arlene 
was her favorite, she liked them all. Her work at 
the hospital only seemed to benefit from the exercise 
and change, and at the end of the summer she had 
saved enough money to pay her entire expenses for 
the rest of the three years’ course. 

Furthermore, it left her no time for moping. 
Kathleen became cheerful again, though in a dif- 
ferent way. At times her spirits seemed as high 
as of old. For weeks, except when she wrote to her 
mother or received her letters, she lived only in the 
present. For when the old trouble rose and stared 
her in the face, she was able to exorcise it by going 
strenuously on with her work, or by talking with 
Ruth about their hosts of new friends. 

But toward the end of summer, on a sudden, de- 
pression swooped down upon her. September had 


138 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


been warm — unseasonably so, indeed — and she had 
been able to keep up with the lessons until the last 
day. It was borne in upon her that she should miss 
this healthful, cheering, exciting occupation, and 
above all the relief it meant. When it dropped out 
she would begin again to dwell upon the insecure 
— yes, the false — foundation of her life here, and to 
brood upon what her mother would think of her if 
she knew. And, after all, what was the use ? She 
had suffered so much already that it seemed as if 
she'should wear out if she dwelt upon it as constantly 
as she had before the vacation. It didn’t do any 
good. She couldn’t undo the wrong. There was 
nothing for her now but to go on, finish her course, 
and go out into the world to work for mother and 
the children. She wouldn’t have to take any more 
of the family money for books or clothes. And she 
wouldn’t get through any more quickly or better 
by worrying. And yet, unless every moment was 
filled — and with something as exciting as this had 
been — ^how could she help it ? 

She returned listlessly to the nurses’ home on the 
last Saturday of the month, the day before the storm 
that ushered in the early and unseasonably cold 
autumn. Dropping wearily down on the stone 
steps, she drew her soft felt hat over her eyes, 
thrust her hands deep into the pocket of her green 
knitted jacket, and gave herself over to melancholy. 
Once again the temptation came to her — ^if tempta- 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 139 

tion it were — or inspiration? — to throw everything 
up, go home, and confess to her mother. 

Hearing herself addressed, startled and confused, 
she rose to her feet. For the instant she believed 
she had been thinking aloud. 

“Oh, Miss Martin !” she cried. 

“My dear Miss Rawdon, I didn’t mean to startle 
you. I am afraid you are tired out,’’ said Miss 
Martin anxiously. “Come into my parlor, if you 
will; I want to ask you about something.” 

Kathleen followed. When they were seated Miss 
Martin repeated her question. 

“No, Miss Martin, I’m not tired at all,” she re- 
plied. “I’m just rather — it seems to make one blue, 
somehow, finishing anything — coming to an end. 
I have just given my last lesson in swimming. It 
was good fun and they were all dear children.” 

Miss Martin gazed at the girl. She was thin and 
brown and serious but she looked strong and well. 

“Are you quite sure it hasn’t been too much for 
you. Miss Rawdon, along with your other work? 
Of course it’s the latter that matters most. You 
mustn’t risk that upon any consideration.” 

“I’m sure it has only done me good. Miss 
Martin,” Kathleen replied, her voice rather sad 
because Miss Martin was unaware of the sort of 
good she meant. Then she smiled suddenly. “You 
remember you started it,” she added. 

“Yes, and you went in immediately for life-saving, 


140 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Miss Rawdon. Well, you don’t seem any the worse 
for it, and yet I confess, when I saw you sitting on 
the step out there so disconsolately a few moments 
ago, my heart was in my mouth. Already I pictured 
your mother rising up before me. And I wondered 
if I ought even to mention a new offer that has come 
for you through me.” 

*'Oh, Miss Martin, do tell me!” begged the girl, 
her whole face lighted with eagerness. 

‘‘Well, it goes back to the same thing. Doctor 
Palmer has just been with me. I don’t know as 
you are aware that he is on the school committee 
in town — he’s chairman and very influential and 
keenly interested. It seems that he — they — would 
like to get some one — ^meaning you — to give an 
hour a day to the high-school girls, teaching them 
basket-ball and the like. It’s a small school, with 
about thirty-five girls in all, and the salary they 
propose to pay is excellent. Doctor Palmer put it 
up to me first. I told him that, while I shouldn’t 
have considered any such thing for any of my girls 
three months ago, after the experience of the summer 
I should be quite willing to let you make the trial, 
if you were willing to give up the greater part of 
your spare time five days in the week.” 

Kathleen was more than willing. She was over- 
joyed at the chance. She had two hours off every 
day, and the school building could be reached in 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


141 


five minutes on the car. She found that she could 
make the numerous changes of clothing required 
at both ends, and get back to the hospital and into 
her uniform, and stiU have fifteen minutes to herself. 
And her evenings sufficed for studying and letter- 
writing. 

Beginning at once, she became enthusiastically 
absorbed, though never so much so as to rival her 
increasing interest in her work. The girls, who 
were older than most of her summer pupils had 
been, took to her at once, and she became attached 
to them and for a month she was almost happy. 
At the end of that time the receipt of her first check, 
a generous sum indeed, made her feel for the mo- 
ment completely happy. She couldn’t bear to get 
into a car; and as she hastened back to the nurses’ 
home with the money in her pocket, her feet seemed 
scarcely to touch the ground. 

It was early in November. Dick was able now 
to sit up in father’s big chair all day. One leg and 
arm were almost normal, and he was gaining par- 
tial use of the other hand and arm, though the leg 
was still without sensation. Mother had begun 
giving him regular lessons. She had been a teacher 
before she married, and had always kept her mind 
alert and growing and would do wonderfully. But 
Kathleen knew how difficult it would be for her to 
give up so much time, and she had long since de- 


142 


KATHLEEN^S PROBATION 


cided to use this money she was to earn to pay the 
expenses of a regular tutor for her brother. That 
night she indorsed the check and sent it on with 
a loving note. 

Quite to her dismay, her mother returned the 
money at once. She was sweet and grateful, but 
declared she knew that there were many ways in 
which Kathleen could use it for herself. (She didn’t 
seem to call her Kathy any more.) She must con- 
sider that she had been paying all her own expenses 
since early summer, and that therefore there was 
so much extra at home to use for Dick. 

Again Kathleen sent the check, explaining again 
that she had saved enough in the summer to carry 
her through — more than enough, in fact — she could 
be extravagant if she wanted to be, though she didn’t 
seem to care much about it now. It would be too 
dreary, too, to do the work just for money to spend 
on one’s self ; she would be so happy in doing it, just 
as she had been already, if she knew the money 
could be used for Dick or for any one at home. 

But again the check came back with the accom- 
panying note: 

“Dear Kathleen: 

“It is good and generous of you to send the 
money; but, indeed, I could not take it from you. 
Keep it for your own use. I realize how hard it is 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


143 


to go on with only your bare expenses, and to be 
refused what seem to you perfectly legitimate re- 
quests for little extras. Doctor Blake’s assistant, 
Doctor Lee, whom you haven’t yet seen, keeps up 
his interest in Dick, and has begun coming three 
nights a week to help him with his mathematics and 
physics. He insists upon doing it, and truly he is 
sincerely attached to Dick. I do well enough for 
the rest. I am getting very enthusiastic over geol- 
ogy, and so is Susy. Dick is coaching us until we 
catch up with him, and then we’re all going on to- 
gether. Dick is happy as the day, sees college ahead, 
and still thinks of going back to school for the last 
year and graduating with his class. He hears from 
Professor Dunn regularly and from several of the 
boys. 

“It is very good of you to wish to help your 
brother, but I can’t help feeling sorry to have you 
take up this additional work. It would seem to 
me more professional to give your whole time and 
tmdivided attention to the training-school. Unless 
you want the money very much, I should advise 
you to give it up. 

“With love from all, 

“Mother.” 

Tears streamed down Kathleen’s face. 

“How cold she is!” she cried, ‘T have felt it 


144 


KATHLEEN^S PROBATION 


for a long time, but I know it now. That letter is 
all ice. She won’t accept money from me eveii for 
Dick. I don’t believe it’s because she isn’t my real 
mother. I suppose it is because I have always ^een 
a selfish pig. But I’ve tried to make her understand 
that I’m trying to be different — to be better. Per- 
haps she means to ptmish me for all that’s behind — 
I never really got my come-uppings before. But— 
what does she think I’m here for? Wasn’t I glad 
to earn the money in the summer to save her the 
burden of my bills — oh, dear ! oh, dear ! if she knew 
how cruelly it hurts to be reminded of how I was 
always begging for money that I didn’t need and 
she couldn’t spare !” 

She took her mother’s picture out of the drawer. 
Of late she hadn’t been able to bear to have it out 
on the dresser. It seemed to grow sadder and sadder. 
Though taken some time ago, it was a perfect like- 
ness of Mrs. Rawdon as she was at this time. For 
she had sat for it at the close of a severe illness. She 
had had none for a long period, and her husband 
had insisted that her first move outside the house 
should be a visit to the photographer’s. Therefore 
the thin, worn, sweet face that looked out at Kath- 
leen was mother herself. 

‘‘Does every one change as well as every thing ?” 
cried the girl bitterly. “Mother was always as 
ready to be loved as to love. She was always so 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


145 


approachable, even when I was most abominable. 
And now that I long for just the least little crumb 
she doesn’t care. She has grown cold and distant. 
She’s relieved that I’m way off here and she doesn’t 
need to see me at all. It’s my own fault, and she 
was patient for ages and ages — and yet — it seemed 
as if her charity was the sort that never faileth !” 

Returning the picture to its place, she stood star- 
ing moodily out the window. A bell sounded and 
she seized her cape, threw it over her shoulders, and 
started for the hospital. On her way she was ar- 
rested by a startling thought. She almost stopped 
short as it confronted her. Suppose, when she should 
have finished her course and was a practising nurse, 
mother should still refuse her help? She quailed 
before the thought. She couldn’t face that con- 
tingency. Everything would be dust and ashes and 
worse. But, of course, that could not be ! 


CHAPTER XIX 


K athleen acquiesced sadly in her mother’s 
decision and ceased to question its justice. 
Quite likely she hadn’t any idea that Kathleen felt 
so much more warmly toward them all at home 
and hated her own past conduct even more than 
her mother could. Perhaps she couldn’t be expected 
to understand through letters alone. And Kathleen 
must wait all the long months and weeks stretching 
between now and the summer vacation before she 
could know that she was different. For, after all, 
one could write loving letters and still be a pig — 
and this without really being a hypocrite. But, 
for that matter, she was a hypocrite. Of course, 
if people knew the real truth, no one in the world 
would ever want to look at her again, and mother 
would despise her. 

Meanwhile Ruth Pringle had realized Kathleen’s 
depression and strove to rouse her from it. At last 
her efforts were successful. She began to talk of 
Christmas and to plan for gifts to her family in far- 
away Oregon which must be mailed ten days at 
least before the day itself. By this time the girls 
had acquainted one another with each other’s f ami- 

146 


KATHLEEN^S PROBATION 


147 


lies, and now Kathleen forgot her troubles in helping 
Ruth make her decisions and plan for carrying them 
out. 

That led her naturally to think about her own 
gifts. Her heart warmed with the realization that 
Christmas had a new meaning to her this year. For 
the first time it seemed to her a season of pouring 
forth one’s love unstintedly — of showing one’s 
dearest how much they counted for in one’s life. 

“I’ve thought of a plan, Ruth!” she cried one 
evening as they were getting ready for bed. “You 
know I’m simply rolling in wealth — with all that 
money in the bank and the November check in 
my pocket-book. I’m going to blow it all in — every 
penny of it — in Christmas presents for the five at 
home — and Ellen makes six! The twins call her 
Ellen Rawdon when she shocks ’em. I’m going to 
get up and write to Susy before breakfast in the 
morning and ask her to tell me what every one wants 
— some rather big thing, you know, and she’ll be 
wonderful. She’s awfully conscientious, and the 
most truthful child in the world. I’d be glad to 
use some of the money in the bank, too, you know, 
if I could. I wish every one wanted something 
whopping /” 

A few days later Mrs. Rawdon said to Susy: 
“What did Kathleen have to say in her letter, dear? 
You haven’t told mother anything about it.” 


148 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Susy flushed. 

“I couldn’t, mother, dear, truly. It was all about 
one thing, and that was — a secret.” 

Her mother paled. What was Kathleen attempt- 
ing to do through Susy? She gazed at the child 
seriously — almost sternly. 

“Oh, mother,” cried Susy, with tears in her eyes — 
“it’s only a pleasant secret! And — you’ll know 
some time all about it.” 

Mrs. Rawdon kissed her and left the room hastily. 
Of course I it was only something about Christmas. 
But she wrote Kathleen at once, and her letter ar- 
rived by the same mail as Susy’s. 

Kathleen opened hers first. 

“My Dear Kathleen: 

“I am writing early in regard to Christmas, in 
order to forestall any extravagance on your part. 
I am afraid, having saved more money than you 
ever had before, you may be tempted to spend it 
lavishly for Christmas presents. It is a natural 
human desire. But for all that, I want to caution 
you to save your money. You can’t tell what needs 
may arise suddenly in the future. You may spend 
a dollar apiece for the family, but make that the 
limit. As far as your roommate is concerned, do 
as you like. 

“Now please do not exceed this limit. I hate to 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


149 


seem dictatorial, but if my request isn’t sufficient, 
I shall have to forbid you to do so. 

**It seems a long time since last Christmas and 
an age since the next to last, when father was with 
us. We shall be very lonely again without you, but 
are counting upon the two weeks in the summer. 

“As ever, 

“Mother.” 

“Oh, but you aren’t as ever!'' Kathleen’s heart 
cried out. ' ‘You’re hard and cold, and you’re thank- 
ful I don’t belong to you !” 

Susy’s letter, which would have filled her with 
delightful excitement, seemed quite to break her 
heart. It was like having one peep into paradise 
just after one is told that one is forever shut out 
therefrom. 


CHAPTER XX 


Sukey, but it does seem good to see you, 
darling, after all this long, long time !” cried 
Kathleen, throwing her arm about her little sister. 
(Right in the street, too, Susy said to herself later.) 
“Just think, it will be two years in October — the 
longest since you were bom.” 

Kathleen had come home to spend her two weeks* 
vacation. Susy and the twins had met her at the 
station, and they were walking together up through 
the long village street. Old Charley had long since 
been given away to an old retired clergyman up in 
the coimtry who would give him a good home for 
the rest of his life. The spring was very late, and 
apple-blossoms made the way sweet. Robins were 
whistling and bluebirds singing, and now and then 
came the rich carol of the oriole, to whose bright 
colors the twins called excited ‘attention. 

As Kathleen felt the sharpness of Susy*s shoulder- 
blades through her thin blouse, she cried out: 

“But, chicky, how thin you are ! You’re all bones, 
darling !” 

Susy laughed gayly. She was perfectly happy 
at the thought of having Kathleen for a fortnight. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


151 


*‘If you hadn’t felt, you wouldn’t have guessed, 
Kathy Rawdon. Mother likes me to wear these 
middies, because they swell me out and make me 
look respectable.” 

“But, dearest, why should you be so thin ? Look 
at Flora and Dora !” 

“But they’re such children,” returned Susy sagely. 
“I guess maybe I’m thin because mother is. I sort 
of tag her roimd all day, and perhaps I catch her 
thinness like it was measles.” 

“Golden wobin !” called Flora. 

“Ho-ho, it’s just the oriole’s wife, isn’t it, 
Kathy?” corrected the other twin. 

“Bless me, child, I don’t know. Such keenness 
is beyond me. You’ll have to teach me. But how 
in the world do you know ?” 

“Dick!” cried both together. 

“Oh, Sukey, does Dick get out?” Kathleen in- 
quired anxiously. 

“He sits on the piazza and he rides with Doctor 
Blake in his car every day, and keeps it from going 
, off while he visits his patients. Doctor Lee hasn’t 
got a car, but he’s just as nice,” said Susy, and 
: added: “Oh, Kathy, your old room’s all ready for 
you and Dick brought the flowers — lady’s-slippers 
!:and jacks-in-the-pulpits — just think of that I” 

“How perfectly gorgeous! Let’s hurry to see 
lithem!” cried Kathleen. “And, oh, Sukey, you’ll 


152 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


sleep with me, won’t you, darling ? I’m longing to 
have you. You and I must make the most of every 
instant, you know; it’s so long since we’ve been to- 
gether.” 

Susy’s eyes shone. 

“I’d love to, Kathy. I’ll ask mother,” she said 
wistfully. 

But Mrs. Rawdon refused. It was Kathleen’s 
vacation, she said. She had only two weeks out of 
a year, and she must get in all the rest possible. 
Kathleen insisted that rest was the very last thing 
she wanted. All she wanted was to see her family 
— every single waking moment of the day, and she 
wasn’t sure she shouldn’t walk around all night gazing 
at their sleeping countenances. Still Mrs. Rawdon 
was firm. It hardly seemed like her; but for that 
matter it wasn’t like the Kathleen any of them had 
known to want any such thing — to want anything, 
indeed, except to have the whole family devote 
themselves to her comfort. 

As a matter of fact, they did so devote themselves, 
one and all. Kathleen had come home with the 
determination of taking over her mother’s burden 
wholly for the two weeks and letting her have a 
breathing-space. All the time she could spare from 
that and from Dick, she was going to spend taking 
Susy and the twins about. She meant to start out 
with this programme the very first morning. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


153 


She endeavored to do so. She started indeed with 
much vigor and good-will, but she couldn’t advance 
any distance. She encountered a sort of organized 
resistance, and though it was organized wholly for 
her benefit it was an insurmountable obstacle. She 
was practically forced to give over. 

But she 3delded imwillingly, and it wore upon 
her to receive constantly and solely when she longed 
to give. She woke very early the third morning 
and lay thinking about it. She wasn’t one of the 
family any more. She was an outsider — a guest. 
Of course in a sense she wasn’t one of them, though 
she hadn’t used to feel it. She was only a step- 
daughter and stepsister. They were a complete 
circle without her. They wouldn’t acknowledge 
her right to help. They wouldn’t share and share 
alike with her. They entertained her as a visitor. 

If father had lived, it would have been different. 
And yet, if father had lived, she would be still in 
college, at the end of her third year. In that case — 
well, she had certainly been willing to be treated as 
a visitor. During that first vacation she had been 
perfectly willing to accept everything and give 
nothing, and she supposed if she had gone on she 
would have been the same, only worse, at each home- 
coming. 

That sotmded as if she were better now! Was 
she? Kathleen sat up in bed and stared out into 


154 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


the colorless neutral hour that preceded the early 
dawn. Of course she wasn’t better! Everything 
she was and everything she did now was founded 
upon — a cheat I — upon falseness. Only — certainly 
she saw things more clearly. She understood better 
how much she really cared for them all — especially 
mother. And she so longed to do something to show 
it, to atone if only a little for her wretched past. 
She wanted — oh, she wanted just to be good ! 

Her punishment was that she couldn’t be. She 
could never be so again, never in all the world. In- 
deed, it wotild be only the more difficult as the years 
went by, until finally — what ? For everything she 
was or could ever be, everything she could ever at- 
tain, would simply mean so much heavier weight 
upon that false foundation. 

And yet — they didn’t know. Mother didn’t know, 
and why didn’t she give her a chance ? Why should 
she act toward her just as she might act if she knew 
how wicked she was? Suddenly Kathleen’s heart 
sank yet further. She rose hastily and went to the 
mirror. Perhaps she had so changed as to show in 
her face what she really was I Perhaps that ill deed 
had so poisoned her whole being that her mother 
read her dishonor in her face and was thankful that 
she was only her stepdaughter. 

Once, Kathleen had never approached a mirror 
without gazing at her own reflection, with a careless 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


155 


consciousness of her beauty. Unconsciously she 
had of late quite lost that habit, and only used her 
glass as a matter of necessity. She always dressed 
with care and arranged her beautiful hair as usual, 
but she was seldom light-hearted enough really to 
care how she looked. And in a certain way she had 
forgotten what manner of man she was. 

Day had dawned. Peering anxiously into the 
glass, she saw no striking difference. She drew a 
sigh of relief. She didn’t see that she looked like 
a cheat. So far as she could judge, it didn’t show. 
What then? With a little cry of vague despair 
she went back to her bed and waited anxiously for 
time to get up. 

As a matter of fact, the girl was changed and al- 
most strikingly for one who had not seen her since 
she had left for the school. Her face had lost its 
roundness and was rather thin; it had lost, too, a 
characteristic expression that had been something 
between pride and a carelessness that was almost 
hardness, though redeemed somewhat by humor 
and good nature. Her eyes were deeper and more 
serious, and her laughing mouth with its full rosy 
lips was sober even to sadness. 

Mrs. Rawdon had been struck by the change, 
as well as by her altered manner, though she had, 
indeed, felt that in Kathleen’s letters. The year 
since Mrs. Rawdon had seen Minnie Adams had 


156 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


been rendered doubly, yes, trebly hard to her. Over 
and above and through all her other troubles — sharp 
and ugly, where they, however hard, were of another 
tone — like a discord in sad music, the suspicion of 
Kathleen’s wrong-doing had been dominant. She 
would not and could not believe it, and yet she 
couldn’t disbelieve it. At moments it seemed ut- 
terly preposterous, but try as she would she could 
never wholly banish it from her mind. Over and 
again she had determined to write Kathleen what 
she had heard, but she could never force herself to 
do it — she could not bear the thought of letting Kath- 
leen know she had harbored that terrible suspicion 
against her. The only thing she had been able to 
do was to mention that she had met a girl named 
Minnie Adams, who had been in Kathleen’s class. 
Kathleen had merely replied that she hadn’t seen 
enough of the girl to remember her. She had heard 
the other girls refer to her as “that poor little Miss 
Adams.” 

A year had gone by and the matter stood im- 
changed. It was as fresh in Mrs. Rawdon’s mind 
as ever, and her heart was tom as cmelly by sus- 
pense and dread. She continued to say that she be- 
lieved Minnie Adams to have been mistaken, but she 
could never let it go at that. She had stmggled to 
keep the subject under as much as possible and she 
had tried to seem the same in her letters to Kath- 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


157 


leen. And yet she was aware that her constant, 
half -unconscious endeavor to open a way to Kath- 
leen to confess, if she should be so moved, changed 
the tone of her letters perforce. 

All the while Kathleen had only grown dearer to 
her, so that she was like the apple of her eye. And 
to witness this apparent change in the girl, a change 
that once would have filled her with exquisite joy, 
and yet to have something hard and cold between 
them, was almost tortiure to the weary and burdened 
woman. She found herself irritable and impatient 
where she meant to be all gentleness with Kathleen, 
and she dreaded what might happen before the holi- 
day was over. 


CHAPTER XXI 


M other,*' said Kathleen, speaking with ev- 
ident hesitation, “I was sorry to keep up 
the work with the high-school girls after I found you 
didn't approve, but I couldn't help myself, for I had 
already promised." 

Mrs. Rawdon was sewing on a dress for Ellen. 
“No, of course not," she said rather absently. 
Kathleen mistook her tone for coldness or even 
resentment. 

“Mother, you wouldn't have had me give it up — 
after that ?" she cried. 

“Kathleen Rawdon," cried her mother, “do you 
think I would ask you — expect you — to break your 
word !" 

Kathleen lost all her color. 

“There, dear, I didn’t mean to speak sharply; 
I shouldn't have,” said Mrs. Rawdon regretfully. 
“I seem to be excitable of late. The first I know 
I shall be a regular crosspatch." 

She sighed, adjusted some gathers, held the dress 
out for inspection, and went on calmly. 

“And, after all, you had a right to judge for yoiu*- 
self, Kathleen. You are paying your own expenses, 
and I had no reason to interfere." 

is8 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


159 


*‘But, mother, I want you to,” the girl protested. 
*T want to feel as if I belonged to you — as if you — 
cared. I wanted just terribly to spend a lot of money 
for Dick, and all — ^at Christmas, and was terribly 
disappointed, but — I was glad to have you forbid 
me to do something. Don’t — ^please don’t cast me 
off that way !” 

Tears stood in her eyes. They came quickly to 
her mother’s eyes, too. She rose and kissed the girl, 
but when she spoke again Kathleen felt that same 
inexplicable coldness. 

“Kathleen, my dear child, don’t talk of my cast- 
ing you off. You know how deeply I am interested, 
and I hope you know how pleased I am — ^that you 
are getting on so well.” 

With a sinking heart Kathleen began to speak 
of her studies, of her work in the wards, of Miss 
Martin and the doctors. She was endeavoring to 
come round to the subject of the money she had 
sent home, in order to beg her mother to accept 
the whole sum she had saved to use for Dick. But, 
though she had it so much at heart, she could not 
seem to approach the subject. At one moment she 
seemed to be tongue-tied and congealed. At the 
next she was on the point of bursting into tears. 

Finally, she made an obvious and far-fetched 
remark about the trifling expense involved in going 
through the three years of the school. 


160 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


‘‘Just giving the swimming-lessons, you know, 
mother, brought in more than I shall need until 
the very end,” she observed, tr3dng to speak as if 
she hadn’t already insisted upon that fact over and 
over. 

“But, Kathleen, with all the studies you take up — 
I didn’t dream there were so many branches that 
came in — the books must mount up considerably. 
Scientific books are so very expensive, too.” 

“Yes, some of them are; but, after all, there are 
not so very many, and Ruth and I use ours together 
— so we don’t buy but one book.” 

“But, Kathleen, that’s not a sensible plan at all,” 
said her mother rather severely. “You’ll want 
your books for reference afterward. If Ruth owns 
half the books, you will have to let her have half of 
them at the end.” 

Kathleen stifled a sigh. It sounded as if mother 
believed it would be like her to be overreaching with 
her roommate. And yet, when she recalled the first 
day and her monopolizing the clothes-press, she didn’t 
feel that she could resent it, 

“Well, mother, as a matter of fact, I buy them 
all,” she said gently. “You see Ruth’s family are 
way out in Oregon, and when she writes for money 
they’re forever about sending it. They’re not ex- 
actly poor, but she says ready money is scarce. And 
she doesn’t care to keep any of the books. I offered 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


161 


to let her have half, but she says they’re too heavy 
to tote across the country in a trunk. We are usually 
off duty at different times, so we get along beauti- 
fully with one book, and then at times we study 
together.” 

Mrs. Rawdon frowned slightly as she set a button- 
hole. She had an impulse to put some question in 
regard to chemistry, but she couldn’t frame one 
that didn’t sound forced. Kathleen realized with 
a burst of impatience that they were no nearer the 
topic she wanted to introduce. 

“Ruth’s family expect — Ruth expects — ” she be- 
gan, not knowing just how to go on. As she hesi- 
tated Mrs. Rawdon bethought herself of Ruth’s 
present condition. 

“If her people are in the West, where does Ruth 
spend her vacations, Kathleen ? ’ ’ she asked. ‘ ‘ Where 
is she now?” 

“At the training-school. She’s the only one this 
summer.” 

“Why, Kathleen Rawdon, why didn’t you bring 
her home ?” demanded her mother. 

“I— thought ” 

“Of course,” cried her mother quickly, “I don’t 
wonder. I wouldn’t let you bring any one home 
from college when circumstances were compara- 
tively easy, and so you didn’t venture to ask me 
now. I don’t wonder at all. And yet — I wish you 


162 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


had had a little more confidence in me, Kathleen. 
If it had been a college girl who couldn’t get home, 
I hope I should have consented at that time. Well, 
there’s still more than a week. I’ll go this moment 
and write a note telling her to come at once, and 
you write one to go with it, and Susy will take them 
to the post-office, and she’ll get it in season to come 
to-morrow. I’m so glad that you called it to my 
mind, dear.” 

When she returned with her note she handed it 
to Kathleen with a five-dollar bill. 

“Ruth might not have the money in hand, Kathy; 
so will you take the letter to the post yourself, and 
stop and get a ticket at the station and enclose it ?” 

“Oh, mother, mayn’t I please pay for it ?” begged 
Kathleen. 

“No, dear, I think it would come better from 
me,” returned Mrs. Rawdon firmly, and when Kath- 
leen protested, bade her make haste so as not to lose 
the post. Kathleen finished her letter and made 
her way to the station in such a tumult of feeling 
that she hardly knew what to ask the ticket-agent 
for. 

She had no further opportunity to straighten 
out things with her mother. Ruth arrived the next 
evening, and the days thereafter were full to over- 
flowing. The family were nearly as delighted with 
Ruth as she was with them, and as every one made 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


163 


the greater effort to make up to the girl for the time 
she had lost, the visit was a genuine success. 

It made a great difference to Kathleen, having 
her friend to go back with. Her heart was so heavy 
that she did not know how she should have endured 
the journey otherwise. And Ruth’s outspoken ad- 
miration for all the family, and especially for her 
mother, was solace to her even while it hurt. 

Mrs. Rawdon, who had been pleased and even 
touched by Kathleen’s fondness for her roommate 
and her new and strange consideration, lay awake 
nearly all night the day of their departure. She 
felt that she had been unkind to Kathleen, hard 
on her. She feared she must have acted the typical 
stepmother. Suppose Kathleen had desired to 
bring up the matter of the examination, had wanted 
to confess, and she had repulsed her ? She and the 
children were all the girl had in the world. Had 
she failed her ? 


CHAPTER XXII 



iHE parents of almost all of Kathleen’s last 


A summer’s pupils in swimming wanted either 
daily oversight or additional lessons for their chil- 
dren again this summer, and there were, besides, 
half a dozen new ones to be started this year. Con- 
sequently the girl was occupied constantly for the 
remainder of the summer. The weeks passed rapidly. 
For again her depression disappeared in her absorp- 
tion with work and play. 

But when the question of her going into the high 
school again this year came up, Kathleen regretfully 
declined returning, saying that her mother disap- 
proved. In fact, she didn’t need or even desire the 
money — she was grown strangely indifferent to 
that — but she wanted the occupation and the re- 
lief, and more than all she wanted to continue with 
the girls, who would, she knew, be almost incon- 
solable when they should learn her decision. Doc- 
tor Palmer, too, was exceedingly anxious to have 
her there during her last year, and he and his wife 
had been so constantly and exceedingly kind to 
Kathleen and Ruth that the girl would have done 
it for his sake even had it been very distasteful to 
her. Furthermore, he was the great man connected 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


165 


with the hospital — the Grand Moguls he was secretly 
termed — and it seemed almost treason to turn down 
anything he suggested. His oldest girl, Arlene, who 
was to enter the high school this year and had looked 
forward eagerly to that daily hour with Kathleen, 
would make a great ado in her naughty, spoiled way. 

Doctor Palmer was, indeed, exceedingly disap- 
pointed as well as surprised when he learned that 
Miss Rawdon wasn’t to return. He hadn’t supposed 
that there was any question in regard to it. But 
he concluded she felt it would be too hard to con- 
tinue the work in connection with her last year, 
and wouldn’t have dreamed of urging her against 
her will. He knew that in the hospital the girl al- 
ready was considered to be on a par with many of 
the graduate nurses, and that she was constantly 
appointed to substitute for them. 

He sought her out the day he heard the news and 
told her how very sorry they all were to lose her. 

“But we’re mighty thankful to have had you for 
the past year. Miss Rawdon, and correspondingly 
grateful,” he added, “and I believe you’re quite 
right in not making your last year too heavy.” 

“Oh, it isn’t that. Doctor Palmer,” said Kath- 
leen, “I’m perfectly fit for twice the work I do. It’s 
only that my mother doesn’t approve — my step- 
mother.” 

Why she corrected herself and added the last 


166 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


words the girl didn’t know. Only, now and then it 
suddenly came upon her overwhelmingly that her 
mother wouldn’t want to own her for a real daughter, 
and she felt at such times forced to explain the re- 
lationship. 

The doctor, who was called away at that mo- 
ment, interpreted it otherwise. He supposed the 
girl’s stepmother must be of the typical carping 
sort who complained about everything. After he 
had considered a little he went to Miss Martin in 
his first leisure moment, and asked if she could not 
do something to help out in the situation. Miss 
Martin agreed to do what she could, and sought 
out Kathleen that evening. 

‘'Doctor Palmer seems to think you would be 
quite willing, and perhaps glad, to go on with the 
work with the schoolgirls so far as you yourself 
are concerned. Miss Rawdon,” she said. “Does 
your mother seriously object ?” 

Kathleen’s eyes met hers wistfully. 

“I hardly know. Miss Martin. She said it didn’t 
seem wise to her, and so — I thought I’d better not.” 

“She understands the situation fully?” 

“No, I don’t think she does. Miss Martin. I 
suppose she is afraid my other work will suffer, and, 
as she says, that is what I am here for.” 

“Quite true. Miss Rawdon, but also it’s true, I 
believe, that your work gains rather than loses. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


167 


It wasn’t a strain on you last year — you took it like 
play or recreation. And it enlarged your knowledge 
of human nature, which is a great asset. Besides, 
it was so good for the girls — and not alone physically, 
Arlene Palmer has become a different child since 
she began swimming-lessons with you. She was a 
perfect little terror before.” 

“So I have heard from some of the girls, 
but ” 

“It wasn’t her fault. She was the first child and 
very precocious. The Palmers have lots of money, 
and Arlene had everything she wanted and her own 
way in everything, and was petted and spoiled with- 
out measure. Her naughtiness ceased to be amusing 
after she got to be ten years old, and suddenly her 
father and mother began to be shocked and anxious; 
but they seemed practically helpless before the 
child. Doctor Palmer has enough poise and dignity 
so that he rules like an autocrat elsewhere, but you 
have been at the house enough to realize that he 
doesn’t understand the management of children.” 

It had truly surprised Kathleen. Further, the 
girl couldn’t but be aware that Arlene adored her. 
And she had truly striven to influence the child 
: for good. 

i “She goes into the high school next year,” ob- 
I served Miss Martin. ‘ ‘ Does your mother know about 
I Arlene, Miss Rawdon ?” 


168 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


'‘No, Miss Martin. I have seen mother only the 
once since I entered, and though I have written 
about the Palmers I don’t believe I’ve said any- 
thing special about Arlene.” 

‘‘I wonder — ^would you be willing to have me 
write your mother and explain the situation as I 
see it ? I can’t help feeling that she wouldn’t mind 
if she imderstood it.” 

Kathleen gazed sadly into the distance. She 
hardly knew what to say. She feared that if she 
consented, her mother might resent it. On the other 
hand, she hesitated to give Miss Martin the impres- 
sion that her mother was hard and narrow, and not 
to be approached. She couldn’t make up her mind. 

‘‘Well, dear, take a little time to think it over,” 
said Miss Martin kindly. “Perhaps you’ll come to 
me as early in the morning as you can and let me 
know how you feel.” 

“Thank you, Miss Martin,” responded the girl 
gratefully. “Mother is — really wonderful and good 
beyond expression. I only ” 

“I imderstand perfectly — take your own time.” 

The next morning Kathleen was waiting for Miss 
Martin as she came out from breakfast. The super- 
intendent took her into a little reception-room. 

“My dear, let me tell you what I’ve done,” she 
said. “After you had gone last night, I got to think- 
ing, and remembered that my old friend, Lottie 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


169 


Wainwright, now in New York, wrote me about 
you in the first place, about your coming here, and 
said she was also a friend of your mother’s. On the 
strength of that, I sat down and wrote to your mother 
explaining the situation fully and asking her to re- 
consider and let me know if she still feels the same 
about your going on with the outside work. I told 
her I was writing without your knowledge. You 
are surprised, aren’t you?” she asked smilingly. 

''Surely I am,” replied Kathleen, smiling too. 

"And relieved ?” 

"Immensely,” said the girl. 

Two days later came Mrs. Rawdon’s reply. The 
letter was so frank and fine and wise as to surprise 
Miss Martin, who had felt that Kathleen’s step- 
mother must be a difficult person to deal with, the 
girl apparently stood in such awe of her. She had 
sometimes thought that Kathleen’s extreme serious- 
ness might be the result of her stepmother’s sever- 
ity, and her high spirits of the first few months, a 
reaction from repression, to be followed by the re- 
sumption of habitual sadness. But the letter seemed 
to demolish that theory. Mrs. Rawdon spoke feel- 
ingly of their common friend. She expressed her 
gratification that Kathleen should have been able 
to attend the training-school, and the high idea she 
i-must have gained through her of its excellence, if 
' she hadn’t already known it through Miss Wain- 


170 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


wright. She thanked Miss Martin for making the 
situation clear with regard to Kathleen’s doing the 
work at the high school. She had no objection what- 
ever, now that she understood, but would be glad 
to have her go on with it. It touched her deeply 
to learn that her daughter’s influence with the girls 
counted for so much. 

Miss Martin told Kathleen of the letter and that 
it expressed cordial approval, and said that she 
would herself inform Doctor Palmer that she would 
return. 

“Would you like to see your mother’s letter, 
dear?” she asked softly. “It’s really beautiful.” 

Tears rose to Kathleen’s eyes. She shook her 
head. 

“But why, my dear — are you too modest ?” 

“It would make me cry,” faltered Kathleen, and 
betook herself hurriedly to the wards. 


CHAPTER XXIII 


T he Palmers had dinner at half past six, and 
all the children except the baby came to the 
table. The doctor was very particular. He insisted 
upon having his soup hot as well as thoroughly 
peppered. It must not only be served from a tureen 
on the table, and that an old-fashioned silver one 
heated almost to the melting-point before the scalding 
liquid was turned into it, but the tureen must not 
be brought to the table until he made his appear- 
ance. He was usually the last to come and was 
often late. 

On the evening of the day when he had learned 
that Miss Rawdon was not to take up the work at 
the high school, he rather dreaded meeting his eldest 
daughter. He had endeavored to have a serious 
talk with Arlene, and, having appealed in vain to 
her, had told her threateningly that if she didn’t 
behave herself at the high school like other girls. 
Miss Rawdon wouldn’t allow her to come into the 
gymnasium. Arlene felt the cogency of this, but 
as she had already made up her mind to placate 
her idol by being a good girl in school she wasn’t 
disturbed, and answered with her wonted pertness. 
Now, her father hardly knew how she would take 


172 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


the truth when she should learn it — ^whether she 
would storm over the decision or whether she would 
gloat over the license to be as wilful as she could 
and probably to bring disgrace upon her family. 

He didn’t mean to announce the fact until he 
had to, but he had hardly seated himself at the table 
when Arlene spoke. 

“Oh, dad, is it all right about Kathleen?” she 
demanded. 

“What do you mean, Arlene?” he asked to gain 
time. 

“You know perfectly well what I mean,” she 
said uncompromisingly. 

“Of course it’s all right about Miss Rawdon,” 
he said severely. “She’s one who always does her 
level best, and I for one respect any decision she 
may make. Nettie, will you ring for the soup ? 
What’s Bella doing with herself?” 

“Then she’s coming to the high school every 
day?” demanded Arlene. 

Her words being in the form of an assertion rather 
than a question, the doctor did not correct his daugh- 
ter. Bella brought in the soup and removed the hot , 
cover with a cloth. \ 

“She is coming back, dad ?” Arlene almost shouted. , 

“So you say, my dear. Parents aren’t expected ;; 
to contradict their children,” he returned lightb^ i 

Arlene’s color rose. .( 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


173 


“Oh, Charley,” said Mrs. Palmer, “Arlene’s 
really all worked up over it. She heard something 
to-day that made it seem doubtful. If you know, 
dear, do tell her.” 

“Certainly, I will tell her if she asks in a proper 
fashion. What’s that, Kitty, no soup ? Of course 
you’ll have soup. Bella, put it right down.” 

“It’s too hot! It scalds me!” cried Kitty. 

Whereupon Arlene calmly turned a glass of ice- 
water into it. 

Kitty started to cry, then laughed hysterically. 

“Arlene, do you want to be sent away from the 
table?” demanded her father, while Bella hastened 
out to cook with the overflowing soup-plate and 
the tale of the naughty girl. 

“Not till you answer me; I don’t care then,” re- 
plied Arlene. 

“Arlene, darling, ask papa nicely and he’ll tell 
you all about it,” pleaded her mother. 

“Doctor Palmer, will you kindly inform me if 
Miss Rawdon is going back to the high school?” 
Arlene asked with dangerous politeness. 

He laughed. 

“No, she’s not,” he said. 

“What!” shrieked the child. 

“Miss Rawdon is not going back,” he repeated. 

“I don’t believe it!” the child cried, her cheeks 
burning. 


174 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Doctor Palmer began talking to his wife, but Ar- 
lene broke in : 

“Dad, couldn’t you have made her or persuaded 
her or — something ? ” she demanded almost piteously. 

“I shouldn’t have tried, in any case, Arlene,” 
he said coolly. 

“Coiild you if you had wanted ? Could you have 
made her?” she demanded. 

“No, Arlene, of course not, nor would I.” 

“Could you have got her to do it if you had teased 
her?” 

“I don’t know — possibly.” 

“Oh, dad, won’t you try? Won’t you tease her 
and tease her?” 

“I certainly will not, Arlene!” 

Arlene’s eyes flashed. 

“Then you’re the meanest, hatefulest, wretchedest 
old thing that ever breathed!” she cried, stamping 
violently upon the floor. 

“Arlene Palmer ! will you leave the table at once !” 
he demanded. 

She rose, pulling the table-cloth with her. Her 
mother thought she was caught in the folds and 
cried out. But Arlene had gathered the folds to- 
gether in a strong grasp and suddenly pulled the 
whole thing, china, soup-tureen, and all, strongly 
toward her. And before any one could intervene, 
everything went pell-mell, and confusion reigned. 


CHAPTER XXIV 


*'"P\ON*T you think I might go up to her now, 
Charley?*’ urged Mrs. Palmer. *‘I*m sure 
she’s sorry and ashamed.” 

“I’ll go myself very shortly,” replied the doctor, 
whose right hand was bandaged. He had scalded 
it saving his wife from the contents of the soup- 
tureen. Little Nettie's bare legs were burned above 
her short stockings, but aside from the damage to 
the china and rug, no other harm had been done. 

“I think I’d better go,” insisted his wife, who 
didn’t dare let the two come together again that 
night. 

“Well, wait a bit at any rate,” he temporized. 

Mrs. Palmer fidgeted constantly. 

“It seems as if I heard something in the music- 
room,” she said presently, and though the doctor 
declared she was nervous and “hearing things,” 
he went to investigate. He uttered an exclamation, 
and she hurried after him. Water was dripping 
from the ceiling, a third of which was already soaked 
through. 

Investigation proved that Arlene had turned on 
both faucets of the tub and both of the wash-bowl 
175 


176 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


in the bath between her room and the nursery. Two 
hours had wrought great havoc. Those three rooms 
were flooded, and the parlor ceiling was worse than 
that of the music-room. The servants were sum- 
moned, and the children, Arlene included, were 
moved into the third story. It took nearly all night 
to soak up the water, and there were workmen in 
the house for nearly two weeks before order was 
restored. 

The following day, when she was informed that 
she was to be sent away to school, Arlene pretended 
not to care, though she was filled with consterna- 
tion at the thought of being wholly separated from 
Kathleen during her last year at the hospital. But 
though she laughed, she blanched visibly when her 
father declared that he was going to tell Miss Raw- 
don all about what she had done. 

She had been ordered to remain in the room as- 
signed to her in solitary confinement for a week. 
She stayed there quietly enough. Though she ate 
little, no one knew what the child suffered in the 
thought that Kathleen knew of her wickedness. 

On the fourth day her mother came to her. 

“Oh, Arlene, Miss Rawdon is going back to the 
high school after all. She thought her mother didn’t 
want her to, and so gave it up — she loves her mother, 
and loved her father when he was alive. But 
her mother changed her mind and Kathleen is 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 177 

going back. Now aren’t you sorry you were so 
naughty?” 

“I’m sorry I’m going to that school !” cried 

Arlene fiercely. 

“Why, Arlene Palmer! To think that my 
daughter should swear!” cried her mother with 
tears in her eyes. “Your father says you ought to 
be sent to a reform-school, and I’m afraid he’s 
right.” 

She left the room. The key had been taken from 
the lock. Arlene moved a heavy chest of drawers 
before the door, then flimg herself on the floor and 
cried and sobbed imtil she was quite exhausted. 

Kathleen, meanwhile, knew nothing of her little 
friend’s outbreak and disgrace. The day after Miss 
Martin had received her mother’s letter, the super- 
intendent came to her in the ward where she was 
occupied at five o’clock in the afternoon. 

“Miss Warren will send some one to relieve you 
in about ten minutes. Miss Rawdon,” she said. 
“Doctor Palmer has sent his car for you. Go just 
as you are. He wants you to stay with his wife — 
she asked for you — she has collapsed. Arlene is 
lost — she has run away from home. They only 
missed her an hour ago, but no one has seen her 
since morning. The doctor was away all day, and 
they only discovered it when he got home.” 


CHAPTER XXV 


K athleen longed to be out with one of the 
search-parties rather than with the anxious, 
distracted mother during those terrible nights of 
suspense. Arlene hadn’t been near the station, and 
no strange motor-car had been seen an3rwhere about 
that section of the place on the day of her disap- 
pearance. Consequently it seemed almost certain 
that she had not gone beyond walking distance. 
And yet at the end of the second day — ^twenty-four 
hours after her absence had been discovered — every 
foot of ground covering a radius of ten miles from 
Doctor Palmer’s house had been gone over in vain. 
Silver Lake had been dragged and every boat-house 
entered, and still no trace of the child. 

Mrs. Palmer did not close her eyes the first night. 
At first she wept and moaned, but toward midnight 
she became more quiet and explained to Kathleen 
the incidents leading up to the child’s flight. The 
girl had to admit that the thought of being sent 
away to school — ^perhaps even dread of the imknown 
and mysteriously terrible reform-school — lay behind 
the child’s flight. She had never been separated 
from her mother overnight, and she was barely twelve 
years old. 


178 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


179 


But she couldn’t have gone far. She must be 
hiding somewhere near, and must eventually be 
fotmd. And over and over again Kathleen had to 
assure Mrs. Palmer that she didn’t think they had 
been cruel to Arlene. 

will just kill her father,” wailed Mrs. Palmer. 
“Arlene’s the apple of his eye. She could always 
do anything with him, until lately — ^he was a per- 
fect slave to her. Within the last two years there’s 
been more or less friction. They’re so much alike 
they fret each other — at least Arlene vexes him, 
and he works so hard that he gets nervous, and isn’t 
as patient with the child as he should be. Now that 
night — dear me ! — ^what night was it. Miss Rawdon ? ” 

“It must have been Tuesday, Mrs. Palmer.” 

And again Mrs. Palmer went over the events of 
that night, and again agonized over the cruelty of 
leaving the child to herself for three days to brood 
over the prospect of exile. 

When the doctor returned in the morning he 
looked haggard and worn and shockingly white. He 
had coffee, snatched an hour’s rest, and was off 
again. 

Shortly after he had gone Miss Martin appeared, 
sent Kathleen back to her room and bade her sleep 
until she sent for her. She would herself remain 
with Mrs. Palmer until afternoon. 

As she walked back to her room, and as she lay 


180 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


on her bed, Kathleen’s heart ached for the odd, 
naughty, passionate little thing. How she must 
have suffered alone those three days with the memory 
of her shocking behavior. 

But it was only a child’s flash of temper, after 
all. It would have died out and Arlene would so 
long to see her family that she would conquer her 
dread and return. In any event they must soon 
find her. Even if she wished to evade them longer, 
she was too inexperienced to be able to do so. With 
this assurance Kathleen fell asleep. 

Toward the close of the afternoon Miss Martin 
came to her. Between twelve and one, she had left 
Mrs. Palmer in the sound sleep of exhaustion, bidding 
them let her know when she awoke that she might 
send Miss Rawdon back. Of course the doctor’s 
cars were both in use, but she knew Kathleen would 
be glad of the walk. 

“I know how terribly wearing it is, dear, to go 
through these distracting night-watches. I spoke 
of sending some one else, but Mrs. Palmer wants 
you. And, after all, it is good to be wanted.*' 

How good to Kathleen, she could not know. 

** There’s no news?” the girl asked, sadly incred- 
ulous. 

“No clew whatever. If the child isn’t found by 
morning I’m afraid they will never see her alive.” 

Kathleen paled. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


181 


**lt wouldn’t seem so bad,” she said, ‘‘if 
only ” 

She couldn’t finish. Over and above all other 
things, she wanted little Arlene to return and have 
the opportunity to redeem her naughtiness. 

The second night Mrs. Palmer was yet more 
nervous. Between three and four in the morning 
she dropped into a light sleep. Kathleen stole over 
to the window and peered through the morning 
twilight. She wondered if all hope were vain by 
now. 

On a sudden her mind veered sharply away from 
the present, and the day on the river came back 
to her — the day Arlene had overturned the boat 
and nearly drowned Kitty and herself. Thence 
her mind recalled, with no conscious volition, the 
child’s talk to her that night and her father’s threat. 
And when for the first time since, she recalled Ar- 
lene’s answering threat of hiding in the baby incu- 
bator at the hospital, her heart seemed to stop, then 
to resume violently. It came to her as amazing 
that no one had thought of searching at the hospital, 
though Arlene had been familiar with the building 
all her life and knew every corner and cranny. Even 
without this hint, there was a chance that she might 
have hidden there; in a way, the conglomeration of 
buildings was vast and rambling. Childlike, she 
may have recognized its advantage for her purpose 


182 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


and planned to remain in hiding until it should be 
too late to be sent away to school. From very vague 
hope, Kathleen’s sensation became almost conviction. 

Mrs. Palmer’s sleep seemed deeper. Kathleen 
stole out, waked the baby’s nurse, and asked her 
to stay with her and to say that she had gone back 
to the hospital. Throwing her cape over her shoul- 
ders, she made her way thither, arriving just as the 
night nurses were going off duty. 

The girl’s first very natural and human desire 
was to make the search alone. Almost confident 
of success, she longed to be the one to come upon 
the child — to restore her to her stricken father and 
mother. But before she reached the hospital she 
had decided to confide in some one — Miss Martin, 
if possible — and to get help, not more for the sake 
of speed and thoroughness than for the human satis- 
faction it would give other friends of the family to 
have a part. 

She found Ruth Pringle dressed, and told her hur- 
riedly of her conviction. Then the two went to 
Miss Martin, whom they found at last in the din- 
ing-room. She had taken only a few hours’ sleep, 
and though calm, looked white and tired. She had 
ordered an early breakfast for Doctor Palmer and 
some of the other doctors who were out with him, 
and had come in to see that everything was going 
on satisfactorily. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 183 


**Of course, Kathleen, dear,” she cried without 
realizing she had dropped the usual formal address. 
“Of course. I wonder no one thought of it. Oh, I 
am so thankful it came to you ! We will start right 
out. There are almost miles of storehouses and 
cellars and basements and corridors.” 

At that moment Doctor Palmer came in with 
two companions and joined the group. Within 
five minutes the six were divided into three groups, 
each of which with the help of a workman was to 
explore a certain portion of the underground and 
disused or little used parts of the buildings. 

Kathleen and Miss Martin with Patrick, one of 
the engineers, had the south wing of the central 
hospital building for their ground. 

“I keep thinking of that word incubator,” said 
Kathleen: “That’s what suggested the hospital 
in the first place. There isn’t anything big 
enough ” 

“Dear me, there’s that old calorimeter,” said Miss 
Martin almost absently. Then her eyes flashed. 

“Patrick, take us out to the storehouse beyond 
the coal-sheds.” 

As they went through corridor after corridor, 
up steps and down, and up again. Miss Martin ex- 
plained to Kathleen that years ago, when the hos- 
pital had been conducting a series of experiments 
with dietetics, they had constructed a mechanism 


184 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


which they called a calorimeter, by which to measure 
certain food values. 

It was a sort of cage in which a man spent a 
number of days or even of weeks with specialized 
diet, undergoing various tests of strength mean- 
while to measure their relative value. It hadn’t 
been used since Arlene was a baby, but she might 
have seen it and might easily have thought it an 
incubator. 

In any event, there they found the child, uncon- 
scious, but still alive. The door must have been 
open, else she could never have gotten in, but after 
she had pulled it to, there was no chance of her 
getting out again, for it took all Patrick’s strength 
to open it. 

Patrick carried the child, Kathleen took his tools, 
and Miss Martin lighted the way. It seemed an 
endless way out, and hours instead of minutes be- 
fore they got into daylight again and had laid Ar- 
lene on a bed in the hospital. Miss Martin asked 
Patrick to ring a big bell to call the others, and in- 
structed him to ring it quickly to indicate that the 
child was alive. And just as they had the little 
girl undressed and in the bed, her father appeared. 


CHAPTER XXVI 


T he hospital had a high record for impartiality 
in its excellent and efficient treatment of pa- 
tients. But perhaps no other inmate of its white 
beds ever had been so anxiously watched and guarded 
as twelve-year-old Arlene Palmer during the long 
weeks when she lay unconscious, with the chances 
of life and death seemingly equally balanced. 
Greater suspense, truly, never was endured on the 
part of the doctors connected with the hospital, the 
staff, and the nurses. 

Miss Martin exercised constant personal over- 
sight. Miss Warren was in charge with Kathleen 
and one of the regular nurses under her, and Kath- 
leen was strictly enjoined not to overstay her hours 
nor to overdo. She must save herself and be ready 
for steady attendance when Arlene should come 
to herself — if she ever did. 

Mrs. Palmer bore up remarkably. She hadn't 
been outside their own grounds for six months, but 
after the first week she came to the hospital daily. 
But the doctor looked terribly. When Arlene finally 
recovered consciousness, her father looked twenty 
years older. 

Her recovery from that point was not rapid. In- 

i8S 


186 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


deed, the child’s nerves as well as her whole system 
had suffered such a shock that it was considered 
unlikely that she would be about again within a 
year, and possible that she might never be strong. 
A fortnight after she came to herself she was taken 
home. 

Kathleen had been with her almost constantly 
since she had regained consciousness. Arlene 
watched eagerly for her mother each day ; and though 
she saw her father three or four times a day, their 
meetings were deeply touching to witness, because 
of the intensity of the affection between them. 
Nevertheless, the child did not want to be moved. 

“Oh, Kathleen, I wish you’d go, too,” she said 
plaintively on the afternoon of her last day. 

“Couldn’t you possibly, if we all begged Miss 
Martin, you and dad and me?” 

“I suppose it could be managed, dear. Perhaps 
they would let me off, though it would leave them 
rather short here,” said Kathleen gently. “Some 
of the girls would have extra work to do.” 

Arlene sighed. 

“You haven’t begun at the high school yet?” 
she asked. She was quite unaware how long she 
had been unconscious, and took it for granted her 
whole illness had not yet lasted two weeks. 

Kathleen shook her head. 

“But you ought to have last week! Oh, dear! 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 187 

Oh, dear ! but I couldn’t go if I was well. You love 
to do it, don’t you, Kathleen?” 

Kathleen assented. 

“Well, I won’t ask to have you come home with 
me,” the child said, with tears streaming down her 
cheeks. “Will you come to see me, Kathleen, till 
I’m ” 

She paused. After all, when she was well she 
couldn’t come to see Kathleen as she had used to, 
for she wouldn’t be here. 

“I’ll come every day if I possibly can, dear,” 
Kathleen assured her. 

Arlene closed her eyes and remained quiet for 
some time. 

“Don’t go yet, Kathleen,” she said as the girl 
moved. “I want to tell you something.” 

Kathleen sat down. 

“I thought perhaps I’d say I was sorry to dad 
before I go, only — I’d rather wait till I get home.” 

“I think he knows, dear,” said Kathleen gently. 

“But wouldn’t you tell him to make sure?” 

“Yes, indeed, dear, when you’re stronger. Per- 
haps it will be as well to wait till you get home.” 

“That wasn’t why I wanted to, Kathleen. I 
wanted to wait till — till it would be too late to have 
me go away to school.” 

Kathleen didn’t know what to say. There was, 
of course, no question of Arlene’s being sent away 


188 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


from home. She was evidently suffering over the 
prospect of it. If she was ready to say she was 
sorry for her fault, wasn’t that enough ? Who was 
she, Kathleen, to say that child of twelve should be 
ready to face the consequences of her vmpremedi- 
tated childish anger ? Still she couldn’t speak. 

‘T couldn’t live if I was sent away,” said Arlene 
plaintively. 

“I wouldn’t think of it, dear, until you’re better.” 

*T aw sorry,” she insisted. 

‘T know, dear.” 

‘*What would you do, Kathleen, dearest?” 

”Oh, Arlene, don’t ask me,” cried Kathleen with 
sudden warmth, which the child believed to be dis- 
appointment in her. 

“You would — oh, Kathleen — you would never 
have been so — abominable — ^but if you had done the 
least teenty weenty thing wrong you would say 
you were sorry the very first second, and wouldn’t 
mind if you were sent away and it killed you !” 

“Oh, Arlene — ” Kathleen began, her face very 
white. 

But at that moment Doctor Palmer entered, and 
she stole out and left the two together. 

She did not see Arlene again until it was time to 
get her ready for the night. The child, who couldn’t 
raise her head, put her weak arms up and drew 
Kathleen down. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


189 


“It’s all right, Kathleen, dearest,” she said softly. 
“I don’t have to go away, after all. But I would 
if dad wanted me to. And though I’m so glad he 
doesn’t — ^he says he couldn’t spare me, anyhow — 
I’m almost sorry, too, that I’m not to go — just to 
pay me up, you know.” 

Kathleen kissed her. 

“Oh, Arlene, if you only knew how fortunate 
you are!” she said — “it is all overhand past. And 
you can just go ahead, all clean and sweet and 
free!” 

“It’s easy enough, too,” murmured Arlene 
musingly. “All there is, is just to say you’re sorry. 
For, of course, you won’t do it again. Isn’t it good 
it is so easy, Kathleen, dear, even when you’ve been 
so frightful ! Isn’t it beautiful ?” 


CHAPTER XXVII 


E arly one evening of the following spring, 
Miss Martin stopped Kathleen as she returned 
to the nurses' home from the hospital. 

**Miss Rawdon, I have been called away to a 
funeral, and for the only time since I have been here 
shall have to miss conducting the probationers' 
first examination,” she announced. 

Time hadn’t blunted the girl's sensibility. Any- 
thing which recalled her own first examination al- 
ways struck to Kathleen's heart like a thrust from 
a dagger. She murmured a vague reply without 
looking up. 

‘T've got so much detail to hand over to Miss 
Warren that I thought I wouldn't trouble her with 
the examination also, though it isn't hard and it is 
right interesting,” Miss Martin went on. “I am 
going to put you in charge of it, Miss Rawdon. 
Can you guess why ? ” 

For a moment the ground seemed to sway under 
the girl’s feet. She felt sick and faint. It was all 
over, then ! Miss Martin knew ! Had she known 
it all the time ? Of course she couldn’t have. But 
oh, why should she have chosen this cruel way of 
telling her of her discovery ? 

190 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


191 


‘‘Come in and sit down,” Miss Martin said so 
lightly that Kathleen realized her mistake. But 
she found herself trembling all over as she dropped 
into a chair. The twilight was deeper within, and 
Miss Martin, who believed the girl was tired, did 
not notice her extreme pallor. 

“You probably don’t even guess that I know all 
about your kindness to the probationers. Miss Raw- 
don, but, as a matter of fact, I noticed it long ago 
and have witnessed it ever since with the utmost 
gratification,” the superintendent declared in her 
rich, warm voice that augmented the effect of her 
words. “A few girls here and there have been care- 
lessly kind to these poor frightened strangers within 
our gates; but no one has been so constantly and 
thoughtfully kind as you, my dear. You have gone 
out of your way to shepherd the wandering and 
straggling, and — well, I can feel you fidgeting. You 
know what I mean and I won’t go on. Only I felt 
the enjoyment would be mutual if you took charge 
of the classroom that hour.” 

Kathleen wanted to cry out that it would be tor- 
ture to her yet keener than this of listening to un- 
merited praise. For why was she unlike other girls 
in looking out for the lonely probationers ? Only 
because she was also imlike them in being — ^not a 
shepherd, but a whited sepulchre ! 

Miss Martin, taking her consent and her pleasure 


192 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


for granted, went on to explain the simple procedure. 
Kathleen listened with a strange and morbid con- 
cern. It seemed somehow as if she were some one 
else, and this examination were that in which the 
probationer Kathleen Rawdon was to force her 
way like a burglar into a place where she had no 
right to be. In this morbid condition, she could 
scarcely refrain from asking Miss Martin if the girls 
had to be watched in case of cheating, though she 
knew the actual girls who were to be in the class 
were to be trusted as absolutely as her class had 
been. 

She wondered if she actually could have spoken, 
for Miss Martin seemed to be replying. 

*T shouldn’t leave the room during the hour, if 
I were you. Miss Rawdon,” she was saying. **You 
don’t need to be a spy or a martinet — my dear, 
don’t take that ugly word as a pun, pray — ^but it’s 
always better to remain right there in case there 
should anything come up, rather for the protection 
of the girls, you know, than for any other reason. 
I’m sure you’ll be amused and interested, and when 
I get back you must tell me all about it, and then 
I’ll tell you how you impressed me the day of your 
first examination. I scarcely knew you then. Miss 
Rawdon.” 

‘Ht seems a long time ago,” murmured Kathleen 
with more significance than the other grasped. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


193 


remember you, however, from the very day 
of your entrance,” Miss Martin declared. ‘Ht’s 
curious, you know, but I can’t recall that Adams 
girl in the faintest way. I can look back and see all 
the others that remained up to that point, but I 
can’t get a glimmer of light on her.” 

'‘Miss Adams?” repeated Kathleen, puzzled. 

“The one who went to Miss Wainwright, you 
know.” 

Kathleen didn’t appear to know. 

“But, my dear, of course you do. She was the 
girl your mother helped. Minnie Adams, her name 
was.” 

“Oh, Miss Martin, I think you must be mis- 
taken. Mother hasn’t helped any one that ever 
was here.” 

“Oho, she keeps her good deeds hidden, then! 
This Miss Adams whom I don’t remember was one 
of your class who didn’t remain even to the end of 
the six months. Your mother interested her friend 
and mine in the girl. Miss Wainwright took her 
in as an attendant first, and then started her in the 
regular training. She is doing first-rate now and 
promising to make a good nurse. I believe she has 
another year yet. Charlotte Wainwright could 
make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear if ever any one 
could. Which isn’t saying anything about a girl 
about whom I haven’t even a faint idea.” 


194 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


‘T do remember now that mother wrote of meet- 
ing a girl who had been here in the same class, but 
she didn’t say more and I supposed that was all 
there was to it,” Kathleen said. am — ^very glad. 

Some one said afterward that Miss Adams was a 
forlorn little thing and I wished — I had noticed 
her.” 

”And you told your mother so?” 

“No, Miss. Martin, I never mentioned it. I 
haven’t the least idea how or where she came 
across her.” 

Later, Kathleen rather wondered about it and 
why mother hadn’t told her the whole story. She 
didn’t, however, put it complainingly as once she 
would have done. But she said to herself wistfully 
that she would have expected mother to tell the 
whole story : for she dwelt at length upon impersonal 
things of all sorts, as if to avoid anything intimate 
in nature. But Miss Adams had been sent away 
at about the time of Dick’s illness. Mother might 
have met her in the train and sent her on to Miss 
Wainwright with a letter, and then forgot all about 
her in the long, anxious weeks that followed. 

And Kathleen in her turn forgot all about Minnie 
Adams and her mother’s interest in her, as the weight 
of her own burden, which also dated back to that 
same period of Dick’s illness, impressed itself freshly 


KATHLEEN'S PROBATION 195 

upon her as she went through what might have 
seemed an act of penance. 

Though the girl had had her hours and even days 
of forgetfulness, on the whole her life at the hospital 
after the first four months had been rather uni- 
formly wretched. And yet, perhaps no one hour 
of it had been so hard, had seemed such torture 
and agony as that during which she sat and faced 
the probationers as they wrote their first critical 
examination. It was as if she had been raised on 
a pillory and compelled to rehearse her sin of two 
years ago over and over in public. She lived it 
through a hundred times in that one hour. A him- 
dred times she went back over the irrevocable past 
and saw a hundred ways by which once it might 
have been avoided. But once committed, there 
was never afterward any respite from remorse. 

How little Arlene, with her simple formula, knew 
about real wrong-doing ! 


CHAPTER XXVIII 



iHE last year of their training was drawing to a 


1 close, and the girls of Kathleen’s class were 
talking much of going out into the world and dis- 
cussing prospects and conditions. One morning as 
Kathleen Rawdon passed through the corridor lead- 
ing to the accident ward, she seemed to feel a sense 
of suppressed excitement among the night nurses 
who were just going off duty. She went up to a lit- 
tle group, for she was still a girl among girls, though 
she was constantly given the most responsible tasks 
in the hospital work. Her ability being altogether 
imusual, those in authority considered her and 
treated her almost as if she had been an expert 
nurse with years of experience. 

“What’s up. Miss Bennet? Has anything hap- 
pened?’’ she inquired. 

“N-no, I donT think so, Miss Rawdon. The 
brakeman’s rather better.’’ 

“But every one seems to be standing round and — 
isn’t that Doctor Palmer’s car? What’s he doing 
here at this hour in the morning ?’’ 

“I haven’t the slightest idea, nor do I know why 
we’re standing here instead of getting into our beds. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 197 

There’s Miss Lake — perhaps she knows. Miss 
Lake!” 

Miss Lake, a round-eyed, round-cheeked girl, 
paused. 

“What’s going on, have you heard?” some one 
asked her. 

Miss Lake’s eyes grew rounder. 

“I think something must have happened in the 
children’s ward,” she whispered, though there was 
no reason for not speaking aloud. “The doctors 
have been coming and going all night, but no one 
else has been allowed to get in, and there’s some 
mystery. Oh, girls, suppose they had smallpox in 
there?” 

Kathleen laughed. “If there were I’d be willing 
to wager there’d be only one case,” she remarked. 
“Dear me, I hope if there is, it isn’t Ruth Pringle’s 
little Willy-drowned-in- Yarrow that’s got it. Why 
that poor mite should have earache after hip opera- 
tion beats me.” 

'Well, if it is smallpox and Miss Pringle is quar- 
antined, her roommate will doubtless have to share 
it, and then perhaps some of us lesser lights will 
have a chance to play head nurse and special and 
can put on side,” remarked Miss Bennet, though 
quite without feeling. For Kathleen being really 
in a class by herself, rivalry was out of the question. 
Furthermore, every one liked her too much to envy 


198 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


her. And she bore her honors not only without 
pride, but seemingly without consciousness. 

Vaguely troubled, Kathleen went through a long 
morning. When she returned to her room after 
Itmch, she was startled to find Ruth there. For it 
was in the midst of the sleeping hoiu*s of those on 
night duty. 

“Why, Ruth,” she said lightly, “is Willy drowned 
in Yarrow for sure ? ” 

Then she saw that Ruth’s face was white and her 
eyes desperately wretched. 

“Oh, Kathleen!” the girl cried, “oh, Kathleen!” 
and burst into tears. 

Kathleen threw her arms about her. 

“What is it, dear?” she asked anxiously. “I 
didn’t mean to be fresh. The little chap hasn’t 
died?” 

**No, he hasn’t, but — oh, Kathleen, if he had — 
if he had died, and I to blame !” 

“Nonsense, you’re not to blame for anything, 
Ruth, dear. What are you talking of ? Are you off 
yoiu* head, partner?” 

Ruth hid her face in the pillow and sobbed wildly. 
Kathleen was frightened. Ruth had always been 
perfectly self-controlled. 

“Oh, Ruth, dear, don’t,” she begged. “Tell me, 
please. It can’t possibly be so bad as that, you 
know. You let yourself get too much attached to 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


199 


that child, and you’re tired and nervous. Willy is 
a weak baby anyhow. Perhaps it would be better 
that he shouldn’t grow up.” 

Ruth sat up suddenly. 

“Don’t say that above all things, Kathleen Raw- 
don!” she cried. “That would make me a mur- 
derer. Pray that he may get well if you want me 
ever to have any peace of mind again in all my 
life.” 

Kathleen dropped into a chair. Rain had begim 
to fall since lunch and there was now a steady down- 
pour. In the dim light the two girls sat for a few 
moments facing one another but not meeting each 
other’s eyes, in complete silence save for the beat- 
ing of the rain. The idea came to Kathleen that 
Ruth was delirious, but not convincingly, and it 
was quite dispelled when presently Ruth spoke, 
leaning on the rail of the iron bed. 

“You know, Kathleen, Willy had earache terri- 
bly,” she began in a dull voice. “I’ve been^'putting 
heated cotton with laudanum in the ear, and last 
night I had to get a new bottle from the stores. 
Miss Blake gave me a new size. I put some in and 
it eased the pain and Willy got to sleep. I sat out 
in the passage in the dusk and perhaps I dropped 
asleep. I can’t tell. But I went in at nine to give 
him some rhubarb and woke him up — oh, Kathleen, 
the little fellow clung to me and ” 


200 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


She clasped her hands in agony. Kathleen was 
white and breathless from sympathy and appre- 
hension. 

“That was in a small bottle, too, though really 
quite different, and — of comse the other was plainly 
marked. But — oh, Kathleen, I gave him a tea- 
spoonful of laudanum !” 

Kathleen started violently in spite of the fact 
she had, of course, guessed the truth as soon as 
Ruth spoke of the rhubarb. 

“I knew it the very second he had swallowed it,’* 
Ruth moaned. “Doctor Ballou was in the wards, 
and Doctor Palmer came at once and they worked — 
oh, hours over him. They ” 

Ruth dropped her head in her hands, and Kath- 
leen started apprehensively at a loud knock on the 
door. Kathleen opened it and handed a note to 
Ruth. She could not open it, and Kathleen acted 
for her. It was fro:;n Miss Martin, saying that 
Willy was out of danger. 

Ruth went into violent hysterics, and it was an 
hour before Kathleen succeeded in quieting her. 
At the end of that time she stepped out a moment 
and sent a message to the hospital, and received 
permission to stay with her the remainder of the 
afternoon. 

The rain continued. Great trees shaded the 
windows and the dimness increased to darkness. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


201 


Kathleen got Ruth on the bed and after a little 
began to sing. The girl had scarcely sung a note 
since Dick’s illness except rarely to Arlene, and once 
or twice to sick babies in the hospital. Her voice 
was as clear as ever, however, and deeper and sweeter. 
She sang every song she could recall, and finally 
had the satisfaction of seeing the exhausted girl in 
a deep sleep. She stole out, white and weary and 
depressed. 

It was the half-hour after dinner. Down-stairs 
the girls stood about in little groups talking in low 
tones. On a sudden Kathleen understood what 
they were discussing. How much they knew she 
was unaware, but they knew that something serious 
had happened for which Miss Pringle was respon- 
sible, and they were discussing — what was to happen 
to Ruth ! 

‘'Oh, Miss Rawdon, have you heard how Willy 
Phipps is?” some one asked when she appeared. 

“He’s out of danger, Miss White,” she replied 
quietly. 

“Good! That will make a great difference for 
Miss Pringle, won’t it?” Miss Lake exclaimed. 

“I don’t believe it will,” said Miss Story, one of 
the older girls. “I don’t believe she has any chance 
in ” 

“Oh, Miss Story! There are only five weeks 
before graduation!” protested Miss Bennet. 


202 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


‘T’m very much afraid she’s done for,” repeated 
Miss Story sadly. 

'‘Oh, Miss Story, don’t say that!” begged Kath- 
leen. “It was only a mistake and ” 

“Yes, I know. Miss Rawdon, but what would 
this hospital stand for if we were to kill a child every 
now and then by mistake 1” 

Kathleen turned away. She was aware that Miss 
Story was very anxious to be appointed head nurse 
in the children’s ward after graduation, and that 
she knew Ruth Pringle stood a better chance of 
having the position offered to her. At the same 
time, there was reason in her words. She went back 
to her room. 

Ruth still slept. But she woke presently and 
lay awake all night and Kathleen with her, striving 
to sustain and comfort her. The next day Kath- 
leen knew that Ruth was secretly longing, though 
hardly expecting, a summons to go on duty. On 
her way to the hospital, Kathleen stopped to speak 
to Miss Martin, and the latter said she would go 
to Miss Pringle very soon. 

She went later, but had little to say except vague 
efforts to strengthen her for what might come. Two 
days passed during which Ruth did not leave her 
room, Kathleen sharing her anxiety almost equally. 
Then the decision was annoimced. 

It was only what was to have been expected. 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


203 


While the authorities had great sympathy for Miss 
Pringle, acquitting her of any intention of wrong 
or of any former instance of carelessness, and while 
they had found her work uniformly satisfactory, 
they regretted extremely to say that since the un- 
happy accident of the 12th instant, they could not 
allow her to be graduated from the training-school 
nor to use the name of the hospital hereafter. The 
good of the school and of the hospital rendered such 
action imperative. 

Kathleen came in an hour after Ruth had received 
the verdict against her and found her packing her 
things, among them the new white nurse’s uniforms 
she had had made in order to be ready for work 
immediately after graduation. Tears filled the 
girl’s eyes. 

‘'Oh, Ruth!” she cried. 

“Don’t, Kathleen, don’t say anything, please; I 
can’t bear it,” Ruth implored. “Help me to plan 
what I am to do. I don’t know how to tell them at 
home. It will just ” 

“Don’t try to do that now. Wait till you get 
home and tell them. It will be a lot easier. Con- 
sider how you would have felt a week ago if any 
one had told you the same story. If I, for instance, 
had done it, you would have been all S 5 mipathy 
and wouldn’t have had one word of condemnation. 


204 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Your family will be just as reasonable and under- 
standing, dear.” 

‘‘They won’t be hard on me,” said Ruth, “but 
— it will be terribly hard for them. And I must ex- 
plain somewhat now. I shall have to telegraph for 
money, for if I wrote I shouldn’t get it for two 
weeks, and I can’t stay here all that time.” 

Kathleen’s face brightened. “Oh, Ruth, at last 
I can use some of that money that’s been piling up 
on me in the trust company in town. I haven’t 
any use for it, and mother won’t accept any of it for 
Dick or for anything, I don’t know why. If you 
will use some of that, Ruth, dear, all you possibly 
can, it will help me a lot. I’m sure I don’t know 
what ever I shall do after you’re gone. You simply 
have got to take it.” 

Ruth remonstrated. She proposed a dozen dif- 
ferent things which might come up immediately 
for which Kathleen might want to spend large sums, 
but Kathleen in each case triumphantly proved 
she could still do it and leave a large balance. And 
finally Ruth consented to take one hundred dollars, 
which would amply cover her expenses across the 
country. And to have been able to relieve her of 
even that detail meant much to Kathleen. 

Miss Martin came in later and was all kindness. 
Doctor Palmer came for Ruth himself and took her 
over to see his wife. They asked her to come and 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


205 


stay as long as she would with them, but the girl was 
anxious to get away, and went the second day. 

The parting between the two girls was terribly 
hard. When Kathleen returned from the station 
she sat down and wrote her mother all about Ruth’s 
trouble before she did anything else. So it was only 
when night came and she sat alone in the room that 
had suddenly become so strange and lonely, only 
as she faced the walls, the mantel, dresser, and desk 
to which Ruth’s belongings had given character 
for nearly three years, that the anomaly of her own 
position struck her forcibly. 

She and Ruth had together sadly acknowledged 
the justice of Ruth’s sentence. Now on a sudden 
she realized that she herself had been guilty of a 
greater, an intentional wrong, and though she had 
truly suffered she had not been punished. Justice 
had not been done in her case. Ruth’s whole future 
was blighted because of a moment of oblivion. 
Kathleen had deliberately done a shameful wrong, 
and had continued to profit by it. She stared long 
out into the grey twilight, then buried her head in 
her arms on the table and gave way to bootless 
tears. 


CHAPTER XXIX 


O NLY a fortnight remained before the day on 
which the girls were to receive their diplomas. 
Of the twelve remaining out of the original twenty- 
four, Kathleen Rawdon was pre-eminently first, no 
other approaching the point where she might have 
been a rival. And while she was facing the old prob- 
lem, confronting her freshly after Ruth’s calamity, 
the others were speculating as to what was likely 
to befall her in the way of prizes. And nothing was 
too extravagant for speculation. 

She never would be allowed to do private nursing, 
no one had any doubt as to that. She might very 
likely be kept here in “our” hospital: certainly 
Miss Martin and the doctors would be loath to let 
her go. On the other hand, every one knew that 
this training-school was a source of supply of officers 
for hospitals all over the country. If there should 
happen to be some real “plum” this year, some- 
thing better than anything here, be sure that Kath- 
leen Rawdon would get it. Some one said that the 
trustees or the staff or Miss Martin, or perhaps all 
of them, considered her the best all-round nurse the 
institution should ever have graduated. 

206 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


207 


No one envied Kathleen. This was partly, of 
course, because she was beyond their rivalry. But 
more than that, every one liked her and very warmly. 
There wasn’t a girl in the class for whom she hadn’t 
done a good turn, some really generous action that 
involved giving herself. Besides this, the girls ad-, 
mired her exceedingly. She was so straight and 
strong, so thoroughly good to look upon, with her 
rich, abundant auburn hair, her serious eyes, and 
fine face. There was something queenly about her, 
they said, enhanced by the tinge of melancholy they 
felt about her. And they agreed that she would be 
beautiful indeed in the new white uniforms with 
the band about her cap. 

They were not far from correct in their specula- 
tions. The hospital indeed wished to keep Miss 
Rawdon permanently, and had so planned. But 
when a request came from one of the largest and 
best-equipped hospitals in the East for an assistant 
superintendent of nurses capable of succeeding a re- 
tiring superintendent within six months, they reluc- 
tantly yielded her. The salary of the latter office 
was so large as to be munificent, and the chance an 
imusual one. 

Kathleen was quite overwhelmed with surprise 
and wonderment when Miss Martin came to her 
with the message. Her first sensation of delight 
was alloyed only by distrust of her own ability, but 


208 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


Miss Martin reassured her so warmly that Kathleen 
was still more overwhelmed. 

Leaving details until later, Miss Martin sketched 
the situation in broad outlines and gave the girl 
time to consider it alone. As she was leaving, she 
kissed her and tears sprang to Kathleen’s eyes. 

“We should like to keep you here, dear Kathleen 
Rawdon,” said Miss Martin with a suspicion of 
tears in her own eyes. “I don’t mind owning that 
it will be a blow to me to lose you.” 

“Oh, Miss Martin,” protested the girl, the tears 
rolling down her cheeks. But the superintendent 
hurried away. 

Almost before she had gone, everything had 
changed. Again, in that moment of triumph, the 
old bitterness swooped down upon Kathleen Raw- 
don, more crushingly than ever. For it was all 
builded upon the sand, all this fabric of splendor 
and wonder. She was a poor, shrivelled mummy 
cowering beneath a pyramid. 

Again she repeated that it was her pimishment, 
and that, in very truth, Ruth’s had been far pref- 
erable. Better to wear the iron plainly on one’s 
wrists than to have it riveted in one’s soul. But so 
long as she should live, she must continue to bear 
this terrible secret just thus. There was nothing 
else to be done. And the large salary would help 
so much — it would do — everything. Dick, who 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


209 


was back at school on crutches with a room on the 
ground floor, could go to college and pay the ex- 
penses of a roommate who could help him about. 
And Susy, who was doing wonders with her violin, 
could have her chance, and the twins — oh, it would 
do everything, and only she herself knew what it 
was founded on ! 

Wearied by the battling. Anally, she sat down to 
ask her mother’s permission to accept the position. 
She was listlessly relieved that it should have come 
a month before her twenty-first birthday, so that she 
could still ask that permission. Of course mother 
would only say, “Do as you like, Kathleen,” but there 
was some slight satisfaction in the mere asking. 

It was, nevertheless, strangely hard to frame the 
letter. The girl sat for an hour over it, and yet had 
not gone beyond “Dear mother.” She stared into 
space. 

Presently she pushed it aside and, rising, began 
to pace the floor. After a quarter-hour of that she 
went and stood before the mirror, looking deep into 
her own eyes as if they were those of another. A 
long look, and then she seated herself resolutely at 
the desk. 

“Dear mother,” she wrote, “could you come 
to me as soon as you get this? I need you 
desperately, but I cannot leave to come to you. 
It is a question of life and death to me. Kathleen.” 


CHAPTER XXX 


M rs. RAWDON had become much attached 
to Ruth Pringle during her visit and through 
a pleasant, intermittent correspondence that had 
followed. When she received Kathleen’s letter 
telling of Ruth’s misfortune, she was shocked and 
pained. She wished she had known it in season to 
have had Ruth come to her for a time instead of 
returning to Oregon, and rather blamed Kathleen 
for not thinking of it; but she said nothing of it 
in her letters since it couldn’t be helped. She wrote 
immediately to Ruth and had her constantly upon 
her mind. She could not bear to feel that the girl’s 
career was thus cut short, and yet for the moment 
she could not see any way out. 

She did not give over, however, and very shortly 
she had what seemed to her to be an inspiration. 
Doctor Lee, the yoimg physician who was so in- 
terested in Dick, had long since become an intimate 
family friend. Despite his skill and learning, he 
was a boy at heart, and he came to Mrs. Rawdon 
with his problems, his troubles, his joys, and his 
successes almost as to a mother. 

Accordingly, she had known all along since the out- 


210 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


211 


break of war, a year since, of his desire to go abroad 
for service, and had sympathized with his gratifica- 
tion when he was asked to go as a staff-officer to a 
hospital in England to remain until hostilities should 
be concluded. She and Dick had rejoiced with him, 
sadly as they knew they should miss him. And 
the doctor, for his part, felt that to him leaving 
home meant leaving Mrs. Rawdon, Dick, and Susy. 

He was to go within a month. On the evening 
of the day when she had the suggestion come to her 
Mrs. Rawdon sent for Doctor Lee, and he appeared 
immediately. Assuring him that no one was ill, 
she asked him suddenly if it would be possible for 
him to suggest a nurse to go with the party he was 
to accompany. He thought it extremely possible 
and agreed to find out at once. 

She related Ruth’s story. He could not have 
been more eager after hearing it, for to do Mrs. 
Rawdon service seemed to him more worth while 
than anything else he knew; but he was deeply 
interested and very sympathetic, and agreed that 
it would be the very thing for the girl if it could 
be accomplished, and she wished it. 

He sent a night letter at once and received word 
next day that he might name one of the nurses. 
Mrs. Rawdon wrote to Ruth, setting forth the cir- 
cumstances, explaining that if she wished to go her 
fare would be paid across the country, and asking 


212 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


her to telegraph her answer and to follow it at once 
if she accepted. 

Ruth’s gratitude was discernible even in the tele- 
gram in which she accepted. Mrs. Rawdon tele- 
graphed back that she was to come directly to her 
and to start at once. As the blue-coated messen- 
ger boy disappeared she drew a deep sigh of relief. 
She was so thankful that sad tangle was coming 
straight. 

As she sat idle a few moments planning for Ruth’s 
visit, and wondering if Kathleen’s graduation might 
not bring her home in time to see her friend before 
she left, she heard the postman’s ring. Flora came 
running in with a letter from Kathleen, and she 
opened it eagerly, thinking she might find the answer 
to her question within. 

She read it onoe without comprehending, only 
with beating heart. On second reading she be- 
came very pale. Then came full understanding, 
and suddenly a tremendous burden, the heaviest 
of her life, seemed to fall from her. She closed her 
eyes. 

“Mother !” cried little Flora, “you aren’t asleep I 
Are you fooling ?” 

Mrs. Rawdon opened her eyes and smiled upon 
her little girl. 

“No, Flora, I was saying ‘Thank you!’ to the 
good God.” 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


213 


I “Do you mean you were saying your prayers, 
mother?” asked the child. 

“Yes, dear.” 

“But, mother, it isn't night.” 

“No, dear, but if mother gives you something you 
1 have wanted more than anything else for a long, 
long while you don't wait until night to thank her ? ” 
Flora considered a moment. 

“Well, an5rway, mother,” she concluded, “if 
? everybody thanked God for everything just as it 
: came along, I don't believe he could hear them all. 
' You see, there are so many things all day long that 
I make us happy.” 

“Yes, precious, all day long,” echoed her mother. 
But when Flora had gone out to find Dora and 
pursue the subject to its furthest limits with her, 
Mrs. Rawdon's face grew serious, though, indeed, 

! the seriousness was “with a difference.” 

“My poor little Kathy ! It is going to be a hard 
pull — and I fear a long one. And yet — I have no 
fear now.” 

She took the night train and reached Kathleen 
[ next morning. 

When Kathleen returned to her room from the 
hospital, she found her mother there. Mrs. Rawdon 
sat waiting, her busy hands idle, for once, in her 
lap. Her face was serene, it was more than serene; 
it was almost transfigured. She had known that 


214 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


tremendous relief that comes with the cessation of 
sharp physical pain; but that was as nothing com- 
pared with this intense emotion, too positive to 
be termed relief, that had been with her since the 
receipt of Kathleen’s letter. Years and cares seemed 
to have dropped away from her. Kathleen flinched 
and shrank back before the light in her face and 
shining eyes. 

Mrs. Rawdon folded the girl in her arms, but 
Kathleen suffered the embrace only a moment. 
Then she cried out protestingly. 

'*Oh, mother, mother, don’t look so — happy! 
You break me all up. You don’t understand. I 
ought to have — oh, mother, you’re like some one 
coming to a party and finding it a funeral. Why 
I wanted you to come was ” 

“Yes, dear, come and tell mother all about it.” 
And Mrs. Rawdon resumed her chair, and motioned 
the girl to one she had drawn close to it. When 
she had refused tea or any refreshment, Kathleen 
dropped down into the chair. 

She gazed helplessly into her mother’s face. 
Something wonderful must have happened at home. 
Perhaps Dick was well! She inquired for him 
eagerly. 

“Dick’s going on wonderfully, Kathy,” she re- 
plied. “He hasn’t had any shadow of a setback 
since he returned to school at Easter. He gets along 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


215 


, with one crutch the greater part of the time. He 
; goes off on tramps with the geology class, and keeps 
: up with the others in speed and endurance. The 

i dear boy is so proud of not holding them back ! His 
j great difficulty now is in climbing stairs. That’s 
\ almost the last obstacle against his going to college, 
\ and we shall get around it somehow.” 

“Mother!” cried Kathleen with a world of feel- 
ing in her voice. “Suppose I had a chance to make 
a lot of money, enough to pay all Dick’s expenses 
7 twice over, if I should — well, if the chance came as 
a result of something wrong, not now, but long ago. 
What should you say, mother?” 

“There would be only one thing to be said,” her 
1 mother returned quietly. “You can guess, Kathy, 
^ dear, how I have felt for Dick, my only boy, in his 
H helplessness. Even now, when he’s so much better 
d than we dared hope he might ever be, and is so gay 
1 and jolly — so sort of gallant, as he hobbles about 
n with his crutch — sometimes, dear, it seems as if 
I could not bear it, as if it would break my heart, 
tii And yet, Kathleen, I should far rather see him lose 

ii his chance for college ; I should rather see him stand 

I ' with his crutch on the street-comer selling news- 
! papers to earn his own way or to help his little sisters, 

I than to have my girl, my dear eldest daughter, 
profit through wrong-doing.” 

I Still her eyes shone, though through tears. 


216 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


“Oh, mother, but that is just what I have done 
cried the girl despairingly. “I did something three 
years ago that will make you despise me forever 
when you know, and I have been profiting by it 
ever since.” 

Her mother’s hand sought and foimd hers. 

“Nothing could ever make me despise you, dear. 
Nothing could keep me from your side except your 
continuing in what you know to be wrong-doing.” 

Kathleen waited to feel the full import of her 
mother’s words. Strengthened thereby, she broke 
at once into her confession. 

“It was like this, mother,” she began, her voice 
dropping quickly into despair. “I hadn’t done 
any studying up to the time of the first examina- 
tion. It seemed to come upon us all of a sudden, 
and I fotmd it was going to mean a lot more than I 
had supposed, that if I wanted to stay at school I 
just had to pass it off. And then — ^the day before, 
I had your note about Dick, and then — oh, mother, 
I had to stay !” 

Mrs. Rawdon stopped her. 

“Kathy, daughter, I know what happened in that 
examination. Little Minnie Adams, who was sent 
away, saw what you did. Not knowing I was your 
mother, or that I should have had any idea who 
the girl she described was, she told me about it. 
I couldn’t believe it, and yet — I couldn’t find any 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


217 


loophole of escape. I, too, have suffered from it, 
Kathy — ^perhaps you would hardly believe how 
cruelly. Perhaps if I had been wiser — but never 
mind that now. Begin again and tell me every- 
thing — every detail.” 

Kathleen obeyed. She remembered details only 
too well. If she erred in the recital, it was not 
through leniency toward herself. When she had 
done she withdrew her hand, clasped it with the 
other, and said drearily: *Tt w^ terrible, mother. 
It was unpardonable.” 

“Not unpardonable, Kathy. It was terribly 
wrong, but the temptation was great and peculiar. 
And no one ever dreams what such a thing really 
means until after it is done and beyond recall. If 
you had gone on — if you hadn’t — oh, Kathy, Kathy, 
I haven’t been so nearly happy — ^no, so really happy 
— since father died, as I felt when I got your note 
and knew what was coming. And now — it has been 
hard for me and agony for you; but we have both 
learned from it, dearest, and it has drawn us to- 
gether as perhaps nothing else would have done. 
Whatever happens now, mother stands with you, 
shoulder to shoulder. Whatever may come, you 
and I are together to meet and bear it.“ 


CHAPTER XXXI 


M rs. RAWDON remained with her daughter 
one day. They parted dearer to one another 
than they had ever been before, and each hugged 
that consciousness to her aching heart as she waited 
for what was to come. 

The following morning Kathleen went on duty 
as usual, having secured an appointment to see 
Miss Martin in the afternoon. Miss Martin be- 
lieved the girl was to give her answer in regard to 
the position and, taking it for granted that she would 
accept it, had planned to give a good part of her 
afternoon to a discussion of some of the details of 
the work. 

She noticed a change in Kathleen at once. The 
girl’s face was tired and white, but with a difference. 
It vaguely reminded Miss Martin of some one or 
something — she couldn’t fix the image — and yet 
it bore a new serenity that she had never seen there 
before. And the older woman thought a bit sadly 
that it had come with the idea of accepting the new 
responsibilities. Perhaps it was not kindness to 
thrust her thus suddenly into such a complex situa- 
tion. 

2lS 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


219 


As Kathleen raised her head rather high, and the 
effort she made gave an almost tragic look to her 
face, Miss Martin suddenly remembered. The girl 
had looked just so on that day when as a proba- 
tioner she had brought her first examination paper 
to the desk. What a long way she had come since 
then ! 

And how very singular that Kathleen’s first words 
should have referred to that very examination ! And 
yet the fact that her mind had been glancing back 
to that very period did not render the shock Miss 
Martin received any the less stunning. To say 
that she was amazed at the girl’s confession only 
faintly describes the superintendent’s sensation — or 
lack of sensation, for her faculties seemed suddenly 
benumbed. For some instants her mind absolutely 
refused to grasp it. 

Kathleen related everything in a quiet, dreary 
way that might have been touching had Miss Martin 
not been so astoimded, so incredulous. Mrs. Raw- 
don had bidden her tell the story in full, not omitting 
the part her letter in regard to Dick’s illness had 
borne in it. But there was no hint in the girl’s voice 
or manner to indicate that she believed that there 
was any extenuating circumstance. She not only 
did not ask, but obviously did not expect, mercy 
or believe there were any possibility of such thing. 

The strain under which she spoke was painfully 


220 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


evident, yet only when she had done, when she had 
related the last detail of the story, her relief was so 
great that Miss Martin suddenly understood how 
terribly she must have suffered in the three years. 

“Poor child! Poor, prodigal child!” she said to 
herself. To Kathleen she said quietly: 

“I must think this over. You must leave me, 
Kathleen, until I think it over. I am rather dazed. 
Go now and I will see you later.” 

She called her by her first name, and she kissed 
her. Kathleen, who also felt dazed, realized this. 
She went back to her room and sat down by the 
window with folded hands in her lap. She was con- 
scious that she faced a blank future, conscious, too, 
that she had cast away a terrible burden. But she 
was not acutely conscious of either. She was too 
exhausted, too played out emotionally, to be acutely 
conscious of anything. 


CHAPTER XXXII' 


T here was a meeting of the faculty of the 
training-school, of the staff, and of the board 
of the hospital. The day following the latter. Miss 
Martin sent for Kathleen, who had been bidden to 
go about her duties as usual, and to say nothing to 
any one. 

don’t mind telling you. Miss Rawdon,” the 
former said after a few preliminaries, “that it’s the 
hardest case to settle that ever came up before us. 
Miss Pringle’s was bad enough, but — ^it wasn’t so 
complicated.” 

For an instant Kathleen’s sad face brightened. 
“Oh, Miss Martin, I wish you’d let me tell you 
what mother has arranged for Ruth Pringle,” she 
cried, and Miss Martin bade her explain. That 
bit of news relieved the tension. Miss Martin dried 
her eyes, which had suddenly filled with tears, and 
went on. 

“Of course. Miss Rawdon, there’s no question in 
the mind of any one who knows you even a little 
that that act is utterly and absolutely foreign to 
your nature. You fell into a pit. No, don’t in- 
terrupt — quite likely you had been rash in walking 
221 


222 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


too near the edge of it; but always since then you 
have kept on the heights, climbing steadily beyond 
and higher. There isn’t, I need not say, one of us 
who doesn’t trust you down to the groimd in every 
particular. And yet, of course, if we had known 
at the time, you would have been sent away imme- 
diately. You came in by the wrong door, and yet 
you have made good absolutely ever since.” 

She paused. 

“I mustn’t run on so. However we feel as in- 
dividuals, as a body we must act officially. As a 
representative of the board I can offer you two alter- 
natives, Miss Rawdon. If you choose, nothing will 
be said, you can go on and be graduated with the 
class, receiving a blank diploma, with the chance 
of returning after a year’s absence, and at the end 
of another year receiving a real diploma. Or the 
whole matter can be laid before the other girls of 
the class — everything would have to be laid bare 
in this case — and the decision be left with them. 
Take as long as you wish to consider.” 

”I don’t need any time, I know now, Miss Mar- 
tin,” said Kathleen firmly. “I want the girls all 
to know. I never in all my life want any more 
concealment, only ” 

She hesitated. 

”Yes, Kathleen?” 

“Don’t tell them who it is imtil they have made 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


223 


up their minds. I want — you understand, Miss 
Martin ?” 

“Yes, Kathleen, I imderstand. If they knew 
it was you they couldn’t possibly be impartial. You 
lessen your chance a great deal, however, for you 
are the very last one any one would think of ” 

She paused. She could see that her words were 
like stabs. 

“I am only afraid,” she went on, “that they will 
think it’s a certain girl who is very unpopular and 
decide in a personal way. However, I should want 
to do just as you do in your place.” 

“Oh, Miss Martin!” cried Kathleen impulsively, 
“don’t ever speak of putting yourself in my place. 
You could never have done anything that would 
have put you into such a place.” 

“My dear, I do not know,” Miss Martin returned 
earnestly; “we all need desperately to watch and 
pray constantly lest we enter into temptation.” 

That evening the members of the graduating- 
class were summoned into Miss Martin’s reception- 
room to consider a matter of importance. Kathleen 
had to attend with the rest, for her absence would 
have been equivalent to confession. It was an ordeal 
to face. It wasn’t so much that she felt certain 
the verdict must be against her (they had acquiesced 
unanimously in the justice of Ruth Pringle’s ex- 
pulsion); it was the revealing of her dishonor to 


224 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


this jury of her peers. At the same time, she longed 
to have it over, to be able to face them as she now 
faced her other friends with no secret weighing her 
down. 

With downcast eyes she listened with the others 
(likewise with eyes cast down) to the recital of her 
wrong-doing of three years since. Miss Martin 
told the story at length in a wholly neutral way, 
lest any one be influenced in her choice by her 
manner. 

Kathleen listened to each word as keenly as any 
one to whom the story was new and exceedingly 
strange. She believed she had grown numb, but 
now as she felt herself held up to pubHc judgment, 
more strongly than ever she seemed to see the 
enormity of her offense — that ugly, long falsehood 
that she had lived out. It was almost beyond her 
strength not to betray herself before the vote should 
be taken. 

Having concluded. Miss Martin begged the girls 
to endeavor to be impartial and just, and passed 
around papers on which they were to record their 
will as to whether one of their number who should 
have been thrown out as a probationer but who 
had made good, should be allowed to be graduated 
with the others and receive her diploma. Her sus- 
pense was far greater than Kathleen’s. 

The papers were gathered up. There was one 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 225 

blank. The rest were alike. The vote was unani- 
mously affirmative. 

Miss Story, who was the most unpopular girl in 
the class, self-possessed and sarcastic, cried out im- 
pulsively as it was announced: “I wouldn’t grad- 
uate without her. Miss Martin !” 

More than one had believed her the culprit. 

“Neither would I!” cried another. 

Suddenly Kathleen Rawdon rose and walked to 
the door. Turning, she spoke from its shadow, with 
so white a face that, had she been any one else, that 
would have been confession enough. But even now 
no one dreamed of her connection with it. 

“Thank you, girls,” she said. “I was the one. 
For my own part — oh, I’d rather go and hide my 
head in the desert sand, but — I am glad to graduate 
with you.” 

She fled before they had really grasped her mean- 
ing. Profound silence ensued. An opposite seizure 
from the gift of tongues was upon them. But pres- 
ently Miss Bennet cried out: “Miss Martin, Kath- 
leen Rawdon never did it! She’s shielding some 
one else. She just couldn’t have 1” 

Miss Martin had to deny this. But as they 
gathered about her she went more into detail. When 
she had done, they went out quietly together, more 
than one pressing her handkerchief to her eyes. 

With one accord they went directly to Kathleen’s 


226 


KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


room. And there a different scene took place. It 
wasn’t so much wisdom as it was the loving hearts 
of girls who' had been together and worked together 
for three years. They got Kathleen down to the 
floor and all gathered about her in a circle and began 
to talk — ^not at all of what had just happened, but 
of what they hoped to do when they started out in 
the world — the cold worlds of course, they termed it. 
They told of the sort of patients they hoped to get, 
capping each other’s descriptions with contrasting 
pictures of what they would be likely to get. They 
made little confidences about what they wanted 
to do for father and mother and younger sisters and 
brothers; of the sacrifices that had been made to 
send and keep them here; about the towns and vil- 
lages whence they came and the impossibility of 
living up to the expectations of one’s neighbors. 
And while there were tears, and voices faltered and 
now and again broke, there was also much genuine 
mirth and infectious laughter. Now and again it 
pealed out through the corridors, and the probation- 
ers wondered how they dared be so hilarious. 

And Kathleen responded generously. In that 
hour she found herself again — found her real self. 
Conquering the reserve that had been a part of the 
pride that had long since disappeared, she told them 
about her family, of the funny twins, of Susy, who 
was such a little saint the twins wondered how she 





‘‘Thank you, girls,” she said. 


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KATHLEEN’S PROBATION 


227 


kept out of heaven, about Dick and his pluck. Then 
she told them about mother and how splendid she 
was, and how, if she had lost everything else and 
kept her, she would still have been rich. 

When she told what her mother had arranged 
for Ruth, there was joy and excitement. Some one 
immediately proposed that each of them should 
write a steamer letter to Ruth, partly nonsense, 
partly serious, telling her their plans, and how they 
felt about hers. Then they would send the bimch 
to Mrs. Rawdon, who would get Doctor Lee to de- 
liver them to Ruth when they were out of sight of 
land. 

* ' Oh, my goodness,'*girls 1 ’ ’ cried Miss Lake. “You 
know that six dollars and thirty-six cents in the 
treasury ! Let’s invest that in fruit and flowers 
and candy, and let Ruth And the basket in her 
berth.” 

And then they broke up hurriedly in order to 
write the letters so as to send them next day. 


CHAPTER XXXIII 


K athleen was in the midst of her letter to 
Ruth when Miss Martin came in. 

'‘My dear,” she said, “you haven’t yet given me 
your answer in regard to the Randolph Memorial 
Hospital, and they are clamoring for it. You have 
only to signify your willingness to me to receive a 
formal offer from them.” 

“Oh, Miss Martin!” cried Kathleen, looking up 
almost beseechingly, “but I didn’t suppose — ^you 
can’t mean — of course, that is — all off?” 

“No such thing,” rejoined Miss Martin firmly. 
“Now, Kathleen Rawdon, the past is past. We had 
to rake it up and we did it thoroughly — we drove 
the ploughshare through it and harrowed it. But 
now it’s over and done with. The past is past and 
buried deep. You have done all mortal girl could, 
and you must not look back over it further. You 
start out fresh now. Here’s this splendid chance 
which is yours for the taking. You are just the one 
for the position, and if you should not accept it we 
should be greatly disappointed both as a body and 
severally. Now, Kathleen mavoumeen, will you 
go in and win for us — for me ?” 

“I’ll go in,” said the girl seriously, “and I’ll win 
if it’s in me.” 

RD- 




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LIBRARY BINOINB V^ a C^/IvTT-, ^ ^ vl ^ * 

'JAN 1977, -.^K: .o4 : 

ST. AUGUSTINE ^ >* ^ - 

FLA. O. ♦ rr^ 0 r,-' 



O N 0 



k •'A* A 'O* \ V 

32084 '♦ A ’' * o>» V* » * VL' 



